sadfatguy.bsky.social
@sadfatguy.bsky.social
Pinned
Archiving my tweets that I think are worth keeping here for now.
The real treasure was the friends we lost along the way
April 16, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I'm like David Bowie, expect instead of being androgynous, I'm distinctly male, and instead of being musically talented, I'm fat.

5/27/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Dogs love me because they can't smell wasted potential

7/6/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:38 AM
Fun fact!
T-ravs dunked in male syrup taste delicious!

10/26/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:19 AM
I miss taking showers in other people's houses

11/17/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Love is letting them have the last slice if pizza.
That is why I'm single.

11/26/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:10 AM
The only time I ever accomplished anything was when I was the first sperm to reach the egg

12/4/16
January 23, 2025 at 4:06 AM
I'm the kind of guy who has the confidence to get naked in front of anyone without hesitation, but also too afraid to talk to girls.

2/4/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Sex is gross. Let's just make blanket forts and eat pizza. Baby.

2/24/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:37 AM
When I die, remember me as the greatest lover you never had

5/2/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:28 AM
"The mesh in these swimming trunks feels like panties, but not the kind girls wear..." -Alex

7/7/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:23 AM
You ever try to take a shit while wearing rollerblades?

7/9/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:22 AM
2nd Date Ideas:

1. Gokarts for 7 hrs
2. Watch cspan
3. Propose
4. Dig for fossils
5. Wear socks with sandals
6. Hire a mime to follow you

8/21/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:19 AM
When the fuck did punks start listening to shitty rap?

11/17/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:05 AM
I just want to hang off the back of a garbage truck

11/19/17
January 23, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Is it just me, or is gravity extra strong tonight?

12/5/17
January 23, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Trees don't expect to fall in love

2/26/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Crescent rolls is the best non breakfast rolls

3/3/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:52 AM
If you were a ghost, I'd still hangout with you.

4/5/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Anything that happens before noon isn't real

4/23/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Orcas would definitely eat mermaids.

4/24/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:47 AM
If there's one thing I've learned from waldorf salad, it's to never trust marshmallows to not be mayonnaise

6/13/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:40 AM
So is one of Aquaman's powers that he doesn't get wrinkly fingers even after being in the water for a long time?

8/1/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Only jabronis like waffles more than pancakes.

8/27/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Nudism is alright, until a bee stings your dingle.

9/4/18
January 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM