Pinned
Shelby Owen-Johnson
@shelbyoj.bsky.social
· Dec 31
My New Year’s resolution is to build powerful haunches that never tire as I traverse vast expanses of challenging terrain.
I have never seen an ugly public transit rider.
December 18, 2025 at 11:06 PM
I have never seen an ugly public transit rider.
I have never seen an ugly USPS letter carrier.
December 18, 2025 at 11:06 PM
I have never seen an ugly USPS letter carrier.
Special Agent John Doggett is the stepfather whose presence in my life I deeply resent.
December 18, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Special Agent John Doggett is the stepfather whose presence in my life I deeply resent.
Block an influencer today
December 18, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Block an influencer today
Wisdom teeth are the foreskin of the mouth.
December 16, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Wisdom teeth are the foreskin of the mouth.
Baddies of Twin Peaks, beware! Lorelai Gilmore will become stepmom to your daughter.
December 14, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Baddies of Twin Peaks, beware! Lorelai Gilmore will become stepmom to your daughter.
Due to an unfortunate typo I am now the ward of evil spirits.
December 11, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Due to an unfortunate typo I am now the ward of evil spirits.
A fun video game i like to play is “hide distracting items” on recipe blogs.
December 9, 2025 at 9:53 PM
A fun video game i like to play is “hide distracting items” on recipe blogs.
Errand is a word with overwhelming First Name Energy
December 6, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Errand is a word with overwhelming First Name Energy
Eggnog Targaryen
December 3, 2025 at 5:37 AM
Eggnog Targaryen
I have turned 40 and now find myself yearning for binocular ownership and bird knowledge.
December 1, 2025 at 10:11 PM
I have turned 40 and now find myself yearning for binocular ownership and bird knowledge.
Burned myself on my oven and now I’m experiencing war flashbacks to when I served on the frontlines of the On The Border tortilla machine in 2002.
December 1, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Burned myself on my oven and now I’m experiencing war flashbacks to when I served on the frontlines of the On The Border tortilla machine in 2002.
Living in an apartment building is crazy because you realize most people regularly engage in prolonged shouting at their families, partners, and cohabitants.
November 12, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Living in an apartment building is crazy because you realize most people regularly engage in prolonged shouting at their families, partners, and cohabitants.
If ships are she/her then why do they have boy names 🙁
November 10, 2025 at 5:05 PM
If ships are she/her then why do they have boy names 🙁
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my hyperfixating on the demise of SS Edmund Fitzgerald
November 10, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my hyperfixating on the demise of SS Edmund Fitzgerald
Menstruating for the full moon as my foremothers intended
November 5, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Menstruating for the full moon as my foremothers intended
All I want for Christmas is class consciousness for all and to all a good fight
November 5, 2025 at 11:35 PM
All I want for Christmas is class consciousness for all and to all a good fight
As a woman, I don’t submerge my entire head in my bath water to indicate precarious mental health and reflection on past trauma as much as television and film would have you believe.
November 5, 2025 at 9:35 PM
As a woman, I don’t submerge my entire head in my bath water to indicate precarious mental health and reflection on past trauma as much as television and film would have you believe.
Wasting bread is a SIN so make some pious French toast and penitent croutons, OR BURN IN HELLFIRE.
October 29, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Wasting bread is a SIN so make some pious French toast and penitent croutons, OR BURN IN HELLFIRE.
I do not trust any individual who plays golf.
October 23, 2025 at 12:33 AM
I do not trust any individual who plays golf.
RIP, Tony Soprano. You would have hated Kash Patel’s Manson lamps.
October 17, 2025 at 5:27 PM
RIP, Tony Soprano. You would have hated Kash Patel’s Manson lamps.
My dream car is robust public transit infrastructure.
October 9, 2025 at 8:17 PM
My dream car is robust public transit infrastructure.
The cop wife energy is crazy.
October 8, 2025 at 12:03 AM
The cop wife energy is crazy.
Taylor Swift’s The Life of A Showgirl and Katy Perry’s trip to space are spiritually identical.
October 7, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Taylor Swift’s The Life of A Showgirl and Katy Perry’s trip to space are spiritually identical.
I can talk and drive at the same time but we will be taking the most circuitous route the human mind could dare to conceive.
October 7, 2025 at 6:51 PM
I can talk and drive at the same time but we will be taking the most circuitous route the human mind could dare to conceive.