thank god for having parents who celebrate the death of violent war criminals. I never get texts back from them faster than when someone heinous has croaked and I respect that

dudes trip for the plastic surgery consult 🤘 yknow

having coworkers ask if I “remember 9/11” and then realizing they were babies or NOT BORN YET was a crazy reality check that yes I am in fact in my thirties

hey bro you can’t be out here writing guitar riffs that beautiful or I’m gonna have no choice but to fall in love with you

what do they pipe into airplanes to make you cry every flight home