I went bowling for the first time in a while. For a work Christmas party. It was suffocating. Suppression is exhausting and saddening. 💜

I can't help 🔥🌼
It's not safe. It's like being with family. There is only me 💜
Sometimes 🩷
We are healing, into better. But there are still broken fragments. 🔥💜

Mental health is wild. Mental illnesses can so drastically change how we experience the world. It can feel so differing. So othering. It so often feels like no one experiences anywhere near this.🔥💜

I need to lose weight. I don't know how I'm going to but I don't think I've ever felt so certain that I need to change things *now*. I'm so scared.

Eating disorders suck. Why can't I have a normal relationship with food and my body? I hate this all.

Mini lemon meringue, pumpkin, and chocolate tarts in preparation for a late Canadian Thanksgiving that I'm having tomorrow night. So excited!

Most times my meds balance the bipolar out enough that I don't notice having it anymore.

Some times though I am struck with an episode of depression or mania that wrecks me. While I am better now at realizing 'hey I think I'm manic rn' I am still not good at stopping the manic actions.

I am struggling so hard. Idk even where to begin to try to feel better. Everything is really hard and emotionally heavy. I can hardly breathe often because of how tight my chest and throat feel.

I keep missing work. I'm scared to leave the house. I cry, all the time. Idk how to go on like this.

Very excited to hang out and do some Christmas shopping shenanigans with the girlies @ladyofthevalley.bsky.social @villene.bsky.social !!! 😃🎄🎁

Actually completed (beat?) The game Spiritfarer today. I started it ages ago and then had it on hiatus for a long time. Got all but three steam achievements now though. I'm so proud of myself because I so rarely actually finish video games!!! I definitely would recommend anybody to play it.

Been working on a crochet Christmas present for someone, happily working away. Finally finished it today. Immediately look at it and think, wow I hate this. Wish I could get back all that time and money and do something else. Probably going to buy a back up thing in case they hate it too.

It seems this place needs a reminder too.

Been feeling like I need more small/medium goals for the future to keep me moving forward and happy. So I think I may try pushing myself to do more by keeping track of what I do in a year. Video games beat, crafts complete, movies watched, books read, etc. Any other metrics please recommend!

Any tips for managing long distance relationships? In particular loneliness surrounding missing physical intimacy and the longing for sharing everyday routine activities together.

While there's no way I'm quitting, it's hard to get through some days. I feel like such a soft crybaby these days.

Brought out my GameCube from storage at my mom's place. TIL some of these are still worth a lot of money? Regardless, I'm going to enjoy replaying them!!

Y'all what should I do with my day after work?
A) Nap 😴
B) Play Stardew Valley 🎮
C) Crochet 🧶
D) Laundry and other chores 😭

Other suggestions welcome!!

Today is a day where I don't feel good about myself, especially my body. Trying to remember some positive things to keep me afloat.
1) I am good at teaching people board games.
2) I listen genuinely to my friends.
3) I can cook many things.