What about all the couch sacrifices?

So Shady Vance are you going to have this Heat to Heart talk with PedoFelon on your favorite couch?

Did shady Vance mention how the tax money cut from SNAP was going to go to the new vice president federal Couch fund to buy more couches for One Observatory Circle?

Hey Shady Vance does your ikea Vinliden know your cheating on her with a faux BarcaLounger?

“Nothing better than a 12 pack of Coors Light and a good Ikea KIVIK sofa in the morning!” — JD “Shady” Vance.

We already know what Shady Vance is going to do with his new SNAP winnings…. Buy another couch and some cushion lube. The only thing Shady Vance loves to screw over more then starving people.

Was he also arguing about the firmness of the couch in the dorm lounge verses the dum da dum da dum da frat house?

Oh no someone is sleeping on the couch tonight.

Shady Vance doesn’t even thank his grandma for letting him use her couch.

“Ooh. Ahh..Going to need to replace the upholstery on grandmas basement sofa tonight.”

So now we know who Couch Douche Vance fantasizes about when he’s molesting his Hopson Love Seat.

Oh he didn’t Vanish he just found the Lazy Boy couch in Wonka’s office and just couldn’t help himself.