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Very British Problems

@soverybritish.bsky.social

37K followers 2 following 280 posts

New VBP quiz book bit.ly/3DkBcgi: VBP books, tops, cards, calendars & contact: bit.ly/3mWIF9S. Buy me a tea: ko-fi.com/robtemple

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 25

As today marks the exact midpoint between New Year’s Day 2025 and Christmas Day, what better moment to officially unveil my new book: A Very British Christmas - your essential guide to navigating the festive season in true British style. Available to pre-order here bit.ly/4lhef0p

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · 5d

One of those days where you throw open the curtains and the room gets darker.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 31

I’m celebrating the last day of summer by wearing a cardigan and staying indoors.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 29

I call this poem “Perfect Friday Night”

No plans
Telly
Biscuits
Sofa.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 25

Don’t shoot the messenger, but the next bank holiday is Christmas Day.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 25

It’s summer bank holiday and it’s actually sunny.

Doesn’t feel right at all.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 21

The most passive-aggressive phrases:

1 Polite notice
2 Gentle/friendly reminder
3 As per my last email
4 Thanks in advance
5 For the avoidance of doubt
6 With all due respect
7 I may have missed it, but
8 Maybe I didn’t explain it clearly enough
9 Not sure if you read my email
10 Hope this helps!

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 10

“Would it be easier if I just call you?”

Nope, texting is working just fine, thank you.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 4

Being 100% aware that the acquaintance you're pretending not to see is also pretending not to see you.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Aug 1

August.

Or as I call it, the “I can’t believe it’s nearly September” month.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jul 30

Start work slightly early:
Nobody notices.

Finish work slightly early:
“Part timer are you?”

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jul 29

Similar but subtly different British translations

1.
“Anyway, I won’t keep you any longer”

Translation: I’m going to walk away from you now because I want to go.

2.
“Anyway, don’t let me keep you any longer”

Translation: I have to stay here, so I can’t walk away, but I want YOU to walk away.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jul 28

You know a Brit’s really mad when they beg your pardon, then suggest something may have escaped your attention, before apologising for being close to losing their patience. Upon reaching boiling point, there’s a chance they’ll issue the killer blow of offering you their regards.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jul 25

Knowing a situation has become drastically out of hand when a British person says “now come on, there's no need for that”

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jul 15

Going for an “any time” train ticket because understanding what constitutes “off peak” requires an expert knowledge of advanced calculus, economics, law and philosophy.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jul 7

“I wouldn't say I'm massively looking forward to it”

Translation: Since being invited I've thought of nothing except possible excuses not to go.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 26

“I’ll have a look in a second”

Translation: Go away.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 25

P.S. You might think it’s too early to mention Christmas, but spare a thought for me - I was writing this book in spring! 😅 bit.ly/4lhef0p

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 25

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 20

Questions that make my mind go blank:

“Why do you want this job?”
“Know any good jokes?”
“Been up to much lately?”
“What did you do yesterday?”

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 18

“You wanted this on and you’re not even watching it!”
“I AM!”

Narrator: They were both on their phones.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 13

One minute you're young and wild, the next your favourite weekend activity is standing at the window admiring the lawn you just mowed.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 13

Someone just cancelled plans on me for this evening. I’m wondering if I should send them a thank you card.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 9

If you need a Father’s Day card this weekend, I’ve got a whole bunch of lighthearted ones to choose from!
Shop: thortful.pxf.io/Ry7EYN

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 9

Replying to “how are you?” with “knackered” just in case you're about to be invited out.

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Very British Problems @soverybritish.bsky.social · Jun 8

In Britain, if you moan online about rubbish weather, it’s the law that someone will reply, “lovely and sunny where I am!”

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