National malaise is real. I don’t let myself look at Sydney Sweeney’s boobs any more. They’re awesome boobs, but they’re red boobs

Saw a lesbian strike out with a PYT at the gym today. Kind of awkward, but made me feel a bit better about my past fails. Even girls strike out with girls!

Ja: Blah blah blah
Klay: I’m in the news for having the hottest girlfriend in the world. You’re in the news for waving a dick around

As a White Anglo Saxon Protestant, very flattered this morning when the New Jersey hotel clerk asked if I was in town to play the track. I felt like she saw nuance, which we are not known for. I was actually in town for a soccer tournament

Three dudes at the gym rocking the Zohran LightBeardNFade look. The man’s got fans!

Last night in a dream I ordered a martini at a nice bar, went to the bathroom, and returned to find Travis Kelce drinking my martini. I’m sure many people have had this dream.

Drove past a guy sitting in a parking lot in the shade of his 1990 pickup going through a composition book. I don’t want anything to do with whatever is in that book

I’d like JJ Spaun to win just so someone could say, “This is what a US Open Champion looks like. This is what an American looks like.”

Today I had a poop that looked like the Imperial Probe Droid from Empire Strikes Back. It was not a pleasant experience

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander looks like Sam The Eagle from the Muppets

My new urologist looks a lot like Brad Stevens. Guy’s a baller