Ever blow your nose in a public restroom and the first thing you smell is someone's poop?

Pull yourself up by the meat flaps.

Spaghetti Mercury

My parents used to threaten to wash my mouth out with evaporated milk when I swore

As an atheist I don't believe in saying "bless you" after a sneeze. It's just a nice way to say "can you shut the fuck up"

You say Peacock and nobody bats an eye, you say poop cock and everyone loses their mind.

Throwing a tantrum if I don't go balls out bowling

A cultured pearl necklace.