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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 10h

IT'S LIKE SENDING A LINK, BUT MORE WORK

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: UTAHRAPTOR! I have exciting news!

T-Rex: Utahraptor! Where ARE you?

T-Rex: Have you seen Utahraptor? I have -
Dromiceiomimus: - exciting news, yes, I know. On account of how you've been hollering his name everywhere!
Dromiceiomimus: I think I saw him back the way you came.

T-Rex: UUUUUTAHRAPTOR!
Utahraptor: Yes, T-Rex?
T-Rex: GAH!

T-Rex: Utahraptor, there you are! I have EXCITING news!
Utahraptor: What is it?!
T-Rex: Guess what...!

Narrator: THIS PANEL INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK SO YOU CAN ADD IN A RECENT NEWS HEADLINE OF YOUR CHOOSING, AND THEN SEND IT TO SOMEONE WHO YOU WANT TO BE AWARE OF THAT RECENT NEWS HEADLINE

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 2d

the best unpopular opinions make everyone mad but nobody hurt: a truly victimless crime

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Narrator: T-REX SHARES HIS MOST UNPOPULAR OPINION:
T-Rex: I think the cave paintings are pretty crappy!
T-Rex: I'm sorry, but it's true!

T-Rex: Their use of perspective is nonexistent, and sense of place is sketchy AT BEST!!

Dromiceiomimus: Of COURSE they don't have good perspective: that hadn't been invented yet! They're CAVE PAINTINGS, T-Rex!
T-Rex: I just think they could've tried harder to make good art, you know?
Dromiceiomimus: THEY WERE LITERAL CAVE PEOPLE WHO HADN'T YET INVENTED PAINT! They were trying harder than any previous cave people in history!!

T-Rex: I hear you, and I respect you, but you have to admit: they're HELLA amateurish.
Utahraptor: What?!

Utahraptor: Of course CAVE PAINTINGS are amateurish! They're done by people who haven't even invented HAVING JOBS yet, much less the job of PROFESSIONAL ARTIST! The WHOLE WORLD was amateurs!!
T-Rex: I'm just saying - they could be better. I could do WAY better, no problem.

Off panel: You have the benefit of literally THOUSANDS OF YEARS of EDUCATION and KNOWLEDGE and TECHNOLOGY!!
T-Rex: YES! And you know what those thousands of years of education, knowledge, and technology tell me??
T-Rex: These guys SUCKED

4 33 220

Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 7d

utahraptor pay a guy to fix it. utahraptor you have to pay a guy when you mess up real bad

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: I replaced a deadbolt on my front door and it was actually really easy!

T-Rex: Then I replaced the kitchen faucet and THAT was a breeze too!

T-Rex: I spent YEARS thinking these things were hard, but it turns out - nope! There's a whole UNIVERSE of easy-to-accomplish things, and I had NO IDEA.
T-Rex: THE END.

Utahraptor: I tried to replace a bathroom faucet and it was a NIGHTMARE!
T-Rex: Oh no!

Utahraptor: Thing after thing went wrong! It was a nightmare from start to finish!!
T-Rex: So: there's ALSO a universe of hard-to-accomplish things, and it is impossible to know which is which until you start doing them.
T-Rex: Much to consider.

T-Rex: Actually there wasn't THAT much to consider: the universe is a mystery and I'm out here exploring it!!
Off panel: Same, only I'M doing it while at the same time having a broken bathroom faucet back at home!
T-Rex: Neat!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 9d

as the saying will soon go: in the land of the omni-blind, the double-blind man is king

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: When given the choice of chocolate bars, you might ask yourself, "self, which of these is better"? There's only one way to find out...

T-Rex: ...a taste test!

Dromiceiomimus: Well, I know that in beer people are said to "drink the label", meaning they've to some extent already decided how much they like the beer before tasting it. We should do a BLIND taste test! Close your eyes before tasting the chocolate bars so you don't know which is which!
Dromiceiomimus: Unless... the person feeding you the bars might unconsciously bias you too?

Utahraptor: She's right! We have to do a DOUBLE-BLIND taste test, so NEITHER of us knows what you're eating until later!
T-Rex: Huh!

T-Rex: But suppose: later when we DO know, what if we go rogue and bias ourselves by sending that information BACK IN TIME into our own brains??
Utahraptor: DANG, that IS a credible scenario.
T-Rex: Double-blind is not enough: we must invent and perform the OMNI-BLIND TASTE TEST!

T-Rex: That's where the results are locked away until anyone with an interest in them is long dead!
Off panel: Our gift to future generations: reliable knowledge that one guy DID, in fact, like almonds enrobed in a chocolatey coating.
T-Rex: Um, SPOILERS??

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 12d

We deserve and demand a special zone to be scrubbed clean in by patient machines, and I dare say it's criminal we are denied.

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: I have a machine that washes my clothes...
T-Rex: (I DO SOMETIMES CHOOSE TO WEAR THEM!)

T-Rex: ...and I have a machine that washes my dishes...

T-Rex: ...but why is there not a machine for the thing I wash EVEN MORE OFTEN?? I speak, of course, of my body!
T-Rex: I WANT A BODY-WASHING MACHINE.
T-Rex: I want to enter a DARK BOX and just SIT THERE whilst machines get me clean!

T-Rex: And to be clear, I want nothing more than what we already grant dirty ware, both glass- and under-!
Utahraptor: But -

T-Rex: Let me just add: I know "wear" and "ware" are different words. But they SOUND the same!
Utahraptor: That was my only concern. A flying car may be unreasonable, but a WET SUDS CHAMBER with NIMBLE, GENTLE, and GENEROUS robot arms is NOT.

Narrator: MEANWHILE, IN A BETTER UNIVERSE:
T-Rex: I come home exhausted and fell asleep in my wet cleaning box for EIGHT FULL HOURS!
Off panel: What happened?
T-Rex: I merely got SUPER extra clean!
Off panel: Frig, I love this universe!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 14d

when a story sounds THIS good, you have to say "oh shit"

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

God: T-REX WHY DO YOU READ BOOKS
T-Rex: Because I like stories!

God: AND WHY DO YOU LIKE STORIES
T-Rex: Cool things happen in them more often than real life!

God: AND WHY DO YOU LIKE COOL THINGS
T-Rex: They're better than bad things!
Dromiceiomimus: What are?
T-Rex: Cool things.
Dromiceiomimus: Oh. Heck, no argument here!

God: WHAT IF THERE WAS A STORY WHERE THE COOLEST THING EVER HAPPENED IN IT
T-Rex: Then I'd read it!
Utahraptor: Huh?

Utahraptor: What's "it"? What would you read?
T-Rex: A story where the coolest thing ever happens in it.
Utahraptor: Oh shit, me too!
Utahraptor: Sorry for saying "shit" but this story sounds so awesome!!

God: LAST QUESTION T-REX DO YOU THINK A STORY WITH A SINGLE TALKING SNAKE WHO LIES ABOUT FRUIT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER
T-Rex: ...No?
God: AW DANG IT

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Reposted by Dinosaur Comics!

Jan Szejko @janek37.bsky.social · 16d

Here's the sticker on T-Rex's computer (10 minutes in Inkscape)

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 16d

this comic brought to you by Dinosaur Comics brand dinosaur comics

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: How many times am I advertised to in a single day? LET'S FIND OUT.

Narrator: TWO MINUTES LATER:
T-Rex: OH NO.
T-Rex: Oh no!!

T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, LOGOS count as advertisements, and I'm SURROUNDED by them! I stepped outside and saw SIX of 'em!
Dromiceiomimus: What, immediately?
T-Rex: On cars! And on bikes and on clothes and on EVERY SINGLE GOOD SOLD THROUGH RETAIL??

Utahraptor: Damn, that's a lot of ads.
T-Rex: It is, objectively, a lot of ads!

T-Rex: Then I went back inside and suddenly noticed the logos on my TV, my FRIDGE - they're everywhere! We're SURROUNDED by the names and images of companies, and now that I've noticed it, I CAN'T UNSEE IT! I'm AWARE of the marketing around me and it's only made my life more irritating!! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 19d

"what you say with irony i say with sincerity" is a paraphrase of captain picard talking to q. but you are always allowed to paraphrase captain picard talking to q; it's always morally correct

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Time for me to spend some time doing my favourite hobby: learning...
Off panel: Nice!

T-Rex: ...about PLANE CRASHES! You didn't let me finish, Dromiceiomimus!

Dromiceiomimus: You uh - you ENJOY learning about people dying, T-Rex?
T-Rex: They don't ALWAYS die! Besides, what I'm really learning about is SAFETY and TECHNOLOGY. Every time a plane crashes we discover what went wrong and then change technology, training, AND/OR systems so that can't happen again!

Utahraptor: I guess that could be reassuring!
T-Rex: It IS!!

T-Rex: The first crashes were all "Oh the wings SHOULD stay on, whoopsie, our bad" but today a whole SET of things all have to go wrong, IN PARALLEL, AND in some novel unforeseen way, for a crash to happen.
Utahraptor: But - they still happen, dude.
T-Rex: AND WE FIX 'EM!!

T-Rex: We decided "no plane should ever crash again", and we've trying our level best to make that happen ever since, and that is BEAUTIFUL.
Off panel: I'll think of that if I'm ever on a crashing plane.
T-Rex: ME TOO!! What you say with irony I say with sincerity!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 21d

twinkle twinkle little star, i'll just wait

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

$T-Rex: When you look at the stars and planets, you're looking through a bunch of atmosphere that's moving around! T-Rex: This is why stars twinkle: the rapidly-changing refractive index of moving air!$ T-Rex: And yeah, it's pretty, but if you're trying to see space stuff in any detail, it suuuuuuucks.
Dromiceiomimus: Eight letters u?
T-Rex: Seven, but remarkably close - well done, Dromiceiomimus! Anyway, air moves and that means any photos you take will be all distorted in different ways.

T-Rex: And yeah, it's pretty, but if you're trying to see space stuff in any detail, it suuuuuuucks.
Dromiceiomimus: Eight letters u?
T-Rex: Seven, but remarkably close - well done, Dromiceiomimus! Anyway, air moves and that means any photos you take will be all distorted in different ways.

Utahraptor: The result is blurry pics!
T-Rex: The result is SUPER blurry pics!

T-Rex: But sometimes - by pure chance - the distortion is minimal, producing a LUCKY PIC. And eventually we were like, wait, if we took a TON of photos and threw out all but the lucky ones, we could average those to increase image quality! And now "lucky imaging" is a standard astronomical technique.

T-Rex: In conclusion, LUCK is REAL and we use it to EXPLORE SPACE!
Off panel: I feel bad for unlucky astronomers.
T-Rex: I don't!
T-Rex: Unlucky astronomers can stay the HECK away from my telescope, for legitimate science reasons!!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 23d

personally i love to chow down on what is effectively just a straight-up bowl of cottage cheese. yeah baby, hop in, we're going full Muffet on our cheesemaking byproducts tonight

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: You are probably familiar with Little Miss Muffet, who, famously, sat on a tuffet -

T-Rex: - don't worry about what a tuffet is right now -

T-Rex: - eating her curds and whey! But are you familiar with others in the Little Miss Muffet expanded universe? Like Little Jack Horner, who sat in a corner, eating a Christmas pie!
Dromiceiomimus: Little Poll Parrot, who sat in his garret, eating some toast and tea!
T-Rex: Little Tom Tacket, who sat on his cracket - half a yard of cloth will make him a jacket!

Utahraptor: These are all real??
T-Rex: There was a trend of making up stories about wee folks!

Utahraptor: On or about things that rhyme with their last names, and the foods they were eating. Less often: the clothes they could be wearing, had they the proper supplies.
T-Rex: And people say the past is boring! Could a culture that spent their time doing THIS ever be DULL??

God: T-REX IT'S FINALLY TIME TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT A TUFFET IS
T-Rex: It's a version of "tuft", ie: a bit of grass or a small mound!
God: OKAY PHEW

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · 28d

mistakes were made... or WERE they

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: It's time for me to throw...

T-Rex: ...THE ULTIMATE PARTY!!

T-Rex: The ultimate party clearly lasts ALL DAY, has BANGING TUNES, and has SEVERAL tasty meats being roasted on a spit for the whole time.
Dromiceiomimus: Hmm, I'm less into that last bit, plus I like some downtime. I think we might have different ideas of the ultimate party!
T-Rex: *gasp*

T-Rex: But if different people have different ideas of what the ultimate party is...
Utahraptor: ...yes, T-Rex!

Utahraptor: THEN THERE CAN BE NO ULTIMATE PARTY. There can only be the ultimate party for a subset of people - a party which, AT THE SAME TIME, others will find to be SUBultimate, or even - dare I say - MID??
T-Rex: Well frig. Looks like the answer is to give up on pleasing others and to please only myself!!

Narrator: LATER:
T-Rex: I need some friends to help me eat all these rotisserie chickens, and pork, and lamb.
T-Rex: ...
T-Rex: ...or DO I???

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Sep 8

EASY SOLUTION: age the baby up and give them a job at sea. it'll be like taking candy from a matey

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Sherlock Holmes scoffed - this latest case was his easiest yet!

T-Rex: It was so easy, it was like taking candy from a baby!

T-Rex: Only in reverse, since Sherlock wasn't a criminal. So I guess it was like GIVING candy to a baby?
Dromiceiomimus: Wait - that WOULD be even easier than stealing it from a baby! Why don't we say that instead?
Dromiceiomimus: Wait, why is STEALING FOOD FROM BABIES an idiom in the first place? What the hell?

Utahraptor: Dromiceiomimus is right! What does that idiom say about us?
T-Rex: I don't know!!

T-Rex: We wanted to say "this task is easily accomplished" and our first step was GRAND THEFT CANDY (INFANT BASED)? How did the first person to ever say this get away with it? I would FULLY re-evaluate my relationship with anyone who busted out "it's so easy, like that time I stole from a child" in front of me!!

Floating Batman head: t-rex you forgot about your sherlock holmes story!
T-Rex: Oh yeah! Thank you, Tiny Batman Head!
Floating Batman head: i'm only reminding you because it's MY turn to have a story about ME next

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Sep 5

the one thing you need to know about chocochops is that they're great. the other thing is that they're chocolate pork chops with a real pork chop bone

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: So there I was, enjoying a nice dinner of chocochops -

T-Rex: - which are, of course, delicious chocolate pork chops with a real pork chop bone -

T-Rex: - when it occurred to me: one day I will forget this entirely! My brain has finite space and if I don't KEEP remembering that tasty meal of chocochops, it will fade and eventually disappear! How many delicious meals have I already forgotten?

Utahraptor: It gets worse, T-Rex! How many COMPLETE BEINGS have you already forgotten?
T-Rex: OH DAMN, you're right!

T-Rex: I've definitely forgotten childhood friends of friends, and probably some actual friends too. How would I know? How can I know what I don't know? Why must I live in an eternal present with the past always fading from me unnoticed, the staggering depth and breadth of my loss ever-growing??

Off panel: I dunno, man.
T-Rex: Me neither. Welp, I'm gonna go smother my sorrow in savoury chocolate enrobed around real pig bones. You want to join?
Off panel: HELL YEAH

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Sep 3

let's use the alphabet... TO RATE THE ALPHABET??

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Alphabetical Order: arbitrary but useful! Famously, the number-one most useful arbitrary sequence you'll ever memorize!

T-Rex: These properties earn it an EASY four out of five stars!

T-Rex: Reverse Alphabetical: arbitrary but backwards, more often used for challenges or stunts than anything practical.
Dromiceiomimus: A decided step down from our previous contender garners this sequence a mere TWO out of a possible five stars.

Utahraptor: So what's left now?
T-Rex: Alphabetical Mod 5!
Utahraptor: Oh no.
T-Rex: Oh YES.

T-Rex: Alphabet Mod 5: every fifth letter, which is then removed from the set, repeated until no letters remain. Functionally useless, aesthetically unnerving, this godless combination of math and memory is utterly without grace OR utility. Zero stars.

T-Rex: Alphabet But Each Letterform Is Replaced By A Full Length Garfield Comic: it is a symptom of our fallen world and a fatal blow against Leibniz that we do not communicate through CLASSIC GARFS. An easy FIVE STARS; with perfection achieved, our exercise is concluded.

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Sep 2

"what if it feels like it's real but it's fake??" okay what if it feels like it's veal but it's cake. WHAT IF??

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Okay, so there are people who honestly do forget meals. This is not me and has NEVER been me, but I accept that they exist!

T-Rex: They are all, APPARENTLY, not doing a bit!

T-Rex: But am I ALSO to accept that there are people who honestly don't know when they're dreaming? Are there folks with dreams SO REALISTIC that they cannot tell them apart from reality?
Dromiceiomimus: Your dreams aren't realistic?
T-Rex: They can be, SURE, but I also definitely know when I'm awake!

Utahraptor: Okay, but do you know you're dreaming while IN the dream?
T-Rex: No, do you?

Utahraptor: Ah, but if you never know you're dreaming WHILE you're dreaming, how do you know you're not dreaming RIGHT NOW?
T-Rex: WAIT, is that what everyone's on about? Baby's first philosophy gotcha? Oh my GOD, that's SO disappointing!

T-Rex: If this is a dream and I can't tell, then it's indistinguishable from reality and therefore should be treated as such. Done!
T-Rex: PHILOSOPHY IS EASY; MISS ME WITH YOUR "WHAT IF I'M A SEXY BUTTERFLY DREAMING I'M AN EVEN SEXIER LIME GREEN T-REX" BALONEY

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 29

ALSO I HAVE MANY SPECIFIC COMMENTS ON YOUR RANKINGS THAT I HAVE COMPILED INTO THIS 200,000 WORD TEXT FILE / IT IS ABRIDGED

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Devil: GREETINGS T-REX LET'S RATE ALL THE MEGA MAN BOSSES FROM BEST TO WORST
T-Rex: The Devil!
Devil: FROM MEMORY

T-Rex: Daaaaang this is not going to be a good time for anyone!

T-Rex: Okay! There's Metal Blade Man, who I think is actually called Metal Man or Blade Man. Then there's Leaf Shield Man, Fishy Bubble Man, and...
Dromiceiomimus: Mega Man bosses, right? Don't you get the dog from one of them?
T-Rex: I think you start with the dog.
Dromiceiomimus: I think there should be Dog Man.
Narrator: ...

Devil: YOUR PERFORMANCE IS LACKLUSTER AT BEST
T-Rex: Car Man?
Utahraptor: Van man?

Devil: YOUR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF MEGA MAN LORE MAKES YOU UNIQUELY UNSUITABLE FOR THIS AND THEREFORE ANY OTHER TASK T-REX
T-Rex: Oh well! Looks like I lose!!
Devil: I BID YOU ADIEU

Narrator: BUT THEN:
T-Rex: Hah hah! Secretly I know a LOT about Mega Man, including "Mega Man?": a duplicate of Mega Man except he sports both a scarf and a question mark in his name!!
Devil: T-REX
Devil: MMM THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 27

yeah, i'll skip the cold ones, thanks. hey - you got any ones that are the precise same temperature as my guts?

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Etiquette is a series of agreed-upon behaviours that smooth social interactions by giving everyone an idea of what to do! Hence...

Narrator: T-REX'S GUIDE TO ETIQUETTE
Narrator: aka T-Retiquette

T-Rex: When someone enters your house, you should offer them a drink. Which drink varies on the relationship and the time of day, BECAUSE NOTHING IS EVER EASY, but an evergreen option that should always be on offer is water. Everyone loves water!
Dromiceiomimus: I drink so much water that by now my body's 75% of the stuff!
Dromiceiomimus and T-Rex: Hah hah hah

T-Rex: Now, if they say yes to water -
Utahraptor: Yes to water!
T-Rex: - you must ascertain TEMP PREFS.

T-Rex: Do they prefer ice water, which is really a cheeky combination of TWO kinds of water? Or do they want chilled water? Room temperature water? BODY TEMPERATURE WATER?
Utahraptor: The last one, I guess.
T-Rex: Ah, THE PERFECT CHOICE.

T-Rex: Now, body temperature water should be both flavourless AND nigh unnoticeable: a damp but otherwise featureless mass of matter sliding down your throat.
Off panel: On second thought I'd rather never drink again.
T-Rex: Too late! Evolution decided THAT wasn't an OPTION!

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 25

i just want to look out the window and mutter "nice weather for snakes", is that too much to ask

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Rain is nice weather for ducks!

T-Rex: But: what's nice weather for OTHER animals??

Dromiceiomimus: I believe sunshine is nice weather for snakes, on account of how they're cold-blooded!
T-Rex: That makes sense! But wait, they can get too hot too, right? Don't they need shade AND sun? Is partially cloudy nice weather for snakes?
Dromiceiomimus: Let's find out together!

Narrator: T-REX AND DROMICEIOMIMUS THEN RESEARCH SNAKES TOGETHER
Narrator: (PIC UNRELATED)

Narrator: IN SO DOING THEY LEARN A TON ABOUT SNAKES, INCLUDING THAT, WHILE IT VARIES BETWEEN SPECIES, THEY NEED BOTH SUN AND SHADE. IT'S FUN TO HANG OUT WITH A FRIEND AND THE TWO OF THEM HAVE A GREAT TIME
Narrator: (PIC UNRELATED)

Narrator: T-REX AND DROMICEIOMIMUS BOTH FEEL LIKE THEY'VE LEVELLED UP THEIR FRIENDSHIP, AND IT FEELS GREAT. FRIENDSHIP IS GREAT. IT FEELS LIKE THIS:
Narrator: (PIC RELATED)
Narrator: (FINALLY)

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 22

I HAVE OFFICIALLY FORGOTTEN IT, SORRY NORMOS

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: The internet was good before companies were on it, and then companies ruined everything!
Off panel: Nope!
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus!

T-Rex: Let me come closer so that we might discuss this further!

Dromiceiomimus: Companies were on the internet from near the very beginning, T-Rex. You'll remember that .com was explicitly for commercial web sites, yes?
T-Rex: I will not!!
T-Rex: ...DAMN IT, I JUST DID. I remembered that!
T-Rex: Frig!

Utahraptor: So companies didn't ruin everything?
T-Rex: At least not initially, no!

T-Rex: Okay, new theory: the internet was good when it was just a bunch of weirdos, and then boring normal people ruined it.
Utahraptor: Nope again, buddy! There were a bunch of normal people on the internet from the beginning. Nobody wants to admit it, but it's true!

Narrator: THE EARLY INTERNET:
T-Rex: With the advent of electronic mail, or "e-mail", I can talk to over 5000 strange weirdos from around the world!
Off panel: And 14 normal people too!
T-Rex: ...
T-Rex: I'M CHOOSING TO FORGET THAT

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 20

not to mention her mad drip and endless always-on aura farming

qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Narrator: THE MYTH OF MEDUSA part 2: now starring T-Rex as narrator
T-Rex: Medusa quickly worked to gain control of her power. She put a paper bag over her head and then wore shades over her eyes!

T-Rex: Bam!
T-Rex: PROBLEM SOLVED FOREVER!

T-Rex: Then she stood in a farmer's field when a plague of locusts came, and they all turned to stone, saving the town from famine! She went into business, visiting ships to turn their rats to stone, houses to stoneify their lice and bedbugs, and even removed bacteria from drinking water, leaving only tiny and easily-removed bacteria-shaped rocks at the bottom.
Dromiceiomimus: Now THAT'S what I call an objective improvement!!

T-Rex: Eventually Medusa married a man who didn't care if he could never see her face.
Utahraptor: Nice!

Utahraptor: Because he could still smooch said face as long as he kept his eyes closed?
T-Rex: EASILY. Also, her snake hair gave things an element of danger which they both found fascinating. And she lived happily and richly and popularily ever after.

T-Rex: Her enemies tried to spread malicious rumours about her, but they failed, and so history remembered her as being this really awesome lady with a really cool superpower.
T-Rex: THE END

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 18

i hereby resolve to not read wikipedia to find out how this ends

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

Narrator: Once upon a time there was a lady named Medusa, who a lot of people found conventionally attractive!
T-Rex: Hey boys! I'm the kind of hot society tells you to like!
Narrator: Medusa had some fun sex once.

Narrator: THE MYTH OF MEDUSA
Narrator: starring T-REX as MEDUSA

Narrator: No big deal, right? But it turned out that Athena (a LITERAL GOD) did think it was a big deal, because that fun sex happened inside HER temple.
Athena: NO HAVING SEX IN HERE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? THIS IS BASICALLY A CHURCH, HELLO
Athena: STOP IMAGINING NAKED PEOPLE AND THINK ABOUT RELIGION AND STUFF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIVES

Athena: ANYWAY MEDUSA, NOW THE SIGHT OF YOUR FACE WILL TURN ANY LIVING THING TO STONE
Utahraptor: Yeah, what?!
T-Rex: What?!

T-Rex: This punishment seems ENTIRELY unrelated to my alleged "crime"!!
Athena: COMPLAIN AGAIN AND I'LL TURN YOUR HAIR INTO SNAKES
Utahraptor: But that's even less related!!

Athena: TOO LATE, ENJOY HAVING TO FEED MICE TO YOUR HAIR FOREVER NOW
T-Rex: The snakes are invisible for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture.
Athena: OBVIOUSLY. ANYWAY ENJOY BEING THE SINGLE GREATEST BIOWEAPON ON THE PLANET, BYEEE

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 15

weenahol is a controlled substance by and for weens

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Suddenly, our world is PRECISELY as we all remember, except for one small detail...
T-Rex: ...TIME TRAVEL is now routine!

T-Rex: So actually NOTHING'S familiar, since someone just went back in time - changing EVERYTHING!!

Dromiceiomimus: But - everything seems exactly the same?
T-Rex: Ah, but when you change history, you also change MEMORIES! So what WE think is normal changed right along with it. Wouldn't you agree, TRUCKOLITA??
Dromiceiomimus: Why are you saying my extremely normal name like that??

Utahraptor: So NOBODY knows things have changed?
T-Rex: Not even me! It's LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

T-Rex: But as you can see, I'm prepping for it, just in case.
Utahraptor: For something that - by definition, WEENAHOL JONES - you'll never consciously experience.
T-Rex: YEP!! I love MY normal name too, by the way. It makes me sound like a controlled substance!

Narrator: AT THIS POINT EVERYTHING CHANGES BACK TO NORMAL AND STAYS THAT WAY, AND IT'S NEVER DISCUSSED AGAIN:
T-Rex: Whoah!
T-Rex: Does anyone ELSE feel like they lost something too perfect for this world??

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Reposted by Dinosaur Comics!

christopher575 @christopher575.bsky.social · Aug 13

After 16 years of leaving T-Rex's caption spot open I decided to have Gage Young at Burial Tattoo in Everett, WA put a QR code there. I know it won't work forever, when the time comes I can black it out for a night mode T-Rex, or just keep it because it looks rad.

cc @ryannorth.ca

Tattoo of T-Rex in panel 2 of Dinosaur Comics. Where his caption would normally go is a new tattoo of a QR code which leads to https://gmwnet.com/clbtat/

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Dinosaur Comics! @qwantz.com · Aug 13

i am utterly taken with the idea of removing "discovered x" from my vocabulary and replacing it with "invented learning what an X is"

www.qwantz.com/index.php?co...

T-Rex: Okay REALITY, quick question:

T-Rex: WHY are crimes so much harder to solve HERE than in FICTION?

Dromiceiomimus: Maybe it's because in fiction you have a benevolent creator who shares your sense of justice and wants to see the case solved in a truly satisfying way, while here in reality we have no such benefits and are as such utterly alone, utterly lost, with nobody ever coming to save us?
T-Rex: Nah, that can't be it. But what IS the reason then??

Utahraptor: Maybe our time frame is too short?
T-Rex: Aha! Explain!

Utahraptor: A bunch of cold cases got solved once we invented learning what a DNA is. Maybe in the future we'll invent some new technology, like a telescope that lets you look into the past, and then a TON of cases will all be solved, and justice will prevail!
T-Rex: Yesssss

Off panel: The telescope that lets you look into the past is also used by perverts to take creeper shot of major historical figures on the toilet.
T-Rex: Nooooooo

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