Emma
@queerophelia.bsky.social
a phantom to lead you in the summer
queer poet
she/they
queer poet
she/they
2026 did not get off to I get start. I was told yesterday that I will most likely need surgery to remove an ovarian cyst, or possible my ovary.
First up though, I have to deal with having a blood test that’s to “rule out” That.
(I can’t even type the word…)
I’m a mess.
First up though, I have to deal with having a blood test that’s to “rule out” That.
(I can’t even type the word…)
I’m a mess.
January 1, 2026 at 10:28 PM
2026 did not get off to I get start. I was told yesterday that I will most likely need surgery to remove an ovarian cyst, or possible my ovary.
First up though, I have to deal with having a blood test that’s to “rule out” That.
(I can’t even type the word…)
I’m a mess.
First up though, I have to deal with having a blood test that’s to “rule out” That.
(I can’t even type the word…)
I’m a mess.
The Voices are really, really running rampant right now and I’m thinking a lot about them “being trauma” and I don’t understand why my trauma would want me to walk into the ocean naked but okay then.
December 25, 2025 at 8:17 PM
The Voices are really, really running rampant right now and I’m thinking a lot about them “being trauma” and I don’t understand why my trauma would want me to walk into the ocean naked but okay then.
listening to the #BeetlejuiceMusical soundtrack. going for my birthday and again in Sept for the AD. I think there may be more visits…
December 17, 2025 at 2:01 AM
listening to the #BeetlejuiceMusical soundtrack. going for my birthday and again in Sept for the AD. I think there may be more visits…
it’s all unravelling a bit.
December 8, 2025 at 9:26 PM
it’s all unravelling a bit.
If you’re so concerned about my physical health and that’s your genuine reason for stopping my meds, why haven’t you sent me for even a simple blood test!? ECG!? I smell bullshit. You’re just one of those “BPD pusher” shrinks.
December 7, 2025 at 9:45 PM
If you’re so concerned about my physical health and that’s your genuine reason for stopping my meds, why haven’t you sent me for even a simple blood test!? ECG!? I smell bullshit. You’re just one of those “BPD pusher” shrinks.
So… new shrink was VERY EUPD/BPD heavy, and wants me off most of my meds. This appointment concluded with stopping Abilify and Buspar - with a counteracting increase in propranolol.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
December 4, 2025 at 8:04 PM
So… new shrink was VERY EUPD/BPD heavy, and wants me off most of my meds. This appointment concluded with stopping Abilify and Buspar - with a counteracting increase in propranolol.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
I left anxious about the future. Certain meds have literally saved me from hospitalisation.
And I felt sick.
Staff OD’d me on my sleeping pills Monday night and I slept great. Since then… it’s been shit!
November 26, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Staff OD’d me on my sleeping pills Monday night and I slept great. Since then… it’s been shit!
talking to the Voices in your head is less interesting now that they don’t want to engage in the conversation, and just make white noise that gives you a migraine.
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
November 20, 2025 at 8:19 PM
talking to the Voices in your head is less interesting now that they don’t want to engage in the conversation, and just make white noise that gives you a migraine.
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
(Yes, yes, it’s also less Crazy. But hush now!) 😜
delusional parasitosis usually shows up before some sort of mental health crisis, so I can’t pretend I’m not worried right now.
November 17, 2025 at 11:07 PM
delusional parasitosis usually shows up before some sort of mental health crisis, so I can’t pretend I’m not worried right now.
I have had a nice weekend, but I also drank and have felt The Grief so bad. Sat in my hotel room incredibly lonely and sad right now.
November 16, 2025 at 6:34 PM
I have had a nice weekend, but I also drank and have felt The Grief so bad. Sat in my hotel room incredibly lonely and sad right now.
in a really, really, really bad place mentally, and I have con at the weekend and it’s too late to cancel my hotel so I’ll have lost £500 if I don’t go…
November 9, 2025 at 2:22 AM
in a really, really, really bad place mentally, and I have con at the weekend and it’s too late to cancel my hotel so I’ll have lost £500 if I don’t go…
Mirtazapine 45mg started. Hoping for quick results and no side effects! Although having TRD results are… scarily uncertain!
November 1, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Mirtazapine 45mg started. Hoping for quick results and no side effects! Although having TRD results are… scarily uncertain!
got psoriasis on my ear. itchy and depressed. it’s certainly a mood.
October 29, 2025 at 10:31 PM
got psoriasis on my ear. itchy and depressed. it’s certainly a mood.
GP contacted re: escalating depression.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
October 27, 2025 at 1:39 PM
GP contacted re: escalating depression.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
Burns cleaned and dressings applied.
Pills handed over for “safety.”
Mental Health Monday.
Therapy was tough but exactly what I needed to get some shit I’ve been carrying for too long off my chest. I feel so much lighter. Haven’t SI’d or drank today. Progress.
October 22, 2025 at 5:12 PM
Therapy was tough but exactly what I needed to get some shit I’ve been carrying for too long off my chest. I feel so much lighter. Haven’t SI’d or drank today. Progress.
You know things are Bad when you debate calling the “crisis team”
October 20, 2025 at 7:28 PM
You know things are Bad when you debate calling the “crisis team”
Depression escalated into self injury (burning) and I am terrified.
October 20, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Depression escalated into self injury (burning) and I am terrified.
I woke up and thought I was making a mistake, or at least needed more time to think, so I cancelled the appointment.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
I have an appointment with a private psychiatrist in Birmingham tomorrow, with a strong emphasis on #TMSTherapy. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. But #TRD has left me hopeless and desperate for anything that is not another useless pill.
October 19, 2025 at 7:38 PM
I woke up and thought I was making a mistake, or at least needed more time to think, so I cancelled the appointment.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
Starting to accept the fact I’m just gonna have to learn to live with severe depressive episodes that can’t be treated, certainly not by meds anyway.
I have an appointment with a private psychiatrist in Birmingham tomorrow, with a strong emphasis on #TMSTherapy. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. But #TRD has left me hopeless and desperate for anything that is not another useless pill.
October 18, 2025 at 5:58 PM
I have an appointment with a private psychiatrist in Birmingham tomorrow, with a strong emphasis on #TMSTherapy. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. But #TRD has left me hopeless and desperate for anything that is not another useless pill.
Not enjoying life. Like, really want to fling myself into the sun level of not enjoying life, right now.
October 17, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Not enjoying life. Like, really want to fling myself into the sun level of not enjoying life, right now.
I should contact the GP about the pain in my ovarian cyst that’s suddenly playing up. But I’m too scared…
October 16, 2025 at 2:50 PM
I should contact the GP about the pain in my ovarian cyst that’s suddenly playing up. But I’m too scared…
Court/testifying anniversary/trauma overloaded brain…
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
October 9, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Court/testifying anniversary/trauma overloaded brain…
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
…I am in bed at 7pm and hoping the promethazine will kick in and see me through the night.
today I have learnt that by watching a film I adored as a child, that I really DO NOT LIKE being reminded of being a child of around That Age. #CSASurvivor
October 1, 2025 at 5:42 PM
today I have learnt that by watching a film I adored as a child, that I really DO NOT LIKE being reminded of being a child of around That Age. #CSASurvivor
I finally have my physio assessment tomorrow. Nervous!
September 28, 2025 at 1:39 PM
I finally have my physio assessment tomorrow. Nervous!