I fell asleep while watching an episode of Drawfee last night and dreamed that Julia drew a frighteningly detailed floorplan of my childhood home

He's at least 20% eyeballs.

There are signs inside the men's bathroom stall doors on OSU campus that say "Only flush toilet paper and natural waste."

Girl There Ain't Nothin Natural About This Waste.

You know how doctor's offices have themed rooms? I'm currently getting minor foot surgery in the Beatles room under the watchful eyes of Ringo Starr.

"Maybe a cup of tea will fix me." I say, lying.

one time when i was ten i was playing with my dog in the living room and accidentally decapitated the joseph figure in our nativity scene with a tennis ball. I painstakingly balanced the head back on the figure's neck stump and pretended nothing happened. perfect crime.

saw someone doing a lord of the rings smash or pass on tik tok and this bitch had the AUDACITY to pass on Gandalf????? HAVE WE NO TASTE????