Yeah, I bet.

Me trying to say "tons" and "loads" at the same time: Be careful there's TOADS of deer on the road

🎶Uwu child things are gonna get easier
Uwu child things will get brighter🎶

How do cults celebrate the holiday season?

They illuminatree

You couldn't have the Mean Girls stereo breaking scene with Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime.

It's playing normally until Gretchen kicks it and then:

SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP SIMP
*launches into her crush's face*

What's the equivalent of cock block? Parts pass? Vag-otage?

He'll be coming down the chimney!
Coming down the chimney!
Coming down thE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
COMING DOWN THE
(happy holidays)
HAPPY *just screams*
(happy holidays)

Fuck you, Taylor!
Hiking Day is FUCKING ruined

How To Train Your Dragon is horse girls, but you aren't ready to have that conversation 🙄

New Haven had to cancel their Cherry Blossom Festival due to, get this, no cherries' blossoms blossoming on time. Misjudged entirely when they'd pop out.

Damn, New Haven. We'll get 'em next time.

>Bar: karaoke night
>Me, on stage
>Tequila playing
>Others waiting for me to tell them what movie I saw that gave me body dysmorphia while simultaneously making a well-timed pun

Me, flawlessly: Akira.

>Music continues

One of my favorite activities is sliding between two objects/a wall, and someone overseeing it going "wow."

And the concept of "I'm using my Oscar speech to announce that I want a 4th kid; my wife said only if I win an Oscar, now guess what, honey?" is heinous at best.

Tim should have done a better job establishing Oogie Boogie as a villain.

A point has been made::
I didn't marry the house, I married the man.
I'm not a housewife,
I'm a manwife.

If you're wondering what that creature is next to my husband, it's Sir Sperm. We got 'em at the Museum of Se-
OH THE CAT.
Yeah, his name is Wesley.

Pretty sure I took you out last time 😡😡 So I'ma ask again:
...want to go on a second date? 🥺👉👈