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shesdeadawake.bsky.social
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@shesdeadawake.bsky.social

#vent #diary
This week was a semi success, house a mess.

But, I did get a few quick and easy gigs this week for quick bucks.
Still gotta save, gonna attempt to job search this weekend.
I plan to get my shit together tmr.
January 9, 2026 at 3:24 AM
TGIF!!!
a woman in a pink shirt is standing in front of a table
ALT: a woman in a pink shirt is standing in front of a table
media.tenor.com
January 9, 2026 at 3:22 AM
IM TIREEEEED.

This working paycheck to paycheck ain’t for me. Let me rot away in a field of moss. Let me become the fucking wind or some shit. This economy, FUCKING America is killing me slowly.
Now I gotta go see that bitch I hate today. Sumn gotta be wrong with her.
January 8, 2026 at 5:01 PM
Fees paid, but now I don’t have enough money for a RAZORR.
Mind you I had a pack of like 10, and I let this girl borrow one.. I used maybe 5.. the math isn’t mathing. She had to have taken more. Because why now when I need a razor in hand she don’t got one..
Bet that.
January 8, 2026 at 5:00 PM
Folks get tired of being talked to crazy. Especially when you’re not the best of the team lol.
Sometimes it’s okay to be nice, I’m not gonna say nothing to the bug eyed freak because I value my place on the team.. but, she needa get it together.
January 7, 2026 at 4:06 PM
Sometimes it’s okay to be nice, I’m not gonna say nothing to the bug eyed freak because I value my place on the team.. but, she needa get it together.
January 7, 2026 at 4:05 PM
I need to get a new job, but I can’t find it in me to invest my time. Which means I’m either not desperate enough, or actually stupid. I just lay in bed, I was laying in bed for new years. I was laying in bed for Christmas. I be acting like my shit together, but DAYMN.
Jesus take the wheeeeel.
a black and white photo of a man praying with his hands folded in prayer .
ALT: a black and white photo of a man praying with his hands folded in prayer .
media.tenor.com
January 4, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Got a 500$ fee due tomorrow and my bank is mfn EMPTYY. Fees gotta be paid, my cats gotta get spayed. I’m waiting for my mfn mini that’s gonna appear one of these days. Don’t forget the 6 concerts I have planned, W NO MONEY. my friend better be PRAYINGG.

FAHHHHH
a skeleton is standing on the floor in front of a window .
ALT: a skeleton is standing on the floor in front of a window .
media.tenor.com
January 4, 2026 at 7:44 PM
-with the pieces that late 25’ didn’t pick up. And it’s a lot because where do I start? Maybe it’s just because every time the seasons change, or I am entering a new stage of life I get like this. Maybe I’m overreacting and need to be patient with myself.
Nobody has time for that though!
-start every task. Like it’s ridiculous. This isn’t me talking shit about myself. It’s me laying myself down and trying to find where to start. Idk. My words have been a jumble of nonsense lately man, it’s the damn porn. I gotta work on it. 25’ was good til December. Now it’s 26 and I’m left with
Reading, out the window.
Journaling, out the window.
Gaming, out the window.
I took a walk, and I came home pissed. Feeling unproductive.
My place is a mess, and every time I start to clean it I don’t finish. I mean it’s really bad this time. Or maybe I’m just finally aware. I need coffee to start
January 4, 2026 at 7:38 PM
-start every task. Like it’s ridiculous. This isn’t me talking shit about myself. It’s me laying myself down and trying to find where to start. Idk. My words have been a jumble of nonsense lately man, it’s the damn porn. I gotta work on it. 25’ was good til December. Now it’s 26 and I’m left with
Reading, out the window.
Journaling, out the window.
Gaming, out the window.
I took a walk, and I came home pissed. Feeling unproductive.
My place is a mess, and every time I start to clean it I don’t finish. I mean it’s really bad this time. Or maybe I’m just finally aware. I need coffee to start
January 4, 2026 at 7:35 PM
Reading, out the window.
Journaling, out the window.
Gaming, out the window.
I took a walk, and I came home pissed. Feeling unproductive.
My place is a mess, and every time I start to clean it I don’t finish. I mean it’s really bad this time. Or maybe I’m just finally aware. I need coffee to start
January 4, 2026 at 7:34 PM
Like, I have no motivation or want for anything. I’m just here. I have no money right now, like I’m too fucking broke to be sitting here. I got too much shit to do to be sitting here being a fucking idiot. Life will only be what I make of it, and at this rate it’s embarrassing.
January 4, 2026 at 7:31 PM
Been gone for a year or two, idfk.
Life got good for a minute.
Now I’m back where I started.

Ain’t shit funny, none of damn vices are helping. I’m like a bottomless pit right now and I’m shoving meaningless shit that isn’t even helping or making space inside of me. If anything it’s distracting me.
January 4, 2026 at 7:28 PM
Anyways. A bitch is back 🙋‍♀️
Which can only mean one thing.
January 4, 2026 at 7:21 PM
i love my curls, but ole girl needs a break.
i’m relaxing ts.
i thought about perming but, no.
we’re relaxing it.
September 4, 2024 at 11:28 PM
i can’t wait to be put on my meds, because then will my brain fog be clearer and then when i speak and say something it won’t sound crazy.
September 3, 2024 at 4:14 AM
so real.
September 3, 2024 at 4:13 AM
Allow me to say that, I will grind the fuck out of this shyat. i mean that whole heartedly and in the most christian way ever.
August 31, 2024 at 1:18 AM
I’m very blunt when i’m speaking, so it’s hard to try and think.
August 24, 2024 at 8:31 PM
I don’t have a speech problem, but i get excited when i talk sometimes and i speak too fast. Faster than my thoughts and I end up getting slapped in my face. I struggle thinking before I speak.
August 24, 2024 at 8:26 PM
a lot of times it’s so easier to write it out and type it out,
because if i were to try and verbally speak as how i type.. i’d screw up. nothing ever comes out of my mouth how it’s supposed to, or how pretty as it would have been if said through a note or text. I’d stutter or fumble over my words.
August 24, 2024 at 8:25 PM
i need to work on being that girl and being who i’m supposed to be. I need to work on signaling and reaching my inner potential. Right now i’m living in such an unhealthy mindset. I’ve succumb to such a bad habit, and i’m struggling so hard to get out of it.
August 24, 2024 at 8:22 PM
@skulzombie69.bsky.social
muscular men.. in tight suits..
July 27, 2024 at 3:02 PM
shmoly nutcracker what if he’s gay..
July 26, 2024 at 3:44 PM