Evil person. I am deeply evil

I will never be satisfied will I

I don't know what the proper term for this is, but sometimes I'll "see" things from shapes in the environment and vividly imagine a person there for a split second. More than likely part of my schizophrenia.

Saya no Uta makes me happy as a love story, being able to find love and happiness even in the state Fuminori is in.

I'm sick of my Mom making judgements on every little purchase I make.

It frightens me a lot that I could have fallen to incel ideology. Had I not made the right friends, choices, etc... I would've been one of them. It seemed like an easy explaination to my struggles with women.

I'm thankful I did not go down that route.

Parts of me still don't accept I have schizophrenia. I mean, it sounds so scary. I wish these damn hallucinations and delusions weren't so common.

About a year ago I had delusions of my schizophrenia being a punishment from God. That I was born inherently evil, and there was nothing I could do to resolve it or make me better.

Parts of that still linger on even now. I am so sick of feeling like I am the spawn of Cain.

Still really mad at that one ex-friend who misgendered me on purpose. Shit I wouldn't have known she did so if she didn't flat out say she did

It's probably a sign I need to take my meds when I start Homelander posting

I'm gonna say what's on my mind here.

Sick of needing to prove my worth to people. Unless I'm x or y I'm not worth talking to apparently.

Years of people neglecting friendships with me got me to this point