James Lennon
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quikpedal.bsky.social
James Lennon
@quikpedal.bsky.social
53 followers 220 following 66 posts
Worrier. Thinker. Golfer. Gamer. Nervous wreck.
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Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
There are 6 known facts about every animal (except dolphins, for which there are only 5). Here are the horse facts
Horses: The 6 Facts You Need to Know 1. The fastest thing in the world is either the speed of light or a horse. Scientists have not been able to determine which is faster yet because they are both very fast. 2. A horse can run faster than a man. Therefore, getting a piggyback from a man will not fully prepare you for the speed of horseriding. 3. Most horses are unable to read so if you wish to communicate with a horse, don't waste your time writing a note or sending an email. 4. The majority of horses have no concept of time. So if a horse neglects to wish you happy birthday or happy Christmas, don't take it personally. 5. I heard a rumour once which claimed that horses have x-ray vision and it enables them to see through 3 layers of clothing. I don't know if it's true but I always wear 4 layers of clothes when there are horses around, just to be on the safe side. 6. Horses struggle to walk up and down flights of stairs so if you need something from upstairs, it's faster to get it yourself.
January 6, 2026 at 9:00 PM
quikpedal.bsky.social
RIP Phil Lynott. An unbelievable forty years today.

I remember those golden days....
A painting of Phil Lynott walking on the north wall pier in Dublin, seen from behind he wears a long overcoat that is blowing in the wind. It looks like it has been raining. Seagulls fly above and there is a ship and a red lighthouse in the distance.
January 4, 2026 at 12:43 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
The numbers are in and I can finally reveal the end-of-year stats for 2025:

- Congrats to fans of the Assassination of Julius Caesar! 🗡️🏆
- 11th place up to 2nd place ⬆️
- Pompeii vs Mt Vesuvius makes the top 4 🌋
- The human ear finishes in Jth 👂
- Enthusiasm/Shoes finally makes it into the top 9b 🤯
December 31, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Just been reading back over my resolutions for 2025 and it looks like this has been a very successful year for me!
Michael's New Year's Resolutions for 2025 - Don't hold any large pieces of furniture above my head for more than 8 hours at a time ✅ - Avoid getting trapped in a submarine with a celebrity horse ✅ - Say the word “the” at least once during July ✅ - Don't cross the Indian Ocean unaided ✅ - Try not to discover any new planets and/or galaxies ✅ - Refrain from interfering in the trade negotiations between Canada and the Mercosur bloc ✅
December 28, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Hopefully I've made it more relatable
December 4, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Meant to post this yesterday but hopefully it's still useful. The key cutting shop near my house is offering a special Black Friday deal of 16 keys cut for the price of 15. Offer only available until 5pm yesterday. Ask for Pat rather than Jasper (Jasper doesn't agree with Black Friday as a concept).
November 29, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Home Alone was a pretty successful film. But could it have been even more successful? With these 8 simple changes, I believe so, yes.
Changes I Would Make to Home Alone 1. The film would be set in the summer (there are more than enough Christmas films already). 2. Instead of being left home alone, Kevin would accompany his family on their trip. 3. To ensure the title of the film is still relevant, I would change the family surname to Homealone. 4. Instead of being a child (not relatable for adult audiences), Kevin Homealone would be an adult (relatable for adult audiences). 5. The Wet Bandits would be children, who have not yet turned to crime. They have no role in the film and are never mentioned. It is unclear why they are called The Wet Bandits. 6. At their Airbnb, the Homealones discover a recently deceased body. 7. For convoluted reasons, they have to pretend that the corpse is alive so they put sunglasses on it, which somehow fools everyone. 8. The rest of the film plays out exactly like Weekend at Bernie's.
November 27, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
The Sopranos was a popular TV show but with a few changes, I believe it could have been even more popular. Here are the changes I would make
Changes I Would Make to The Sopranos 1. Tone down the violence. Not necessary. 2. Lose the swearing. Viewers don't want to hear that sort of thing. This could be done by having the opening scene involve Tony and his friends agreeing to a “No Swearing” challenge. 3. Drop the mafia stuff. Doesn't add anything to the story. 4. Instead, Tony manages a reputable shoe shop. 5. No guns. The manager of a reputable shoe shop has no use for weapons. 6. Tony's surname should also be Tony. This would make it easier for viewers to remember his full name. 7. The main storyline could be about the challenges of running a physical shoe shop in the age of online shopping. 8. Tony's best friends should all be sopranos in a local choir so that the title of the show makes sense. 9. Every episode ends with the choir singing a lovely song about their friend Tony Tony.
November 18, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
If any of you ever wish to avoid attending an event but need an excuse to get out of it, please feel free to use me. Simply complete this form, give it to the person(s) inviting you to said event and you'll be in the clear 👍
Excuse Form Name: Date: Event you cannot attend: I will be unable to attend the above event as I will be participating in the selected event below with my good friend Sir Michael, who, as you can see, has corroborated my claim: - Important business meeting - Unimportant business meeting - Cutting each other's hair - Michael is teaching me a new way to memorise the alphabet - We are thinking of building a treehouse together. It's not definite yet but we're doing some preliminary research on it. - Michael is comforting me about the tragic loss of the dinosaurs 65 million years ago - Trying on each other's shoes The above excuse has been officially corroborated by Sir Michael. Signed: Sir Michael
November 2, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Hope this doesn't inconvenience anyone but if any of you are thinking of dressing up for Halloween as the electrician who fixed my grandad's oven in 1986, please don't. I've recently learned that he passed away in 2013 so it would be a little disrespectful. Please choose a different costume instead.
October 27, 2025 at 7:24 PM
quikpedal.bsky.social
Better questions for presidential candidates:

Do you have beans with a fry of a morning?

King or Tayto?

What's the largest amount of money you'd keep if you found it in the street?

Toilet roll, over the top or underneath?

What's your favourite humming noise?

Favourite screw, cross or slotted?
October 21, 2025 at 9:26 PM
quikpedal.bsky.social
Watching Portrait Artist of the Year on my phone, in Landscape mode.

Watching Landscape Artist of the Year on my phone. In Portrait mode.

No one tells me what to do.
October 15, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
WARNING: Local youths in the park are offering to verify people's Instagram account for €150. DO NOT PURCHASE. After I paid, I gave them my phone for the verification process but when they gave it back, they had changed my username to “AVerifiedDork”. I AM 99% CERTAIN IT IS NOT A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS
October 13, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
A former teacher of mine once told me that there are no stupid or unnecessary questions and I carry those words of wisdom with me every day online
October 8, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
US fan behaviour at the Ryder Cup is being criticised so here are some milder insults to yell at rival golfers:

- "You don't always safely eject USB devices”
- “You wrote a blog post claiming the final Game of Thrones season was very satisfying"
- “You know little about Ottoman Empire trade routes"
September 28, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
The question I get asked most frequently is, "Michael, what is your opinion of the Wikipedia page on doors?" Well, here are my full and honest thoughts
The Pros & Cons of The Wikipedia Page on Doors Pros 1. Is a useful source of information about doors 2. Provides a pretty good overview on the history of doors 3. Contains several enjoyable pictures of doors Cons 1. Not quite enough pictures of doors for my liking Conclusion As we can see, there are more pros than cons so my final rating for The Wikipedia page on Doors is 6/9. To put this in context, this means that The Wikipedia Page on Doors is worse than Getting a Nice Haircut (7/9) but better than Being Trapped in a Freezer (2/9).
September 23, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
My one criticism of Premier League footballers? The lack of imagination when exchanging souvenirs after games. They only ever swap shirts. Show some imagination, guys. Give your opponent a gift voucher for a local butcher shop. Learn woodworking and carve them a lovely doorstop. Show them you care ❤️
September 21, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
My performance evaluation for the captain of the Titanic
September 13, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
I conducted a survey asking people to name the worst thing about modern society. To my surprise, absolutely none of them said that traffic lights are too boring. But I still went ahead and devised a solution to the problem anyway
September 10, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
It's pretty fascinating to see how horses have evolved over time, imo
The Evolution of Horses Throughout History Earliest Horse (roamed the Earth millions of years ago) [Black square: No photo available as cameras had not been invented at this point in history] Mid-era horse (roamed the Earth thousands of years ago) [Black square: No photo available as cameras had not been invented at this point in history] Modern-day horse (roams the Earth now) [Picture of a horse]
September 4, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
The publishing industry is in decline. Some say it's because of changing market dynamics. Others say it's because of technological disruptions. But the truth is it's because they refuse to publish my lovely book of Heartwarming Stories for Children.
Bobby The Very Tall Squirrel Once upon a time, there lived a squirrel who was over 8 feet tall! His name was Bobby and his favourite food was hazelnuts. Unfortunately squirrels weren't meant to be 8 feet tall and, unsurprisingly, Bobby was unable to find enough food to sustain himself through winter. Bobby died in January, his existence a meaningless footnote in an uncaring universe (a fate that awaits us all). Other squirrels attended his funeral but did so out of courtesy and not because they particularly liked him. The End The Grateful Rabbits "Let's all count our blessings," said Kevin The Rabbit to all the other rabbits. "Let's take time to appreciate how lucky we are to have warrens to live in and grass to eat because some rabbits have nothing." All the other rabbits nodded in agreement and thanked their lucky stars that they had a home and just enough food to eat. Kevin The Rabbit, meanwhile, went home to his palatial warren, where he lived in luxury, thanks to being born into a rich rabbit family. He was pleased with himself after convincing all the other rabbits to be grateful for the basic amounts of shelter and sustenance they needed to survive. It distracted them from ever getting angry at rabbits like Kevin, who were living in luxurious warrens and hoarding obscence quantities of rabbit food. The End Princess Annabel Once upon a time, there lived a young girl named Annabel. "My dad says I can be anything I want when I grow up... even a princess!" said Annabel excitedly. "Sadly, Annabel, your dad is telling you an outdated fairytale," replied her teacher Miss Jennings. "Social mobility is at an all-time low and the ultra-rich are cosseted behind physical and social barriers. The chances of you becoming a princess are negligible. You'll probably work in middle management." The End Monsters Under The Bed? "Are there monsters under my bed, Daddy?" Sarah-Jane asked as her father tucked her into bed. "No, sweetie," he replied. "The world is full of terrifying monsters - and what makes them most frightening of all is how innocuous they appear. They look respectable, wear business suits, work in positions of power and effect public policy that destroys lives, vandalises the planet and ruins society, all while enriching themselves. These are the scariest monsters of all and they are everywhere. But probably not under your bed. Goodnight!" The End
August 26, 2025 at 8:01 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
If I had been asked to proofread "She Loves You" by The Beatles
August 18, 2025 at 6:56 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
felixdossantos.bsky.social
Can I attend wearing rose tinted spectacles?
August 12, 2025 at 7:20 PM
quikpedal.bsky.social
That other yoke is all just bots now.
February 13, 2025 at 2:58 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
For centuries, people have wanted an answer to one question...

Piano vs Horse: Which is better?
January 12, 2025 at 8:48 PM