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Michael sisto

@sistosterone.bsky.social

91K followers 160K following 4.3K posts

Weird Comedy person 👨🏻‍🦱 If anything here offends you blame your parents for raising such a dooshnozzle. Tell your friends Malibu, Ca / Guantánamo Bay, Cuba 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 https://www.instagram.com/sistosterone/

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · Feb 19

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 23m

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 3d

I asked my dog how the economy is doing…he said rough.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 6d

When the butcher backed up into the meat grinder, he got a little behind in his work.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 6d

If you tried to walk a mile in my shoes, you wouldn’t get too far bc I havnt worn shoes since 2012

Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 6d

I thought I was a good swimmer, but then I swam in the ocean and got schooled by some fish.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 6d

The government is now officially shut down. I guess Trump really is running the country like one of his businesses.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 8d

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 10d

I played really hard in my basketball game the other day…until the 2nd half when I went back to flaccid

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 10d

Living in Switzerland has a lot of advantages. For example, the flag is a big plus.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 12d

I used to have a passion for selling computer parts, but then I lost my drive.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 12d

Just made a new song. Let me know if you think it’s appropriate enough to release to the masses.

m.soundcloud.com/user-9278069...

i beat my wife

Stream i beat my wife by Endangered feces on desktop and mobile. Play over 320 million tracks for free on SoundCloud.

m.soundcloud.com

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 13d

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 18d

I was going to invest in vinal albums, but I scratched that.

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 18d

What do you call a person with no body and no nose? Nobody knows

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 18d

I asked my brother to pass me the travel pamphlet, and he said “bro sure.”

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 19d

How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 20d

Is nathan short for jonathan or whats the deal there?

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 20d

I realize now that if im gonna rail a pill straight to my dome, its much easier if i crush it first

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 20d

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 21d

Q: How many dementia patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 22d

When nate and mary make love do they call it marinating?

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 23d

Toasters should legally change their name to tanning breads

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 24d

I don't need a girlfriend, ive got one attached to my arm. It always knows what i want and never says no. It will even fix me a snack and feed it right to my face

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Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 24d

I can tie my shoelaces without my hands. How you ask? I say, excuse me, sorry to bother you, but can you tie my shoelaces for me please?

Michael sisto @sistosterone.bsky.social · 25d

Abhorrent