Stephanie
@smg0014.bsky.social
I'd like my tombstone to read: "That Wasn't a Joke, But Thank You For Laughing"
Just found out a friend I fell out of touch with died three years ago. I wish I'd done more to keep him in my life before we drifted apart. I wish I'd known before now why he hasn't been responding to the random reels I've sent. I wish my friend was still here.
September 19, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Just found out a friend I fell out of touch with died three years ago. I wish I'd done more to keep him in my life before we drifted apart. I wish I'd known before now why he hasn't been responding to the random reels I've sent. I wish my friend was still here.
I'm breaking at the bend.
September 5, 2025 at 11:45 PM
I'm breaking at the bend.
My partner's mother is entering home hospice, and he is trying to help with her last wishes. These have included having a priest give her last rites. We arranged for the hospital Chaplin to visit her before she was moved home, in case the ambulance ride was too much for her.
Her partner... 🧵
Her partner... 🧵
June 18, 2025 at 8:58 PM
My partner's mother is entering home hospice, and he is trying to help with her last wishes. These have included having a priest give her last rites. We arranged for the hospital Chaplin to visit her before she was moved home, in case the ambulance ride was too much for her.
Her partner... 🧵
Her partner... 🧵
An ex from like eight years ago is dating a woman I went to high school with twenty years ago, and apparently their favorite thing is trading out-of-date stories about me, and then telling me they're telling each other the stories. Why we doing this? I'm not friends with either of these people...
December 29, 2024 at 12:50 AM
An ex from like eight years ago is dating a woman I went to high school with twenty years ago, and apparently their favorite thing is trading out-of-date stories about me, and then telling me they're telling each other the stories. Why we doing this? I'm not friends with either of these people...
I only have two Christmas traditions.
On Christmas Eve, I watch the South Park episode Woodland Critter Christmas.
On Christmas Day, I watch John Carpenter's The Thing.
On Christmas Eve, I watch the South Park episode Woodland Critter Christmas.
On Christmas Day, I watch John Carpenter's The Thing.
December 25, 2024 at 12:37 AM
I only have two Christmas traditions.
On Christmas Eve, I watch the South Park episode Woodland Critter Christmas.
On Christmas Day, I watch John Carpenter's The Thing.
On Christmas Eve, I watch the South Park episode Woodland Critter Christmas.
On Christmas Day, I watch John Carpenter's The Thing.
Me: "We don't have" item "Whole Foods was out, so I got this substitute."
Him: "I wish you would have told me so I could have done something about that before Thanksgiving Day."
MY BROTHER IN GAIA, YOU WERE THERE WITH ME. If you weren't paying attention, that's not on me.
Him: "I wish you would have told me so I could have done something about that before Thanksgiving Day."
MY BROTHER IN GAIA, YOU WERE THERE WITH ME. If you weren't paying attention, that's not on me.
November 28, 2024 at 8:28 PM
Me: "We don't have" item "Whole Foods was out, so I got this substitute."
Him: "I wish you would have told me so I could have done something about that before Thanksgiving Day."
MY BROTHER IN GAIA, YOU WERE THERE WITH ME. If you weren't paying attention, that's not on me.
Him: "I wish you would have told me so I could have done something about that before Thanksgiving Day."
MY BROTHER IN GAIA, YOU WERE THERE WITH ME. If you weren't paying attention, that's not on me.
What is a joke that should have landed, but didn't? I'll go first:
My brother and his wife went on vacation, and left their dog in the care of my dad and stepmom. While they were out of town, the dog had some kind of medical issue, and my stepmother made the decision to have the dog put down.
1/2
My brother and his wife went on vacation, and left their dog in the care of my dad and stepmom. While they were out of town, the dog had some kind of medical issue, and my stepmother made the decision to have the dog put down.
1/2
November 28, 2024 at 12:54 AM
What is a joke that should have landed, but didn't? I'll go first:
My brother and his wife went on vacation, and left their dog in the care of my dad and stepmom. While they were out of town, the dog had some kind of medical issue, and my stepmother made the decision to have the dog put down.
1/2
My brother and his wife went on vacation, and left their dog in the care of my dad and stepmom. While they were out of town, the dog had some kind of medical issue, and my stepmother made the decision to have the dog put down.
1/2
Sometimes, when a take is really bad, the best thing you can do is say nothing.
And then, when they double down, the best thing you can do is send screenshots to their mother.
And then, when they double down, the best thing you can do is send screenshots to their mother.
November 25, 2024 at 5:12 PM
Sometimes, when a take is really bad, the best thing you can do is say nothing.
And then, when they double down, the best thing you can do is send screenshots to their mother.
And then, when they double down, the best thing you can do is send screenshots to their mother.
I have a meeting with my psychiatrist in an hour and I expect to hear this, or something similar
November 25, 2024 at 1:56 PM
I have a meeting with my psychiatrist in an hour and I expect to hear this, or something similar
As we were parting after lunch together, my partner's uncle asked when there would be the pitter-patter of feet in our apartment.
Oh I was ready.
I've been training for this.
This is my moment.
1/2
Oh I was ready.
I've been training for this.
This is my moment.
1/2
November 18, 2024 at 10:16 PM
As we were parting after lunch together, my partner's uncle asked when there would be the pitter-patter of feet in our apartment.
Oh I was ready.
I've been training for this.
This is my moment.
1/2
Oh I was ready.
I've been training for this.
This is my moment.
1/2
Cat sitter is out running errands, and suddenly I get a notification from the motion sensor in my kitchen of movement. Apparently the cat really needed to see the top of the fridge.
November 16, 2024 at 2:10 PM
Cat sitter is out running errands, and suddenly I get a notification from the motion sensor in my kitchen of movement. Apparently the cat really needed to see the top of the fridge.
Couple fun facts about the NYC Broadway trip I'm on-- five shows in three days.
Two plays
Two musicals
One live show
Tickets go from most expensive (Sunset Boulevard Friday night) to least expensive (A Perfect Crime on Sunday night). Not intentional, just a fun accident.
1/2
Two plays
Two musicals
One live show
Tickets go from most expensive (Sunset Boulevard Friday night) to least expensive (A Perfect Crime on Sunday night). Not intentional, just a fun accident.
1/2
November 15, 2024 at 11:25 PM
Couple fun facts about the NYC Broadway trip I'm on-- five shows in three days.
Two plays
Two musicals
One live show
Tickets go from most expensive (Sunset Boulevard Friday night) to least expensive (A Perfect Crime on Sunday night). Not intentional, just a fun accident.
1/2
Two plays
Two musicals
One live show
Tickets go from most expensive (Sunset Boulevard Friday night) to least expensive (A Perfect Crime on Sunday night). Not intentional, just a fun accident.
1/2
When the depression has gotten really bad, the thing that literally kept me alive is the knowledge that, if I wasn't alive anymore, no one would care for my cats, because they're jerks, and no one else will love them the way they're used to.
November 14, 2024 at 4:37 PM
When the depression has gotten really bad, the thing that literally kept me alive is the knowledge that, if I wasn't alive anymore, no one would care for my cats, because they're jerks, and no one else will love them the way they're used to.
As someone who does not like Christmas, I think celebrations and decorations come out too early every year.
As someone who loves Christmas Tree Cakes, celebrations and decorations literally cannot come out early enough.
As someone who loves Christmas Tree Cakes, celebrations and decorations literally cannot come out early enough.
November 13, 2024 at 1:44 PM
As someone who does not like Christmas, I think celebrations and decorations come out too early every year.
As someone who loves Christmas Tree Cakes, celebrations and decorations literally cannot come out early enough.
As someone who loves Christmas Tree Cakes, celebrations and decorations literally cannot come out early enough.
"I don't mean this as a dig."
*Proceeds to dig up old shit I've apologized for and say something wildly hurtful, while comparing what I did four years ago to someone else he just called stupid*
*Proceeds to dig up old shit I've apologized for and say something wildly hurtful, while comparing what I did four years ago to someone else he just called stupid*
July 8, 2024 at 11:23 PM
"I don't mean this as a dig."
*Proceeds to dig up old shit I've apologized for and say something wildly hurtful, while comparing what I did four years ago to someone else he just called stupid*
*Proceeds to dig up old shit I've apologized for and say something wildly hurtful, while comparing what I did four years ago to someone else he just called stupid*
Learned one of my favorite coworkers isn't expected to survive through the weekend (she was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer a month and a half ago). Struggling with understanding & meaning. Struggling that I have fun plans she would have loved this weekend. Struggling not to sob wildly. (1/2)
June 28, 2024 at 4:21 PM
Learned one of my favorite coworkers isn't expected to survive through the weekend (she was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer a month and a half ago). Struggling with understanding & meaning. Struggling that I have fun plans she would have loved this weekend. Struggling not to sob wildly. (1/2)
This morning I realized that I know information that could get a semi-popular Twitch streamer in trouble, like, "lose his streaming contract" level of trouble. And I don't plan to do anything about it, but also, that power has absolutely gone to my head.
June 27, 2024 at 12:36 PM
This morning I realized that I know information that could get a semi-popular Twitch streamer in trouble, like, "lose his streaming contract" level of trouble. And I don't plan to do anything about it, but also, that power has absolutely gone to my head.
The woman at work who has been making me miserable had her calendar for today fucked up, and it's not my problem anymore 😁
June 27, 2024 at 11:54 AM
The woman at work who has been making me miserable had her calendar for today fucked up, and it's not my problem anymore 😁
Reposted by Stephanie
a ruthless predator, alligators will sometimes use jazz hands to lure musical theatre people to their deaths
June 22, 2024 at 4:32 PM
a ruthless predator, alligators will sometimes use jazz hands to lure musical theatre people to their deaths
He has returned, and he brought me a snack.
June 22, 2024 at 4:50 PM
He has returned, and he brought me a snack.
The age-old virtual interview dilemma-- do I keep the door open and risk a cat interrupting, or keep the door closed and risk a cat screaming her lungs out on the other side of the door?
May 31, 2024 at 3:28 PM
The age-old virtual interview dilemma-- do I keep the door open and risk a cat interrupting, or keep the door closed and risk a cat screaming her lungs out on the other side of the door?
Pulp in orange juice: poison, unacceptable texture, an affront to all in which I believe
Pulp in lemonade: necessary, texture just adds to the flavor, ew why isn't there any, what did you do wrong?
Pulp in lemonade: necessary, texture just adds to the flavor, ew why isn't there any, what did you do wrong?
May 28, 2024 at 11:53 PM
Pulp in orange juice: poison, unacceptable texture, an affront to all in which I believe
Pulp in lemonade: necessary, texture just adds to the flavor, ew why isn't there any, what did you do wrong?
Pulp in lemonade: necessary, texture just adds to the flavor, ew why isn't there any, what did you do wrong?
My cats love one specific toy that I've bought them from Chewy. Every so often I have to pull out the old disgusting one and replace it with a new one. They still love it.
May 27, 2024 at 12:46 AM
My cats love one specific toy that I've bought them from Chewy. Every so often I have to pull out the old disgusting one and replace it with a new one. They still love it.
Virtual job interviews will always be funny to me. Yeah I spent an hour straightening my hair and 20 minutes picking out the right sweater, but I'm also wearing sweatpants and toe socks and blurring my computer background so they don't see my pin collection and napping beanbag in the same room.
April 2, 2024 at 4:00 PM
Virtual job interviews will always be funny to me. Yeah I spent an hour straightening my hair and 20 minutes picking out the right sweater, but I'm also wearing sweatpants and toe socks and blurring my computer background so they don't see my pin collection and napping beanbag in the same room.
The wild thing about seeing my boss's inbox, is when people complain about me to my boss, I always know, usually before she does
March 27, 2024 at 4:42 PM
The wild thing about seeing my boss's inbox, is when people complain about me to my boss, I always know, usually before she does