Jesus fucking christ someone tell me to shut the fuck up

At the end of the day, I just have to work with what I got. And what I got is the ability to be triggered by anything all the time and the inability to keep friends. And a crippling fear of loneliness(thank you 2021-2022 canon events). I wish I could be normal. This is why I'm so fucking kinky lmao

Why am i still here

Why can't i just be fucking normal

Worst part is someone did listen to me earlier and was very nice and sweet but since they were unrelated to the whole thing and i still felt insecure and foolish being open about this and didn't want to put them through yet another crisis it just didnt work and fuck. I just wish i was fucking normal

Again I'm not mad i just don't know what to do and everything is just open ended and my eyes burn and my chest burns and i have very violent thoughts towards myself going through my head. I just need someone and im hurting really bad

How do i ask for help when no one is around to help and the only person i took a leap of faith to ask shut me down

But like. Lol
What do you do when someone says they can't. There's no one around, i still feel like burning every bridge i have, I'm still crying i still feel alone and i hate myself more than anything else and like what do i even do

Which i understand. I really do. As someone who gets trauma dumped on every single day without being asked if i can handle it i get it so bad

And they say they can't do that for me

Could handle some emotional labor cause I'm fighting demons rn and they were nice and said they could just listen but want to help which won't help me so after another however long i force myself to say i might cry (already was) and that i just need to be vulnerable to someone understanding

Again I'm trying to be healthy and i know i just need to talk about it and so I'm trying my hardest to force myself to ask for help because I'm genuinely feeling very violent feelings toward myself and after like 10 minutes of sitting in chest burning teary agony i manage to eek out asking if they

But i can't fucking see it and I'm panicking and assuming they hate me and I'm considering leaving everything im in again and burning bridges even though it's all right in front of me

I think I've broken down twice over this and I'm trying to be healthy about it. Someone hit me up saying they saw my message asking for a peer review and said they were down now and like that's it right. That's what i want. That's exactly what i was asking for on a silver platter

I hate the agonizing burning in my actual heart that i feel from this shit it is so stressful and i do everything i can to avoid it but i just can't

And its okay to not want to or anything i just need to like hear that instead of being left with the noise of my thoughts i guess and so I've been spiraling since because it feels like whenever i try to be vulnerable no one gives a flying fuck and it hurts really bad

So not wanting to offend anyone i wanted to ask if someone could review what i had currently in dms and i just kept checking in the entire night seeing these people in a vc just ignoring me

The last time i wrote something earlier from the heart everyone was like aw :( even though arguably someone else has been writing way more concerning shit for their character and it just felt personal

I spent hours last night writing on my shift for a collaborative group thing and i got really inspired from everyone else and spent a long time working on something that comes from my life experience and like