yoel
@practicegirlfriend.bsky.social
“Hi thanks for staying at our airbnb! Please kindly remember to strip the beds, wash all dishes, take out the trash, start the laundry. also my 36 year old unemployed son will be over in an hour. could you maybe hug him for me? he cries a lot, thanks in advance!”
January 2, 2026 at 6:48 PM
“Hi thanks for staying at our airbnb! Please kindly remember to strip the beds, wash all dishes, take out the trash, start the laundry. also my 36 year old unemployed son will be over in an hour. could you maybe hug him for me? he cries a lot, thanks in advance!”
I invented the term “Chef’s Hug” five minutes ago. when something is like pretty good. This 6.5/10 Spicy Tuna Onigiri is chefs hug
September 4, 2025 at 12:25 PM
I invented the term “Chef’s Hug” five minutes ago. when something is like pretty good. This 6.5/10 Spicy Tuna Onigiri is chefs hug
bushwick rules i’ve never heard an effeminate masc call a man “boss”
August 6, 2025 at 2:21 PM
bushwick rules i’ve never heard an effeminate masc call a man “boss”
Overheard NYC but i made it up:
“So i’m going to milan next week and then paris and then SecondParis which is like a secret paris that only i can go to”
“So i’m going to milan next week and then paris and then SecondParis which is like a secret paris that only i can go to”
August 6, 2025 at 2:21 PM
Overheard NYC but i made it up:
“So i’m going to milan next week and then paris and then SecondParis which is like a secret paris that only i can go to”
“So i’m going to milan next week and then paris and then SecondParis which is like a secret paris that only i can go to”
every little boy in the airport rn looks like the rizzler help
July 23, 2025 at 3:36 PM
every little boy in the airport rn looks like the rizzler help
some of you mfs would stay in Omelas and it shows
July 10, 2025 at 3:17 AM
some of you mfs would stay in Omelas and it shows
tryna spend less, call me buyphobic
May 31, 2025 at 10:32 PM
tryna spend less, call me buyphobic
me to someone i hold dear, “You’re on thick ice, buddy!”
May 31, 2025 at 6:59 PM
me to someone i hold dear, “You’re on thick ice, buddy!”
Surf n Turf but it’s me waterboaring a terf
May 25, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Surf n Turf but it’s me waterboaring a terf
CVS: “everything is locked up because you’re a filthy rat”
QFC : “show me your receipt or thin blue line tattoo or i’ll kill you”
trader joes: “please, fuck my wife”
QFC : “show me your receipt or thin blue line tattoo or i’ll kill you”
trader joes: “please, fuck my wife”
May 13, 2025 at 5:33 PM
CVS: “everything is locked up because you’re a filthy rat”
QFC : “show me your receipt or thin blue line tattoo or i’ll kill you”
trader joes: “please, fuck my wife”
QFC : “show me your receipt or thin blue line tattoo or i’ll kill you”
trader joes: “please, fuck my wife”
outside of envelope: “open this or i’ll kill your family”
inside of envelope: “want a new credit card? 🥺”
inside of envelope: “want a new credit card? 🥺”
May 6, 2025 at 3:06 AM
outside of envelope: “open this or i’ll kill your family”
inside of envelope: “want a new credit card? 🥺”
inside of envelope: “want a new credit card? 🥺”
face ID still recognizing me after a self care night ::::://////
April 15, 2025 at 4:35 AM
face ID still recognizing me after a self care night ::::://////
whenever someone uses the phrase “opposite sex” i just assume it means when an avoidant and anxious person hookup
April 9, 2025 at 10:46 PM
whenever someone uses the phrase “opposite sex” i just assume it means when an avoidant and anxious person hookup
if i did dating apps my opening line would probably be “Rihanna should release a version of ‘Umbrella’ without the stupid Jay-Z intro”
April 8, 2025 at 4:24 PM
if i did dating apps my opening line would probably be “Rihanna should release a version of ‘Umbrella’ without the stupid Jay-Z intro”
yoel gets her first iPhone today
-bluesky'd from my android
-bluesky'd from my android
March 31, 2025 at 5:39 PM
yoel gets her first iPhone today
-bluesky'd from my android
-bluesky'd from my android
the problem with Seattle is none of you cowards smoke Newports
March 19, 2025 at 7:25 PM
the problem with Seattle is none of you cowards smoke Newports
pausing "The Royal Tenenbaums" to explain that Margot's (Gwyneth Paltrow) iconic Lacoste striped polo dress was a custom piece, as they had no such dress in their catalog at the time.
March 10, 2025 at 6:11 AM
pausing "The Royal Tenenbaums" to explain that Margot's (Gwyneth Paltrow) iconic Lacoste striped polo dress was a custom piece, as they had no such dress in their catalog at the time.
tried to pay cash at a small business and a 19 yr old shot me in the foot
February 27, 2025 at 8:40 PM
tried to pay cash at a small business and a 19 yr old shot me in the foot
beggars can't be choosers but I'm not a beggar so if you ride lime scooters you're OFF THE CUTIE LIST
February 26, 2025 at 8:18 AM
beggars can't be choosers but I'm not a beggar so if you ride lime scooters you're OFF THE CUTIE LIST
'heart shaped box' but instead of a box it's a medium sized cheesecake and instead of of being locked inside it for weeks I ate the entire thing in one sitting..... HEY! WAIT!
February 20, 2025 at 4:46 AM
'heart shaped box' but instead of a box it's a medium sized cheesecake and instead of of being locked inside it for weeks I ate the entire thing in one sitting..... HEY! WAIT!
thanks but I actually did have "table asking me if I'm autistic" on my bingo card
February 9, 2025 at 2:33 AM
thanks but I actually did have "table asking me if I'm autistic" on my bingo card
"Now boarding group E as in 'Ew yoel, you're eating a SECOND airport grab n go chicken caesar wrap?'"
January 30, 2025 at 1:14 PM
"Now boarding group E as in 'Ew yoel, you're eating a SECOND airport grab n go chicken caesar wrap?'"
At Airport: schmuck with Israeli flag on his luggage asks me if it is 746 AM or PM. I point to a window and say "figure it out"
January 26, 2025 at 9:26 PM
At Airport: schmuck with Israeli flag on his luggage asks me if it is 746 AM or PM. I point to a window and say "figure it out"
1/X Cold Soup Season: Ajoblanco
January 21, 2025 at 6:00 AM
1/X Cold Soup Season: Ajoblanco