I have had alexa+ for less than a day, and I'm switching to Google home. Not only is it too goddamn perky for its own good, it offers commentary. On things it literally cannot know.

I am apparently not Karen enough to live in this world.

My death will be far superior to those of previous generations. My children will find all the same photos, just interspersed with my obsessive collection of every meme that made me smile ever. No time to get a full cry on, here, laugh about this dog hitting a toddler like a MAC truck.

I'm exhausted but not sleepy, and that seems unfair and cruel.

This whole day has been a waste, and I'm about to start biting.

This meeting would be greatly improved with the addition of puppies.