I have been alcohol free (mostly) for almost four years but as we await this cyclone I have cupboard wine. Not a great sign?! 😂

We have not had a cyclone here in forever and none of us know what to do. It’s not a great feeling. Especially because our houses are not built for this kind of wind, and flooding generally sucks.

I woke at 2am and was compelled to send a message of solidarity to Guy Pearce about the Kevin spacey thing. So I did. That’s weird enough but this morning I realised I sent it to Guy Ritchie 😂 my friend asked ‘why are you like this?’ And I have no answer - crying with laughter

Things I trust more than our government:

1. Peeing in a dream
2. The cardboard handle on the 30 rack of beer
3. HR
4. Gas station sushi
5. A Sicilian man when death is on the line

Having a bit of a panic tbh

I’m with Jake & Elwood 😎 imgur.com/BAZ3ui0

I thought my mum was worried about me financially. No she’s worried my house is getting on top of me which means it’s dirty and untidy. So now I’m broke and a slutty housekeeper

Do you think the meal box delivery people will ever give up on giving me discount codes

Heaven for me would be finding out stuff I’ve always wondered. Where did my childhood cat Daisy go for 7 weeks? How did she survive? How did our cat Biscuit break her leg? Why is she like this? Mysteries of the universe too sure but mostly cats

I got paid today and now I’m broke.

Doctors love saying to me “nothing in your ear smaller than your elbow!” But I’m sorry I’m addicted to cotton buds I can’t stop no matter how many times I get otitis externa

“The era of global boiling” sounds bad can I suggest we try to avoid that

I’m in the “what does this button do?” phase of my bluesky journey

I don’t know if the faint beeping is in my head or an irl beeping. Either way it’s driving me bonkers

Our cat Hank-Daddy. A literal peeping Tom.

Bacon and eggs for lunch followed by ice cream is much better than I expected. Listen to your body people!