Today’s online purchases:
Nasal spray flu vaccine
Pooping stool
Pepper spray
Short that says “fish around and find trout”

Gotta get this on a business card to whip out at rude customers

I need Alfredo gnocchi right now

Waffle fries with potato salad style dipping sauce and deviled egg filling on top. Like potat-salad deviled egg poutine

I think it might fix me if I could massage the front of my spine

20 fuck ya life: bing bong

Crying at the beginning of the space needle show bc it meant another year without Michelle, and then crying again at the end bc it was set to Chappell Roan Hot To Go and I was so happy to live in a time where a lesbian song was chosen for a national firework show. Happy new year

If I was in Skyrim, I’d be studying the part of magic that holds them reanimated skeleton bones together to try to use it to help strengthen my joints bc my knees hurt and I’m tired of it

Bake tato 🤤

Once again mourning that there’s not a nut inside of nutmeg that is snackable. It would have truly been the perfect nut.

I’m so excited for Simon’s important videos this year

When the podcast episodes 🫦

Migraine so crazy I couldn’t read an analog clock

If you’re ever thinking “man it’s been a while since my last migraine, I can’t even remember it” just stop it. That’s how you trigger a migraine for the next day.

Worst thing about funerals at churches is you can’t swear to get it all out so you just gotta cry in front of 50 people you haven’t seen since you were 9.

Me: They can’t possibly look like that
Google: •=•

Called in once again

“Oh god”
“What is it, you ok?”
“We are irresponsibly buying Parmesan”