Giving Myself Food Poisoning Every Day For A Month

Update, Day 2: I am withdrawing from the challenge.

Most of my male dating clients want to know why Febreze isn't spelled Fabreze with an A like fabric.

I tell them when I acquired the brand it was sold as a fever medicine, or "febrile tonic".

In 1851 we shared a facility with an upholstery deodorizer called Motrin. Neither was selling very well.

Top three reasons I won't get plastic surgery:
1. It's expensive.
2. It might be botched.
3. I don't want all my dreams to be about a person with my old face screaming, "Let me out!"

Slogan for Fancy Feast: Cats only want one thing and it's disgusting.

Are you living the dream? Or are you just driving the leam?

Kids should eat whatever they want, whenever they want. Adults should eat their least favorite food, exclusively and rarely.

Do you feel like an object or a process? You could argue that we are more process than object but it's impossible not to feel more object than process.

Caramel eyes
Caramelize
Caramel lies

This is an apocalyptic catastrophe. It's an apo'strophe.

Enough is enough. But never enough is never enough.

Some of us were alive in 1936. Some of us will be alive in 2116. For the rest of us, 2025 is the only perfect square we will get. Drink it in, brothers and sisters.

The Age of AI is the worst age to be named Al.

Nationalism is weaponized brand loyalty.

Is God capable of gratitude? God is capable of anything, fine. Are They grateful for anything, to anything?