Brown is known as the colour of envelopes and many pants. It is also the colour of most pennies when they get a little old. It’s a fine colour. Even some sugar is brown.

Every day I tell my friend he is a complete a-soul, which is short for amazing soul.

I put the wrong socks on this morning. I donned my socks that are interdimensional gateways to late 18th-century France. With every step I took my feet wound up sticking out of a mirror in the Palace of Versailles. I could feel some French dude in a boudoir assessing my pedicure.

When talking to folks from outside Quebec, I always like to exaggerate the cultural differences. “Oh you call it rock-paper-scissors? That’s cool. We just call it stone-leaflet-cutter.”

It is both bewildering and a beautiful thing that there was a time when a multimillion-dollar auto corporation decided non-ironically to name its brand of car the Oldsmobile and everyone was like yeah, that’s perfect. That’ll sell. Big time.

My dentist followed me home last night and called to me from beneath my window: “I shall garrotte you with a length of dental floss.”

chamomile tea is made from real camels