@sadfatguy.bsky.social
Pinned
Archiving my tweets that I think are worth keeping here for now.
The real treasure was the friends we lost along the way
April 16, 2025 at 11:31 PM
The real treasure was the friends we lost along the way
I'm like David Bowie, expect instead of being androgynous, I'm distinctly male, and instead of being musically talented, I'm fat.
5/27/16
5/27/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:45 AM
I'm like David Bowie, expect instead of being androgynous, I'm distinctly male, and instead of being musically talented, I'm fat.
5/27/16
5/27/16
Dogs love me because they can't smell wasted potential
7/6/16
7/6/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:38 AM
Dogs love me because they can't smell wasted potential
7/6/16
7/6/16
Fun fact!
T-ravs dunked in male syrup taste delicious!
10/26/16
T-ravs dunked in male syrup taste delicious!
10/26/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:19 AM
Fun fact!
T-ravs dunked in male syrup taste delicious!
10/26/16
T-ravs dunked in male syrup taste delicious!
10/26/16
I miss taking showers in other people's houses
11/17/16
11/17/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:13 AM
I miss taking showers in other people's houses
11/17/16
11/17/16
Love is letting them have the last slice if pizza.
That is why I'm single.
11/26/16
That is why I'm single.
11/26/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:10 AM
Love is letting them have the last slice if pizza.
That is why I'm single.
11/26/16
That is why I'm single.
11/26/16
The only time I ever accomplished anything was when I was the first sperm to reach the egg
12/4/16
12/4/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:06 AM
The only time I ever accomplished anything was when I was the first sperm to reach the egg
12/4/16
12/4/16
I'm the kind of guy who has the confidence to get naked in front of anyone without hesitation, but also too afraid to talk to girls.
2/4/17
2/4/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:42 AM
I'm the kind of guy who has the confidence to get naked in front of anyone without hesitation, but also too afraid to talk to girls.
2/4/17
2/4/17
Sex is gross. Let's just make blanket forts and eat pizza. Baby.
2/24/17
2/24/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:37 AM
Sex is gross. Let's just make blanket forts and eat pizza. Baby.
2/24/17
2/24/17
When I die, remember me as the greatest lover you never had
5/2/17
5/2/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:28 AM
When I die, remember me as the greatest lover you never had
5/2/17
5/2/17
"The mesh in these swimming trunks feels like panties, but not the kind girls wear..." -Alex
7/7/17
7/7/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:23 AM
"The mesh in these swimming trunks feels like panties, but not the kind girls wear..." -Alex
7/7/17
7/7/17
You ever try to take a shit while wearing rollerblades?
7/9/17
7/9/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:22 AM
You ever try to take a shit while wearing rollerblades?
7/9/17
7/9/17
2nd Date Ideas:
1. Gokarts for 7 hrs
2. Watch cspan
3. Propose
4. Dig for fossils
5. Wear socks with sandals
6. Hire a mime to follow you
8/21/17
1. Gokarts for 7 hrs
2. Watch cspan
3. Propose
4. Dig for fossils
5. Wear socks with sandals
6. Hire a mime to follow you
8/21/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:19 AM
2nd Date Ideas:
1. Gokarts for 7 hrs
2. Watch cspan
3. Propose
4. Dig for fossils
5. Wear socks with sandals
6. Hire a mime to follow you
8/21/17
1. Gokarts for 7 hrs
2. Watch cspan
3. Propose
4. Dig for fossils
5. Wear socks with sandals
6. Hire a mime to follow you
8/21/17
When the fuck did punks start listening to shitty rap?
11/17/17
11/17/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:05 AM
When the fuck did punks start listening to shitty rap?
11/17/17
11/17/17
I just want to hang off the back of a garbage truck
11/19/17
11/19/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:03 AM
I just want to hang off the back of a garbage truck
11/19/17
11/19/17
Is it just me, or is gravity extra strong tonight?
12/5/17
12/5/17
January 23, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Is it just me, or is gravity extra strong tonight?
12/5/17
12/5/17
Trees don't expect to fall in love
2/26/18
2/26/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Trees don't expect to fall in love
2/26/18
2/26/18
Crescent rolls is the best non breakfast rolls
3/3/18
3/3/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:52 AM
Crescent rolls is the best non breakfast rolls
3/3/18
3/3/18
If you were a ghost, I'd still hangout with you.
4/5/18
4/5/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:48 AM
If you were a ghost, I'd still hangout with you.
4/5/18
4/5/18
Anything that happens before noon isn't real
4/23/18
4/23/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Anything that happens before noon isn't real
4/23/18
4/23/18
Orcas would definitely eat mermaids.
4/24/18
4/24/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Orcas would definitely eat mermaids.
4/24/18
4/24/18
If there's one thing I've learned from waldorf salad, it's to never trust marshmallows to not be mayonnaise
6/13/18
6/13/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:40 AM
If there's one thing I've learned from waldorf salad, it's to never trust marshmallows to not be mayonnaise
6/13/18
6/13/18
So is one of Aquaman's powers that he doesn't get wrinkly fingers even after being in the water for a long time?
8/1/18
8/1/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:38 AM
So is one of Aquaman's powers that he doesn't get wrinkly fingers even after being in the water for a long time?
8/1/18
8/1/18
Only jabronis like waffles more than pancakes.
8/27/18
8/27/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Only jabronis like waffles more than pancakes.
8/27/18
8/27/18
Nudism is alright, until a bee stings your dingle.
9/4/18
9/4/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Nudism is alright, until a bee stings your dingle.
9/4/18
9/4/18