The Spiral
@realfakespiral.bsky.social
Hypnokink's most trusted, truthful news source.
(Parody of a parody. Absolutely incorrect or otherwise satirical fake headlines ahead. Not affiliated with The Onion)
(Parody of a parody. Absolutely incorrect or otherwise satirical fake headlines ahead. Not affiliated with The Onion)
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OOC: For those who have not read the Bio of this page, this account is NOT run by The Onion. It's instead ran by @hornydollywess.bsky.social
IC: If anyone wishes to contact our very well clicker-trained news team, please use Bluesky's DM feature with your stories. We at SpiralHQ will reply shortly
IC: If anyone wishes to contact our very well clicker-trained news team, please use Bluesky's DM feature with your stories. We at SpiralHQ will reply shortly
Kentucky State University Students Shocked When Tech Lab Explodes In Ball Of Purple Gas. Eyewitness Reports Say That A Man In A Labcoat And Massive Glowing Goggles Was Admitted, With No Suspicions Raised.
November 16, 2025 at 10:21 PM
Kentucky State University Students Shocked When Tech Lab Explodes In Ball Of Purple Gas. Eyewitness Reports Say That A Man In A Labcoat And Massive Glowing Goggles Was Admitted, With No Suspicions Raised.
Sudden Rise In Early Festive Celebrations Linked To Elf Cosplayer With Suspiciously Pocket Watch-Shaped Christmas Tree Bauble
Source: @tattiealt.bsky.social
Source: @tattiealt.bsky.social
November 16, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Sudden Rise In Early Festive Celebrations Linked To Elf Cosplayer With Suspiciously Pocket Watch-Shaped Christmas Tree Bauble
Source: @tattiealt.bsky.social
Source: @tattiealt.bsky.social
New "Woke" Trend Features Hypnotised Subjects Being Woken From Trance Unwillingly, With Hypnotists Saying "You've Just Got Woked".
The Movement Has A Mascot Of A Clown They Call "The Woker" Who Features The Catchphrase "Why So Sleepius?"
The Movement Has A Mascot Of A Clown They Call "The Woker" Who Features The Catchphrase "Why So Sleepius?"
November 16, 2025 at 6:45 PM
New "Woke" Trend Features Hypnotised Subjects Being Woken From Trance Unwillingly, With Hypnotists Saying "You've Just Got Woked".
The Movement Has A Mascot Of A Clown They Call "The Woker" Who Features The Catchphrase "Why So Sleepius?"
The Movement Has A Mascot Of A Clown They Call "The Woker" Who Features The Catchphrase "Why So Sleepius?"
Russian Femme Fatale Spy Charged By ICC After Making 300 Wealthy Businessmen Sing & Dance Provicatively To The Soviet Union's National Anthem
November 16, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Russian Femme Fatale Spy Charged By ICC After Making 300 Wealthy Businessmen Sing & Dance Provicatively To The Soviet Union's National Anthem
Missing Hollywood Star Found After Three Days Missing, Now In 18th Century Ballgown And Speaking Overly Verbosely. "This Outfit Is Not Indicative Of My Date With My Prince, But Rather For A New Acting Gig! Princesses Like Me Never Lie!" According To Interview To The Spiral.
November 6, 2025 at 10:40 AM
Missing Hollywood Star Found After Three Days Missing, Now In 18th Century Ballgown And Speaking Overly Verbosely. "This Outfit Is Not Indicative Of My Date With My Prince, But Rather For A New Acting Gig! Princesses Like Me Never Lie!" According To Interview To The Spiral.
North Dakota National Park Reports Sightings Of "Hypnomaster68". Tourists Advised To Point And Laugh.
November 5, 2025 at 8:16 PM
North Dakota National Park Reports Sightings Of "Hypnomaster68". Tourists Advised To Point And Laugh.
Minnesottan Woman Caught Thieving "Cursed" Mask And Forcing It On People's Faces To Enslave Them. "Oh I wasn't Hypnotised Or Anything, She's Just So Eager I Didn't Wanna Hurt Her By Telling The Truth" Her Wife States
November 4, 2025 at 7:22 AM
Minnesottan Woman Caught Thieving "Cursed" Mask And Forcing It On People's Faces To Enslave Them. "Oh I wasn't Hypnotised Or Anything, She's Just So Eager I Didn't Wanna Hurt Her By Telling The Truth" Her Wife States
Massachusetts’ Newest Hypno-Villain Just Shoving Spirals In People’s Faces With No Actual Induction, Still Manages Several Successful Robberies.
Tellers Investigated For Potential Hypnosis Kinks.
Source: @roboticnova.bsky.social
Tellers Investigated For Potential Hypnosis Kinks.
Source: @roboticnova.bsky.social
November 3, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Massachusetts’ Newest Hypno-Villain Just Shoving Spirals In People’s Faces With No Actual Induction, Still Manages Several Successful Robberies.
Tellers Investigated For Potential Hypnosis Kinks.
Source: @roboticnova.bsky.social
Tellers Investigated For Potential Hypnosis Kinks.
Source: @roboticnova.bsky.social
New Executive Order Under The Trump Administration's "Pride Of America" Act Replaces Any Hypnotic Imagery With American Flags and Any Hypnotic Audio With The Patriotic Kazoo Group's Cover Of "Star-Spangled Banner"
November 3, 2025 at 8:08 PM
New Executive Order Under The Trump Administration's "Pride Of America" Act Replaces Any Hypnotic Imagery With American Flags and Any Hypnotic Audio With The Patriotic Kazoo Group's Cover Of "Star-Spangled Banner"
Mysterious Phanto Mask Manufacturer's Stocks Plummet As Halloween Passes And Alleged Mind Altering Effects End.
One insider Said "Yeah The Suits Were Really Banking On That Pagan Magic In Each One Working But The Censors Never Cleared The Activation Commercial To air And Make The Spell Last Longer"
One insider Said "Yeah The Suits Were Really Banking On That Pagan Magic In Each One Working But The Censors Never Cleared The Activation Commercial To air And Make The Spell Last Longer"
November 3, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Mysterious Phanto Mask Manufacturer's Stocks Plummet As Halloween Passes And Alleged Mind Altering Effects End.
One insider Said "Yeah The Suits Were Really Banking On That Pagan Magic In Each One Working But The Censors Never Cleared The Activation Commercial To air And Make The Spell Last Longer"
One insider Said "Yeah The Suits Were Really Banking On That Pagan Magic In Each One Working But The Censors Never Cleared The Activation Commercial To air And Make The Spell Last Longer"
Northern English Hypnotist Frustrated Nobody Can Follow His Inductions Due To Percieved Language Barrier
November 3, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Northern English Hypnotist Frustrated Nobody Can Follow His Inductions Due To Percieved Language Barrier
UK OFCOM Regulation Board Bans Airings Of The Jungle Book On TV After Concerns Raised That Kaa The Snake Could Be Used To Hypnotise The Public Into Attempting Coitus With Snakes
November 3, 2025 at 5:07 PM
UK OFCOM Regulation Board Bans Airings Of The Jungle Book On TV After Concerns Raised That Kaa The Snake Could Be Used To Hypnotise The Public Into Attempting Coitus With Snakes
Local Superhero Accused of Deliberately Inhaling Ominous Pink Gas While Letting Known Chemist Crimelord Escape.
Police Inquiry States "No foul play".
Unrelated Story: PharmaCorp Has Recently Given $300k To Chicago PD In Charity Fair
Police Inquiry States "No foul play".
Unrelated Story: PharmaCorp Has Recently Given $300k To Chicago PD In Charity Fair
November 3, 2025 at 5:05 PM
Local Superhero Accused of Deliberately Inhaling Ominous Pink Gas While Letting Known Chemist Crimelord Escape.
Police Inquiry States "No foul play".
Unrelated Story: PharmaCorp Has Recently Given $300k To Chicago PD In Charity Fair
Police Inquiry States "No foul play".
Unrelated Story: PharmaCorp Has Recently Given $300k To Chicago PD In Charity Fair
Local Casinogoer Bets Mind on Roulette, Wins $550k: "Honestly, I'm a Little Dissapointed"
Source: @mindlessmessy.bsky.social
Further Enquiry With Casino Stated "Why Would We Allow Such Bets With Incorporeal Items? Our Bunnygirl Waitresses Are All Here Willingly!"
Source: @mindlessmessy.bsky.social
Further Enquiry With Casino Stated "Why Would We Allow Such Bets With Incorporeal Items? Our Bunnygirl Waitresses Are All Here Willingly!"
November 3, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Local Casinogoer Bets Mind on Roulette, Wins $550k: "Honestly, I'm a Little Dissapointed"
Source: @mindlessmessy.bsky.social
Further Enquiry With Casino Stated "Why Would We Allow Such Bets With Incorporeal Items? Our Bunnygirl Waitresses Are All Here Willingly!"
Source: @mindlessmessy.bsky.social
Further Enquiry With Casino Stated "Why Would We Allow Such Bets With Incorporeal Items? Our Bunnygirl Waitresses Are All Here Willingly!"
New Study Shows One In Every Three Employees at NotEvilHypno Inc. Could Be Linked To Massive Surge In Bank Robberies.
"I Don't Remember Doing that? Did You Ask The CEO?" One Employee Stated.
Our Interviewer Has No Recollection Of the Meeting, And Asked Us To Not Air This Story.
"I Don't Remember Doing that? Did You Ask The CEO?" One Employee Stated.
Our Interviewer Has No Recollection Of the Meeting, And Asked Us To Not Air This Story.
November 3, 2025 at 4:59 PM
New Study Shows One In Every Three Employees at NotEvilHypno Inc. Could Be Linked To Massive Surge In Bank Robberies.
"I Don't Remember Doing that? Did You Ask The CEO?" One Employee Stated.
Our Interviewer Has No Recollection Of the Meeting, And Asked Us To Not Air This Story.
"I Don't Remember Doing that? Did You Ask The CEO?" One Employee Stated.
Our Interviewer Has No Recollection Of the Meeting, And Asked Us To Not Air This Story.
Local Confessional Booth Under Investigation Following Claims Of Brainwashed Staff
Mascot Quoted As Saying "Honestly, What Were You Expecting?"
Source: @hypnoconfessions.bsky.social
Mascot Quoted As Saying "Honestly, What Were You Expecting?"
Source: @hypnoconfessions.bsky.social
November 3, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Local Confessional Booth Under Investigation Following Claims Of Brainwashed Staff
Mascot Quoted As Saying "Honestly, What Were You Expecting?"
Source: @hypnoconfessions.bsky.social
Mascot Quoted As Saying "Honestly, What Were You Expecting?"
Source: @hypnoconfessions.bsky.social
After 7 Years Of Rehabilitation, Local Town's Bleeding Heart Hypnosub Finally asked Her First Hypnotist To Hypnotise Her Directly
November 3, 2025 at 4:45 PM
After 7 Years Of Rehabilitation, Local Town's Bleeding Heart Hypnosub Finally asked Her First Hypnotist To Hypnotise Her Directly
1.4 Million Americans Affected By Rogue Uncensored Spiral Sienfeld Episode. John Kramer Is Now Known As "The Sissyfier"
November 3, 2025 at 4:44 PM
1.4 Million Americans Affected By Rogue Uncensored Spiral Sienfeld Episode. John Kramer Is Now Known As "The Sissyfier"
Russian Numbers Station Broadcast Hijacked By "Well Meaning" 54 Year Old Creepy Guy Who Thinks It Would Help Him Hypnotise Women Into Being His Sex Slaves.
November 3, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Russian Numbers Station Broadcast Hijacked By "Well Meaning" 54 Year Old Creepy Guy Who Thinks It Would Help Him Hypnotise Women Into Being His Sex Slaves.
OOC: For those who have not read the Bio of this page, this account is NOT run by The Onion. It's instead ran by @hornydollywess.bsky.social
IC: If anyone wishes to contact our very well clicker-trained news team, please use Bluesky's DM feature with your stories. We at SpiralHQ will reply shortly
IC: If anyone wishes to contact our very well clicker-trained news team, please use Bluesky's DM feature with your stories. We at SpiralHQ will reply shortly
November 3, 2025 at 4:41 PM
OOC: For those who have not read the Bio of this page, this account is NOT run by The Onion. It's instead ran by @hornydollywess.bsky.social
IC: If anyone wishes to contact our very well clicker-trained news team, please use Bluesky's DM feature with your stories. We at SpiralHQ will reply shortly
IC: If anyone wishes to contact our very well clicker-trained news team, please use Bluesky's DM feature with your stories. We at SpiralHQ will reply shortly
Iowans Not Actually That Bothered By The Local Brainwashing Supervillain. One Local States "If She's So Out Of Creativity That She Calls Herself Hypnotica, I Think We'll Be Alright"
November 3, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Iowans Not Actually That Bothered By The Local Brainwashing Supervillain. One Local States "If She's So Out Of Creativity That She Calls Herself Hypnotica, I Think We'll Be Alright"