i hate when people have 2 pets and you think there's a theme, but there isnt any.

Friend: This white cat is named "Salt".
Friend: This black spotted cat is named "Taylor Swift"

when you walk across 2 nerds really getting into their favorite hobby, and you're like "get a room!"

i got banned on a strippers' chat for asking them to "put your butts inside each other's"

a sideways mailbox is just weird.
only weird.