Pinned
Silwhoette
@silwhoette.bsky.social
· Nov 16
just gonna yell into the void until I feel heard
stare into the abyss until it stares back at me
goddammit abyss, where art thine eyes!?!?
stare into the abyss until it stares back at me
goddammit abyss, where art thine eyes!?!?
Behold the beautiful Bundt cake I made today.
Husband is very happy about this, says now he doesn’t have to eat it carefully and can just grab hunks with his hands. The man does have a point.
Husband is very happy about this, says now he doesn’t have to eat it carefully and can just grab hunks with his hands. The man does have a point.
December 25, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Behold the beautiful Bundt cake I made today.
Husband is very happy about this, says now he doesn’t have to eat it carefully and can just grab hunks with his hands. The man does have a point.
Husband is very happy about this, says now he doesn’t have to eat it carefully and can just grab hunks with his hands. The man does have a point.
Me, this morning, writing to myself: “I need to find a way to be at peace with how things are between us now”
Me, up past til 2 AM chatting: sends her money and a four second topless video
Me, up past til 2 AM chatting: sends her money and a four second topless video
December 24, 2025 at 7:21 AM
Me, this morning, writing to myself: “I need to find a way to be at peace with how things are between us now”
Me, up past til 2 AM chatting: sends her money and a four second topless video
Me, up past til 2 AM chatting: sends her money and a four second topless video
Got on the subway. Crying. Sat there. Crying. Noticed a dude sitting across from me, rolling a joint and sealing it with a lighter. He’s sitting between a child of maybe 5 and a middle aged woman giving him the side-eye. There’s weed crumbles spilling onto his lap and it’s so funny I stop crying
December 23, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Got on the subway. Crying. Sat there. Crying. Noticed a dude sitting across from me, rolling a joint and sealing it with a lighter. He’s sitting between a child of maybe 5 and a middle aged woman giving him the side-eye. There’s weed crumbles spilling onto his lap and it’s so funny I stop crying
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
December 23, 2025 at 5:16 AM
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
I’m going to get through this
You don’t realize how NOISY the world is until you try noise-cancelling earbuds huh
December 23, 2025 at 4:39 AM
You don’t realize how NOISY the world is until you try noise-cancelling earbuds huh
I feel better having told my husband more about my emotional state towards him, but I doesn’t fix things. I still feel I’m in a state of crisis.
December 22, 2025 at 4:30 AM
I feel better having told my husband more about my emotional state towards him, but I doesn’t fix things. I still feel I’m in a state of crisis.
Ooh so we are getting into the “just be honest and it will be okay” part of the story arc here. At least small scale okay, for now, this is obviously not and-they-lived-happily-ever-after-the-end. But an improvement!
December 20, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Ooh so we are getting into the “just be honest and it will be okay” part of the story arc here. At least small scale okay, for now, this is obviously not and-they-lived-happily-ever-after-the-end. But an improvement!
I have a bunch of younger coworkers (early 20s) and at lunch today they were talking about how their parents all track them through location sharing on their phones. I was… kind of horrified.
They all had stories of their parents freaking out about their location (sometimes reported imprecisely)
They all had stories of their parents freaking out about their location (sometimes reported imprecisely)
December 19, 2025 at 4:08 AM
I have a bunch of younger coworkers (early 20s) and at lunch today they were talking about how their parents all track them through location sharing on their phones. I was… kind of horrified.
They all had stories of their parents freaking out about their location (sometimes reported imprecisely)
They all had stories of their parents freaking out about their location (sometimes reported imprecisely)
Gorgeous weather out today. Mid 40s, clear and calm. The ice and snow had melted off my bike path this morning and I even passed someone in the middle of the Hudson on a stand up paddleboard. Made me grin.
December 19, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Gorgeous weather out today. Mid 40s, clear and calm. The ice and snow had melted off my bike path this morning and I even passed someone in the middle of the Hudson on a stand up paddleboard. Made me grin.
Funny, seems like I'm more of a jealous bitch when I dislike my partner
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
December 18, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Funny, seems like I'm more of a jealous bitch when I dislike my partner
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
Asked my husband how the dating's been going for him in San Francisco. He said he'd been seeing someone who wanted to "stay platonic" and just hang out and cuddle, so he wasn't sure if it counted as dating.
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
December 17, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Asked my husband how the dating's been going for him in San Francisco. He said he'd been seeing someone who wanted to "stay platonic" and just hang out and cuddle, so he wasn't sure if it counted as dating.
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
So this account is a place for me to rant and spill over the stuff I want to say, wish I could say, but feel I can't, because it's not nice or too dangerous or too banal
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
December 17, 2025 at 7:30 PM
So this account is a place for me to rant and spill over the stuff I want to say, wish I could say, but feel I can't, because it's not nice or too dangerous or too banal
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
I did it
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
December 15, 2025 at 9:14 AM
I did it
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
I love pumpkin pie but consider the crust rather unnecessary. I like to mix up the recipe for the filling, pour it into ramekins, and bake.
December 9, 2025 at 4:45 AM
I love pumpkin pie but consider the crust rather unnecessary. I like to mix up the recipe for the filling, pour it into ramekins, and bake.
yesterday was mildly disastrous, but in a very “that’s life” sorta way
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
December 8, 2025 at 4:20 PM
yesterday was mildly disastrous, but in a very “that’s life” sorta way
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
I realize this is only true on the macro scale. Our three years together hurt because we were long-distance and I didn't want to be.
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
Can I love her without it hurting?
The only times I have, in the past, was when we weren't in contact. Times when I'd held warm feelings, without any gnawing hunger. No NEED.
The only times I have, in the past, was when we weren't in contact. Times when I'd held warm feelings, without any gnawing hunger. No NEED.
December 7, 2025 at 3:32 AM
I realize this is only true on the macro scale. Our three years together hurt because we were long-distance and I didn't want to be.
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
I've been talking to her a little. I think I -could- talk to her more, she might not mind, but I'm afraid.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
December 7, 2025 at 3:14 AM
I've been talking to her a little. I think I -could- talk to her more, she might not mind, but I'm afraid.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
me: I have struggled with disordered eating in my life but I don't currently have an eating disorder.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
December 5, 2025 at 6:28 PM
me: I have struggled with disordered eating in my life but I don't currently have an eating disorder.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
so I’m here mostly saying things that I wouldn’t say non-anonymously
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
December 5, 2025 at 2:24 AM
so I’m here mostly saying things that I wouldn’t say non-anonymously
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
I am sitting on the subway with such a rich and beautiful plethora of humans to look at. No words are spoken. I get a few seconds of eye contact from between a beanie and a mask to my right. But I inspect the way they adorn themselves
December 3, 2025 at 5:19 PM
I am sitting on the subway with such a rich and beautiful plethora of humans to look at. No words are spoken. I get a few seconds of eye contact from between a beanie and a mask to my right. But I inspect the way they adorn themselves
I dreamt of my ex, as she was maybe 14 years ago.
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
December 3, 2025 at 12:45 PM
I dreamt of my ex, as she was maybe 14 years ago.
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
I sold my soul to have these children. I’d somehow convinced myself that I had to - that it was the only way I could make myself -useful- to someone else. That it was the only way something good might come of my capacity to love.
November 26, 2025 at 3:44 AM
I sold my soul to have these children. I’d somehow convinced myself that I had to - that it was the only way I could make myself -useful- to someone else. That it was the only way something good might come of my capacity to love.
My brain: You see, every mistake we make must be extensively catalogued for ease of frequent retrieval so that we can learn from our mistakes and make better choices next time
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
November 25, 2025 at 2:05 AM
My brain: You see, every mistake we make must be extensively catalogued for ease of frequent retrieval so that we can learn from our mistakes and make better choices next time
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
before heading to work this morning
November 24, 2025 at 10:00 PM
before heading to work this morning
Finally went and got a new therapist (I broke up with my old one 2 years ago because she kept encouraging me to get angry at my husband, which I didn’t want at the time)
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
November 20, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Finally went and got a new therapist (I broke up with my old one 2 years ago because she kept encouraging me to get angry at my husband, which I didn’t want at the time)
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say