Silvi Vann-Wall
@silvi.bsky.social
Freelance film & TV critic, news writer, cultural commentator. Opinions my own. Also does musical theatre & improv comedy 🐸 They/Them. https://linktr.ee/silvireports
How did I do? #winterolympics2026 ⛷️🏂
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
How did I do? #winterolympics2026 ⛷️🏂
Speed Skating: there’s a low hanging fruit here but I’m going with ‘speed dating but everyone is on skates’.
a man says hi i 'm maurice i 'm an executive by day and a wildman by night ..
ALT: a man says hi i 'm maurice i 'm an executive by day and a wildman by night ..
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Speed Skating: there’s a low hanging fruit here but I’m going with ‘speed dating but everyone is on skates’.
Snowboard: well it’s snowwood but it’ll do in a pinch(sorry)
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Snowboard: well it’s snowwood but it’ll do in a pinch(sorry)
Ski Mountaineering: taking those same skis that were dropped and rearranging them into 1:1 models of famous mountains.
a person standing on top of a mountain with a bookatrekking.com logo below them
ALT: a person standing on top of a mountain with a bookatrekking.com logo below them
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Ski Mountaineering: taking those same skis that were dropped and rearranging them into 1:1 models of famous mountains.
Ski Jumping: competitively hopping over a bunch of skis that the last athletes dropped carelessly on the ground.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Ski Jumping: competitively hopping over a bunch of skis that the last athletes dropped carelessly on the ground.
Skeleton: athletes must force their bones to hatch from their bodies and play a round of tennis. Banned in most countries.
a skeleton is standing with its arms crossed on a black background with smault 2.3 on the bottom
ALT: a skeleton is standing with its arms crossed on a black background with smault 2.3 on the bottom
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Skeleton: athletes must force their bones to hatch from their bodies and play a round of tennis. Banned in most countries.
Short Track Speed Skating: ice skaters are launched from a canon onto an incredibly slippery pier. Good luck!
a woman wearing a helmet is singing raspberries in a theatre .
ALT: a woman wearing a helmet is singing raspberries in a theatre .
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Short Track Speed Skating: ice skaters are launched from a canon onto an incredibly slippery pier. Good luck!
Nordic Combined: also known as the ‘Skårsgard Singularity’, every Nordic person combines into one, and crushes the Olympic village. Can only be done after closing ceremony.
a close up of a man 's face with the words everything written below him
ALT: a close up of a man 's face with the words everything written below him
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Nordic Combined: also known as the ‘Skårsgard Singularity’, every Nordic person combines into one, and crushes the Olympic village. Can only be done after closing ceremony.
Luge: I honestly have no fucking cluege
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Luge: I honestly have no fucking cluege
Ice Hockey: from what I understand, it’s mostly gay sex. Good for them.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Ice Hockey: from what I understand, it’s mostly gay sex. Good for them.
Freestyle Skiing: improvising the hottest bars while navigating the coldest slopes.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Freestyle Skiing: improvising the hottest bars while navigating the coldest slopes.
Curling: athletes must race to style a cheap synthetic wig into perfect curls without burning or breaking the hair.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Curling: athletes must race to style a cheap synthetic wig into perfect curls without burning or breaking the hair.
Cross-Country Skiing: skiing, but ONLY in Switzerland.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Cross-Country Skiing: skiing, but ONLY in Switzerland.
Bobsleigh: one man’s quest to get leigh’d.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Bobsleigh: one man’s quest to get leigh’d.
Biathlon: everyone is bi and locked in a room. They must work together to escape without panicking, lest they trigger the monitors.
a woman is making a funny face while standing in front of a store door .
ALT: a woman is making a funny face while standing in front of a store door .
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Biathlon: everyone is bi and locked in a room. They must work together to escape without panicking, lest they trigger the monitors.
Alpine Skiing: skiing in lederhosen while balancing a stein in each hand.
February 15, 2026 at 1:50 AM
Alpine Skiing: skiing in lederhosen while balancing a stein in each hand.
Ah, the ovulation goop
February 4, 2026 at 11:19 AM
Ah, the ovulation goop