"this might be the last time I buy these before America collapses," I think as I buy, perhaps for the last time before the collapse, a pack of blue dish sponges at the Target on Eagle Rock.
January 15, 2026 at 2:13 AM
"this might be the last time I buy these before America collapses," I think as I buy, perhaps for the last time before the collapse, a pack of blue dish sponges at the Target on Eagle Rock.
every friend group has their Danimal
January 8, 2026 at 5:13 PM
every friend group has their Danimal
boss: blah blah do this do that
me, clocking a beed of sweat on his temp: that remains to be seen
me, clocking a beed of sweat on his temp: that remains to be seen
January 7, 2026 at 4:05 PM
boss: blah blah do this do that
me, clocking a beed of sweat on his temp: that remains to be seen
me, clocking a beed of sweat on his temp: that remains to be seen
Translated from the original German, Susan Sontag’s name is Susan Sunday
November 27, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Translated from the original German, Susan Sontag’s name is Susan Sunday
The tp I’ve been rocking lately has no perforation. it’s manufacturing defects like this that make me realize there are other worlds out there that I may never get to xperiencr
November 24, 2025 at 5:43 AM
The tp I’ve been rocking lately has no perforation. it’s manufacturing defects like this that make me realize there are other worlds out there that I may never get to xperiencr
goal is that someday I'll be on such friendly terms with Mr. Robert De Niro that I'll be like, "Bobby." And he'll go, "What up?"
September 29, 2025 at 10:21 PM
goal is that someday I'll be on such friendly terms with Mr. Robert De Niro that I'll be like, "Bobby." And he'll go, "What up?"
Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? And landed on your ass? And you got flat ass?
September 18, 2025 at 1:34 AM
Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? And landed on your ass? And you got flat ass?
If you want people to trust lawyers more, why’d you become an antitrust lawyer
September 9, 2025 at 2:58 AM
If you want people to trust lawyers more, why’d you become an antitrust lawyer
He’s just like you and me, he brushes his teeth one tooth at a time.
July 10, 2025 at 5:37 AM
He’s just like you and me, he brushes his teeth one tooth at a time.
Still not sure how I feel about Vonda Shepherd insinuating herself into the cast of Allie McBeal
June 14, 2025 at 3:38 AM
Still not sure how I feel about Vonda Shepherd insinuating herself into the cast of Allie McBeal
That baby was right, the snuggle IS real
June 8, 2025 at 1:23 AM
That baby was right, the snuggle IS real
As you approach the last bite of a meal, you're gonna wanna decide on the contents of that final bite. The final bite determines the flavors that resonate in your mouth afterward. Salad bite? Meatball bite?
Develop a strategy 5-10 bites ahead so the final forkload is a perfect fit for your mood.
Develop a strategy 5-10 bites ahead so the final forkload is a perfect fit for your mood.
June 4, 2025 at 6:43 PM
As you approach the last bite of a meal, you're gonna wanna decide on the contents of that final bite. The final bite determines the flavors that resonate in your mouth afterward. Salad bite? Meatball bite?
Develop a strategy 5-10 bites ahead so the final forkload is a perfect fit for your mood.
Develop a strategy 5-10 bites ahead so the final forkload is a perfect fit for your mood.
Daughter’s couch fort just collapsed and I was reminded of that band, Built to Spill.
May 29, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Daughter’s couch fort just collapsed and I was reminded of that band, Built to Spill.
I know there’s a lot going on in the world. But you know how when ordering poke and you ask for “double salmon” they sometimes don’t give you enough? My tip is to ask for 1 salmon, then pretend you’re thinking of the next fish, but then go “actually another salmon.”
It seems to reset the portions.
It seems to reset the portions.
May 26, 2025 at 3:06 AM
I know there’s a lot going on in the world. But you know how when ordering poke and you ask for “double salmon” they sometimes don’t give you enough? My tip is to ask for 1 salmon, then pretend you’re thinking of the next fish, but then go “actually another salmon.”
It seems to reset the portions.
It seems to reset the portions.
My favorite part about going to the zoo is hearing other dads misidentify animals.
“Look honey, a walrus!” (sea otter)
“Check out that duck!” (big white swan)
“Ooh look, an eagle!” (cape vultures)
“Look honey, a walrus!” (sea otter)
“Check out that duck!” (big white swan)
“Ooh look, an eagle!” (cape vultures)
May 19, 2025 at 1:53 AM
My favorite part about going to the zoo is hearing other dads misidentify animals.
“Look honey, a walrus!” (sea otter)
“Check out that duck!” (big white swan)
“Ooh look, an eagle!” (cape vultures)
“Look honey, a walrus!” (sea otter)
“Check out that duck!” (big white swan)
“Ooh look, an eagle!” (cape vultures)
Imagine dying and meeting St Peter at the pearly gates, and he’s all, “Welcome.”
May 12, 2025 at 5:42 AM
Imagine dying and meeting St Peter at the pearly gates, and he’s all, “Welcome.”
Whenever I don’t feel motivated to floss, I imagine God is watching me and will send me to hell if I miss a sesh
May 10, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Whenever I don’t feel motivated to floss, I imagine God is watching me and will send me to hell if I miss a sesh
It’s time we rephrased “speaking truth to power.” Phrase makes no sense!
Maybe “speaking truth in order to power up”? That has the ring of truth to it.
Maybe “speaking truth in order to power up”? That has the ring of truth to it.
May 2, 2025 at 2:07 AM
It’s time we rephrased “speaking truth to power.” Phrase makes no sense!
Maybe “speaking truth in order to power up”? That has the ring of truth to it.
Maybe “speaking truth in order to power up”? That has the ring of truth to it.
Has anyone else noticed that grass has become less green these days? It’s especially noticeable on my front lawn. Why isn’t anyone talking about this?
April 29, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Has anyone else noticed that grass has become less green these days? It’s especially noticeable on my front lawn. Why isn’t anyone talking about this?
Anyone know where I can meet other elite couples who are working to seed the earth with our progeny? Other Pro-Babylots
April 29, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Anyone know where I can meet other elite couples who are working to seed the earth with our progeny? Other Pro-Babylots
In my 40s feel like I’m finally relating to the gym, tan, laundry kinda lifestyle. except for the gym and tan parts.
April 27, 2025 at 2:38 AM
In my 40s feel like I’m finally relating to the gym, tan, laundry kinda lifestyle. except for the gym and tan parts.
No YOU are what the French call “les incompétents”!
that felt good.
that felt good.
April 14, 2025 at 2:50 AM
No YOU are what the French call “les incompétents”!
that felt good.
that felt good.
What should I name my main char - Dana Carbfar or Deana Evercarb?
April 7, 2025 at 2:33 PM
What should I name my main char - Dana Carbfar or Deana Evercarb?
Now would be a great time for Sting to reveal the results of his sex research. What if he’s been stuck a continuous orgasm loop for the last 20 years.
April 5, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Now would be a great time for Sting to reveal the results of his sex research. What if he’s been stuck a continuous orgasm loop for the last 20 years.
