Hooty McOwlpants 🇨🇦
@sea-ehm.bsky.social
I’m real and I hope most of my followers are too. All 🐑welcome!
My resolution this year is to lose 15 pounds. As of today I only have 20 more to go.
January 4, 2026 at 3:35 PM
My resolution this year is to lose 15 pounds. As of today I only have 20 more to go.
Everything I want is either too expensive, illegal or doesn't text me back.
November 26, 2025 at 1:41 PM
Everything I want is either too expensive, illegal or doesn't text me back.
Why do we pronounce the “G” in longevity twice?
October 23, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Why do we pronounce the “G” in longevity twice?
I'm trying to make myself a snack and my pizza says to "bake for 18-21 minutes". How do I bake sometime for -3 minutes?
September 28, 2025 at 3:29 PM
I'm trying to make myself a snack and my pizza says to "bake for 18-21 minutes". How do I bake sometime for -3 minutes?
If you are autistic and take Tylenol, do you get pregnant?
September 25, 2025 at 2:00 PM
If you are autistic and take Tylenol, do you get pregnant?
There are many reasons why I don't like
Facebook. The biggest one is the "memories" feature because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
Facebook. The biggest one is the "memories" feature because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
September 18, 2025 at 1:49 AM
There are many reasons why I don't like
Facebook. The biggest one is the "memories" feature because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
Facebook. The biggest one is the "memories" feature because it shows me 6 years ago wearing the same shirt I have on right now.
When the Hulk goes into a vicious rage and destroys everything, "he's incredible". When I do the same thing, "I'm an bad drunk".
August 15, 2025 at 1:30 PM
When the Hulk goes into a vicious rage and destroys everything, "he's incredible". When I do the same thing, "I'm an bad drunk".
I don't want to adult today. I don't even want to human today.
Today, I want to Goat.
I'm going to eat all day and lie in the backyard and head-butt anyone who tries and stop me
Today, I want to Goat.
I'm going to eat all day and lie in the backyard and head-butt anyone who tries and stop me
August 11, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I don't want to adult today. I don't even want to human today.
Today, I want to Goat.
I'm going to eat all day and lie in the backyard and head-butt anyone who tries and stop me
Today, I want to Goat.
I'm going to eat all day and lie in the backyard and head-butt anyone who tries and stop me
If you are mourning Hulk Hogan today instead of Terry Bollea, you know how to accept a trans persons new name
July 25, 2025 at 9:22 PM
If you are mourning Hulk Hogan today instead of Terry Bollea, you know how to accept a trans persons new name
We should have listened when the modems screamed at us.
July 22, 2025 at 7:41 PM
We should have listened when the modems screamed at us.
I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far but, in the end, it didn’t even matter.
July 18, 2025 at 7:11 PM
I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far but, in the end, it didn’t even matter.
I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.
July 18, 2025 at 4:23 PM
I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
July 6, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
Your hand is bisexual.
June 24, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Your hand is bisexual.
In my defence, I was left unsupervised
June 22, 2025 at 8:56 PM
In my defence, I was left unsupervised
I don't buy cookies or cakes because I'll sit there and eat them all. And yet everyday I look in the cupboard and I'm disappointed I don't have any cookies or cakes.
June 13, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I don't buy cookies or cakes because I'll sit there and eat them all. And yet everyday I look in the cupboard and I'm disappointed I don't have any cookies or cakes.
I'VE DECIDED ON MY NEW CAREER. I'M GOING TO BE A BACKWARDS STRIPPER.
I COME ON THE STAGE NAKED AND PEOPLE PAY ME TO PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON.
I COME ON THE STAGE NAKED AND PEOPLE PAY ME TO PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON.
June 5, 2025 at 1:11 AM
I'VE DECIDED ON MY NEW CAREER. I'M GOING TO BE A BACKWARDS STRIPPER.
I COME ON THE STAGE NAKED AND PEOPLE PAY ME TO PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON.
I COME ON THE STAGE NAKED AND PEOPLE PAY ME TO PUT MY CLOTHES BACK ON.
So we are getting a tree cut out of our backyard and they are going to remove the stump by grinding it out. I looked at the guy and told him he lost a glorious opportunity to name his business/service “Stump and Grind” and he gave me a look like I was either a genius or an idiot.
May 28, 2025 at 1:32 AM
So we are getting a tree cut out of our backyard and they are going to remove the stump by grinding it out. I looked at the guy and told him he lost a glorious opportunity to name his business/service “Stump and Grind” and he gave me a look like I was either a genius or an idiot.
So the person that I pay once a week to pick up poop in my backyard just figured out that I don’t have pets.
May 20, 2025 at 1:31 PM
So the person that I pay once a week to pick up poop in my backyard just figured out that I don’t have pets.