Petition to keep conversations to a minimum until 10am

I need the guy who pops his pimples on the mirror at my gym to swallow a whole bottle of facial cleanser aWAY from me

I'm not usually bitter about Valentine's, but this year man...

Will a lobotomy fix this crush I have? (I would be the recipient of the lobotomy)

I never thought I'd be stuck in Office Culture Purgatory, please get me out