And dear M, Im sorry for not fulfilling the promise i made all those years ago, i hope one day you find the place in your soul to forgive me, wherever you are

Goodbye

Please dont try reaching out to me, im in a moment of my life where words will not be enough for me to feel better, i need an actual life, but that cant be in the place i live on, i cant find people who find beauty in the things i do, and they certainly arent the ones to be understanding.

I wish i could change my situation, i really do, i wanted to do more in life than just, draw porn and what not, but hey, at least i can say i was recognized for something relatively positive for once in my life

And to the people that hurt me, i would lie if i said i didnt cry multiple times, hurt myself, and was angry at your actions, but ive learned to forgive every single one of you.

Even if you laugh reading this, or maybe not, i do, and i hope you understand what you did, and how it hurt me, one day.

Clinical depression is a real thing, and it destroys lives, so if you have it please seek help, spiraling into a self destructive cycle the way i am currently doing is not the way, im not good giving advice because ive never known how to speak with people without making them uncomfortable.

I love you so much, i will never stop doing so, but i will never forgive myself if i did something that hurt you, even if that means for me to die alone, because thats my reality, and im learning to own up to it.

Im now in a limbo, because im in love with someone who cares for me, but this person cannot see me the same way, because their heart already belongs somewhere else.

I cry every night listening to the songs that we shared in our moments together.

And I hug that plush that reminds me of you

I fell romantic attraction to multiple people in my time in this community, more than I ever did in real life.

Ive felt love for people who knew how i felt, and they enabled those feelings to feel the pleasure of the sexual moment, but they didnt own up to how bad it made me feel when it did.

People abused my vulnerability, both sentimentally and sexually, and now i am aware of it.

Nobody really cared for the me who i really am, but what i meant for them.

I agreed to interact with those people because i wanted to feel loved for a moment, but in the end it just hurt me more.