Today I opened up a fortune cookie and there was hate mail in it. What the fuck?

Leftovers just taste better this time of year

New iOS update made the apps look weird

Someone’s been calling the office today literally every single time I get up to do something else. I keep missing it and I feel bad but wtf how are you picking the worst possible time to do this on every attempt

open.spotify.com/track/78Gzxi...

I understand dads on a deeper level now: I, too, have a famous chili (I have made it once and it was really good)

Paul brothers gotta be shipped out to the middle of an ocean on a glacier man. I’m sick of this shit

Tyson vs Jake Paul is so depressing to think about. How anyone could get excited for it is beyond me. It’s a real sign of the times

Cappuccino was so necessary this morning. I’m running on like 2 sleep cycles

Facebook is amazing. Can’t wait to log on to the Disgusting Meal Ideas Website for my daily dose of “How I Feed My family of 15 as a 22 Year Old Parent”

I’m on season 8 of Supernatural and I feel lied to because it’s still really good.