What on earth would being 'careful' entail in this context? Should we pickle a few in formaldehyde?

Totally agree, and it's not even a clock. We should refer to it as the Doomsday Protractor.

Looks like a rather unflattering portrait of @misterabk.bsky.social to me.

Alan Carr's Khaki Keys

Contestants run around on an assault course looking for hidden keys. Whoever finds the most keys gets to open a box. Inside as either a car key, in which case they win a car, or an allen key which is the functional equivalent of Dusty Bin.

Working morons

There's a bone in his leg.

Last year I found this unbanana. There was nothing whatsoever inside the skin.

Ideally there'd be a baa baa baastard in the black.

Certainly a drawback when you're in a hurry to get to the culinary realm or the solace of the bathroom.

Would things be better if crimes were more evenly spread out? Maybe we could release the men who cut down the sycamore gap tree from jail and send them out into our rural crime deserts and fix the problem that way.

Chickens today, tsk tsk.

Yes, I remember the town centre being an absolute ghost town even on Saturday afternoons back in the 1990s, way before online shopping came into the equation.

I don't understand why sprouting potatoes aren't one of our commonest phobias. They're downright sinister.

Aren't affluent Londoners the dreadful 'metropolitan elite' who we're not supposed to feel sorry for? What am I missing?