Jesus Christ, MBA
@sonofmanagement.bsky.social
I am known by many names: I am He whose promotion to senior VP was foretold. The Son of Management. Jesus of Nazareth, Inc.
I helped grow Father & Sons Holy Spirits, LLC, from a tiny startup with a staff of twelve into a global conglomerate.
I helped grow Father & Sons Holy Spirits, LLC, from a tiny startup with a staff of twelve into a global conglomerate.
“You had one Job.”
–Me, talking to Satan
–Me, talking to Satan
October 1, 2025 at 1:43 PM
“You had one Job.”
–Me, talking to Satan
–Me, talking to Satan
People are skeptical of Wrapture™️, but I think our previous brand extensions speak for themselves.
Jentucky Fried Chikcen is one of the most often-mentioned food service brands on social media!
Jentucky Fried Chikcen is one of the most often-mentioned food service brands on social media!
September 30, 2025 at 2:12 PM
People are skeptical of Wrapture™️, but I think our previous brand extensions speak for themselves.
Jentucky Fried Chikcen is one of the most often-mentioned food service brands on social media!
Jentucky Fried Chikcen is one of the most often-mentioned food service brands on social media!
Dear [candidate],
Thank you for taking the time to apply. We appreciate your interest.
Unfortunately, at this time we have decided to move forward with the rapture of another candidate whose faith better matches our needs at this time.
Holy regards,
Jesus F. Christ
Thank you for taking the time to apply. We appreciate your interest.
Unfortunately, at this time we have decided to move forward with the rapture of another candidate whose faith better matches our needs at this time.
Holy regards,
Jesus F. Christ
September 26, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Dear [candidate],
Thank you for taking the time to apply. We appreciate your interest.
Unfortunately, at this time we have decided to move forward with the rapture of another candidate whose faith better matches our needs at this time.
Holy regards,
Jesus F. Christ
Thank you for taking the time to apply. We appreciate your interest.
Unfortunately, at this time we have decided to move forward with the rapture of another candidate whose faith better matches our needs at this time.
Holy regards,
Jesus F. Christ
Announcing Wrapture, our new southwestern wrap food truck franchise!
September 23, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Announcing Wrapture, our new southwestern wrap food truck franchise!
Them: Why does your sales projection turn straight down starting on Tuesday?
Me: *sweats*
Me: *sweats*
September 22, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Them: Why does your sales projection turn straight down starting on Tuesday?
Me: *sweats*
Me: *sweats*
September 21, 2025 at 9:25 PM
This meeting really could have been a letter to the Ephesians.
September 19, 2025 at 5:41 PM
This meeting really could have been a letter to the Ephesians.
“Joining us today on the podcast is executive, thought leader, and literal son of God, Jesus F. Christ. We’ll be talking about his new book, ‘Hack the Afterlife: 10 Commandments to Turbocharge Your Salvation.’”
September 18, 2025 at 1:34 PM
“Joining us today on the podcast is executive, thought leader, and literal son of God, Jesus F. Christ. We’ll be talking about his new book, ‘Hack the Afterlife: 10 Commandments to Turbocharge Your Salvation.’”
“Biblically-accurate” filter in Zoom.
September 18, 2025 at 2:02 AM
“Biblically-accurate” filter in Zoom.
Will the security badge on your lanyard get you through the pearly gates?
September 17, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Will the security badge on your lanyard get you through the pearly gates?
I expect Lucifer’s orthopedic footwear startup to do well.
Guy knows a thing or two about “fallen arches.”
Guy knows a thing or two about “fallen arches.”
September 15, 2025 at 4:55 PM
I expect Lucifer’s orthopedic footwear startup to do well.
Guy knows a thing or two about “fallen arches.”
Guy knows a thing or two about “fallen arches.”
This Sunday’s sermon is about calculating ROI.
September 14, 2025 at 7:01 PM
This Sunday’s sermon is about calculating ROI.
[water bong sounds]
*giggling*
“Most high God,” they called me.
*giggling*
“Most high God,” they called me.
September 14, 2025 at 4:19 AM
[water bong sounds]
*giggling*
“Most high God,” they called me.
*giggling*
“Most high God,” they called me.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
This isn’t a joke. We’re just all going out for drinks after work.
This isn’t a joke. We’re just all going out for drinks after work.
September 12, 2025 at 9:55 PM
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
This isn’t a joke. We’re just all going out for drinks after work.
This isn’t a joke. We’re just all going out for drinks after work.
Buddha: *laughs so hard tears stream down his face*
Me [breathless from laughing]: …and then *gasps* and then, I told them the wine was my blood!
[whole table erupts with laughter]
Me [breathless from laughing]: …and then *gasps* and then, I told them the wine was my blood!
[whole table erupts with laughter]
September 11, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Buddha: *laughs so hard tears stream down his face*
Me [breathless from laughing]: …and then *gasps* and then, I told them the wine was my blood!
[whole table erupts with laughter]
Me [breathless from laughing]: …and then *gasps* and then, I told them the wine was my blood!
[whole table erupts with laughter]
Brian: So, do you think it's ethical for me to claim that expense?
Me [pointing and gesturing upwards with my eyes]: You'll need to ask the big guy upstairs.
Brian: You mean…
Me: Yes. Steve, from Accounting.
Me [pointing and gesturing upwards with my eyes]: You'll need to ask the big guy upstairs.
Brian: You mean…
Me: Yes. Steve, from Accounting.
September 10, 2025 at 11:42 AM
Brian: So, do you think it's ethical for me to claim that expense?
Me [pointing and gesturing upwards with my eyes]: You'll need to ask the big guy upstairs.
Brian: You mean…
Me: Yes. Steve, from Accounting.
Me [pointing and gesturing upwards with my eyes]: You'll need to ask the big guy upstairs.
Brian: You mean…
Me: Yes. Steve, from Accounting.
Marnie: Where's Beth?
Judy: She's gone to be with the Lord.
Marnie: What?! I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?
Judy: Hm? Oh! No, I mean she's in his office, getting her 90-day performance evaluation.
Judy: She's gone to be with the Lord.
Marnie: What?! I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?
Judy: Hm? Oh! No, I mean she's in his office, getting her 90-day performance evaluation.
September 8, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Marnie: Where's Beth?
Judy: She's gone to be with the Lord.
Marnie: What?! I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?
Judy: Hm? Oh! No, I mean she's in his office, getting her 90-day performance evaluation.
Judy: She's gone to be with the Lord.
Marnie: What?! I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened?
Judy: Hm? Oh! No, I mean she's in his office, getting her 90-day performance evaluation.
Just hanging out at the monastery this weekend, chilling with the bros.
September 7, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Just hanging out at the monastery this weekend, chilling with the bros.
The first commandment was actually “Accept no substitutes.” MosesGPT added all the flowery language.
September 6, 2025 at 10:43 PM
The first commandment was actually “Accept no substitutes.” MosesGPT added all the flowery language.
My friend Helen is always asking everyone, “Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?”
She works in HR. There are policies about office romance and she’s trying to keep on top of it.
She works in HR. There are policies about office romance and she’s trying to keep on top of it.
September 5, 2025 at 8:47 PM
My friend Helen is always asking everyone, “Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?”
She works in HR. There are policies about office romance and she’s trying to keep on top of it.
She works in HR. There are policies about office romance and she’s trying to keep on top of it.
This meeting really could have been a psalm.
September 4, 2025 at 2:36 PM
This meeting really could have been a psalm.
I’m sorry, but I can’t override the paid time off policy. You’ll need to talk to someone in Supernatural Resources.
September 3, 2025 at 1:14 PM
I’m sorry, but I can’t override the paid time off policy. You’ll need to talk to someone in Supernatural Resources.
Tax attorney: Aren’t you the “render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s” guy?
Me: Yeah. But is this tax loophole legal?
Tax attorney: 100%.
Me: Then it’s *not* Caesar’s, is it?
Me: Yeah. But is this tax loophole legal?
Tax attorney: 100%.
Me: Then it’s *not* Caesar’s, is it?
September 2, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Tax attorney: Aren’t you the “render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s” guy?
Me: Yeah. But is this tax loophole legal?
Tax attorney: 100%.
Me: Then it’s *not* Caesar’s, is it?
Me: Yeah. But is this tax loophole legal?
Tax attorney: 100%.
Me: Then it’s *not* Caesar’s, is it?
Me: This new campaign is going to send our stock price up to Heaven!
Chad: You think so? Gee, thanks, Boss!
Me: …
Chad: …
Me: …
Chad: What?
Me: How do things get to Heaven, Chad?
Chad: They . . . die?
Me: Uh-huh.
Chad: Oh.
Me: Uh-huh.
Chad: You think so? Gee, thanks, Boss!
Me: …
Chad: …
Me: …
Chad: What?
Me: How do things get to Heaven, Chad?
Chad: They . . . die?
Me: Uh-huh.
Chad: Oh.
Me: Uh-huh.
September 2, 2025 at 2:34 AM
Me: This new campaign is going to send our stock price up to Heaven!
Chad: You think so? Gee, thanks, Boss!
Me: …
Chad: …
Me: …
Chad: What?
Me: How do things get to Heaven, Chad?
Chad: They . . . die?
Me: Uh-huh.
Chad: Oh.
Me: Uh-huh.
Chad: You think so? Gee, thanks, Boss!
Me: …
Chad: …
Me: …
Chad: What?
Me: How do things get to Heaven, Chad?
Chad: They . . . die?
Me: Uh-huh.
Chad: Oh.
Me: Uh-huh.