クリスマスの絵

six months have passed from last message here hehe
I am still alive but I don't encourage myself in this

When I write something in English it looks like awkward and clumsy.
I have had a lot English classes but still... I felt only inconvenience of using non native language
may be I am a little bit stupid or something

btw, I still live in Russia (immigration in plans, but for now I am here) and today is the day when antiLGBT law began to come into force
I am afraid but not that much
I can have problems because of this law, but it is expected
may be I got tired of being afraid and accepted all our bullshit

It's big shame but I write todo list for every new year
And my maximum of completed tasks is 30%
My life is a mess and I am okay with that!

My psychotherapist said that I am angry because of russian law against of LGBT people... But I don't feel it yet.
I just don't want to live and want to set on the fire all these officials who did this law. It doesn't feel like anger, but like coldness inside my mind? in soul??

Today I quit my job
And I'm not happy but exhausted

groundbreaking: working at a place you don't like anymore and doing job that is too damn repetitive sucks

I did stomach biopsy and now I feel sad and ill (? don't know why but all procedure was really unpleasant)
Clearly I have problems with my liver, thanks to antidepressants 😋 and several problems with stomach and guts, thanks for my eating habits 😋 😋

I got sick after I ate pasta 🥲
my life is sad and my stomach hates me a lot
(btw I am better now but still cannot eat anything)

after session with a psychologist I look like jelly
very sad jelly
but good news is this session only once a month
bad news is this session only once a month
🥲