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River Side Casino

@riversidecasino.bsky.social

18K followers 130 following 3.4K posts

The Midwest’s Best Casino On This Side Of The Hoover River Slots, table games, golf, luxury spa, sweat lodge, ball pit, dining options, concert/convention center, and some other stuff. Definitely haunted. Contributors: https://go.bsky.app/4yomz8H

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · Feb 3

Our present and past/escaped contributors do amazing work here on Bluesky for which they are compensated handsomely. Still, throw them a pity follow. We'll count it as their Christmas bonus.

go.bsky.app/4yomz8H

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4h

"To succeed at blackjack you need just one thing: nerves of titanium. When I sleep at night I dream of a grand ballroom where it is always New Year's Eve."
-- Charles River, founder, River Side Casino

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 6h

No one knows why our Marketing team was not selected for MacArthur genius grants. Now what are we going to do with all these "Genius Grant recipients do it by using failures as opportunities for new approaches" t-shirts????

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 23h

My grandma who died in 2003 may have said inappropriate things but let’s get one thing clear. She was born in 1909. Times were different then. She was really old. A really old racist bitch. Anyway, the bingo room opens at 5pm tomorrow.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 1d

We're pleased to announce that Rod Stewart has dropped the lawsuit.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 2d

We were not on a poster's strike today. Our marketing team got stuck in the ventilation pipes again.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 2d

Customers who say River Side Casino doesn’t keep it real will be pleasantly surprised by our “We’re Gonna Bust Craps In Your Ass” promo.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 3d

Congratulations to our lead auditor Gary Thorndale, whose son just got married to, as Gary says, "a dental hygienist who makes me wish I was single and 20 years younger."

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 3d

A lot of people are saying, “Why does a casino need a volcano?”

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4d

We have heard your complaints. We’re going to do something about the fumes.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4d

Worried about spending too much? We'll hold your ATM card for you. It'll be nice and safe right next to all this cash we keep in the cage.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 4d

You should be celebrating Crapstober at River Side Casino!

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 5d

People in the industry say we are mismanaging growth opportunities by underleveraging data and analytics, to which we say, "What does that mean?"

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 5d

Yes, pets are allowed here at the casino, but our card dealers would prefer you to leave your spitting cobras in the car. With the windows rolled up.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 6d

We’re pretty sure we saw David Duchovny water skiing on the river today.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 6d

If you've always wanted to tour Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, a tour of our catacombs has a similar vibe.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 7d

River Side Trivia: Prince played here in 1981. He was electric, reminding the staff of why we got into the hospitality business. This weekend, we're hosting a Blink 182 tribute band. Jesus Christ.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 8d

If you feel like you’re not gambling to your full potential, come to Pete Hegseth’s motivational speech tomorrow in the cocktail lounge.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 8d

A lot of people come to a casino seeking happiness. That makes us happy.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 9d

We've added Salisbury Steak to our menu because apparently our chef thinks it's 1983.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 9d

Unlike Disneyland, we don’t have to spend millions of dollars every year to buy off the city council. We pass those savings to you!

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 10d

Many of our upper management team have a background in dentistry.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 10d

If you're still barking like a dog, contact the front desk and we'll put you in touch with Mystical Roger, last night's hypnotist.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 10d

Please be nice to Carol in reception. She donated all of her worldly possessions to her pastor who sold them on eBay.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 11d

Some people have asked why lotions and ointments used in our spa smell like recycled deep fryer oil. These people have been asked to keep their mouths shut.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 11d

For 16 cents on the dollar.