Partner: how do you say brain in Chinese?
Me: 腦 (nǎo)… as in…

Me: what do we want?
Me: BRAAAIIIINNNN!!!!!
Me: When do we want it?
Me: NǍO!!

Me: I need to wash the new jeans. Their color bleeds on everything cause they’re new.
Partner: are you sure they’re not “c over lambda”?*
Me: hmmm… I think there’s a better wave length / frequency joke somewhere. Oh, I know, they have “blue shifted” on to my shoes. 🤪

Me: if you didn’t live with me, or someone who’s super anal about putting dishes away, would your dishes live in the dishwasher?
Partner: no, of course not! I lived by myself before I lived with you; the dishes would live in the sink.
Me: 😑

Partner: what do you do when you mess up the link to a fencing meme the first time?
Me: you parry riposte? 😑

Me: your toes are like Edward Scissorhand
Partner: what did Edward do after he sees her hand?

Me: it’s eight o’clock.
Partner: if you haven’t ATE
anything yet, it’s clearly the time for it.
Me: 🤦‍♀️