I'm finding out tomato sauce before bed gives me weird fuking dreams..

He just bedazzled his asshole to make it look nice

But fr sometimes you can say something to me and I'll just nod like I heard you, cause I'll feel like it's gonna be one of those moments where I'll say "huh" and still not hear you, so I just wanna avoid the angry face y'all make to my ADHD ass

My friends: We going to Wendy's
Me: Dip a French fry in my ass!

My job waited till the end of October to play Halloween music, but the first day of December the Christmas my music was blastin smh

As a food service worker I've developed a habit of looking at who comes into stores/restaurants when I'm shopping/eating and almost saying "welcome in!" Every time...

So there I was, Krabby patty secret formula on my titties...