Faye Hill
@squangles.bsky.social
Thirty-something graphic designer living with husband, two kids, and a rising sense of panic.
Everything reminds me of him...
January 17, 2026 at 5:34 PM
Everything reminds me of him...
I'm nearly 40 and a school mum just said they were friends with me. I've done it. I've won autism.
January 16, 2026 at 8:45 AM
I'm nearly 40 and a school mum just said they were friends with me. I've done it. I've won autism.
Am on the sixth week of a six week home exercise training programme, and I'm delighted to announce that it's completely turbocharged my stamina for loud, incomprehensible swearing.
December 11, 2025 at 11:11 AM
Am on the sixth week of a six week home exercise training programme, and I'm delighted to announce that it's completely turbocharged my stamina for loud, incomprehensible swearing.
Daughter has started making up her own songs and doing jazz hands to indicate when the song's finished. I imagine this is what it was like to live with Shirley Bassey.
December 5, 2025 at 10:29 AM
Daughter has started making up her own songs and doing jazz hands to indicate when the song's finished. I imagine this is what it was like to live with Shirley Bassey.
Just watched the youngest's Nativity. Absolute highlight: narrator with the strongest Yorkshire accent declaring wearily:
"CHRIIIIIIIIIST... (deep sigh)... t'King were born today."
"CHRIIIIIIIIIST... (deep sigh)... t'King were born today."
December 2, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Just watched the youngest's Nativity. Absolute highlight: narrator with the strongest Yorkshire accent declaring wearily:
"CHRIIIIIIIIIST... (deep sigh)... t'King were born today."
"CHRIIIIIIIIIST... (deep sigh)... t'King were born today."
A TEENAGE GIRL JUST SAID SHE LIKED MY HALLOWEEN OUTFIT. I WIN HALLOWEEN FOR THE YEAR. SORRY, GEN Z, I AM THE COOL ONE NOW.
October 31, 2025 at 6:49 PM
A TEENAGE GIRL JUST SAID SHE LIKED MY HALLOWEEN OUTFIT. I WIN HALLOWEEN FOR THE YEAR. SORRY, GEN Z, I AM THE COOL ONE NOW.
Because I am absolutely, totally not extra, Halloween this year involved me cooking a massive banquet of spooky food, decorating the dining room and becoming a witch (in costume, but hopefully not personality). It took THREE DAYS to make everything. I regret nothing.
October 31, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Because I am absolutely, totally not extra, Halloween this year involved me cooking a massive banquet of spooky food, decorating the dining room and becoming a witch (in costume, but hopefully not personality). It took THREE DAYS to make everything. I regret nothing.
Son, getting out the bath: Ow, my noob hurts.
Me: Noob?
Son: Yeah, I leaned on it reaching out the bath.
Me: ...point at your noob?
Nipple. It's his nipple.
Me: Noob?
Son: Yeah, I leaned on it reaching out the bath.
Me: ...point at your noob?
Nipple. It's his nipple.
October 24, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Son, getting out the bath: Ow, my noob hurts.
Me: Noob?
Son: Yeah, I leaned on it reaching out the bath.
Me: ...point at your noob?
Nipple. It's his nipple.
Me: Noob?
Son: Yeah, I leaned on it reaching out the bath.
Me: ...point at your noob?
Nipple. It's his nipple.
I am alive, by the way, I just had surgery in September and couldn't be arsed to think of anything funny to say about it
October 22, 2025 at 3:21 PM
I am alive, by the way, I just had surgery in September and couldn't be arsed to think of anything funny to say about it
Kids have just had their school photo. Checked it online. Their siblings photo has managed to capture the exact energy of the disgraced former politician and his long-suffering but faithful wife.
I'm buying 12.
I'm buying 12.
October 22, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Kids have just had their school photo. Checked it online. Their siblings photo has managed to capture the exact energy of the disgraced former politician and his long-suffering but faithful wife.
I'm buying 12.
I'm buying 12.
In my continuing series "Ow Ow Ow I'm Old", our latest episode tackles the important issue of me pulling my neck pointing out a word in a child's wordsearch
July 22, 2025 at 1:39 PM
In my continuing series "Ow Ow Ow I'm Old", our latest episode tackles the important issue of me pulling my neck pointing out a word in a child's wordsearch
A friend bought my daughter some Sea Monkeys for her birthday. On Friday we had 10 tiny white dots whizzing around the tank! Today, we have one, noticeably much larger, sea monkey. I think we can all draw our own conclusions about what happened here.
July 1, 2025 at 9:47 AM
A friend bought my daughter some Sea Monkeys for her birthday. On Friday we had 10 tiny white dots whizzing around the tank! Today, we have one, noticeably much larger, sea monkey. I think we can all draw our own conclusions about what happened here.
Accidentally chucked away some food colouring I'd ordered specially for a cake I'm making, and I'm quite short, so I had to lay the wheelie bin down on its side and crawl into it on the hottest day of the year like a freegan hobbit
10/10 experience no notes 😫
10/10 experience no notes 😫
June 19, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Accidentally chucked away some food colouring I'd ordered specially for a cake I'm making, and I'm quite short, so I had to lay the wheelie bin down on its side and crawl into it on the hottest day of the year like a freegan hobbit
10/10 experience no notes 😫
10/10 experience no notes 😫
Daughter's been watching Gladiators. "I'm Dynamite!" she shouts.
"Great! Who should I be?" I ask.
She thinks.
"...VIPER!"
"Great! Who should I be?" I ask.
She thinks.
"...VIPER!"
a man in a pink shirt and tie is sitting at a table in a library talking to a woman .
ALT: a man in a pink shirt and tie is sitting at a table in a library talking to a woman .
media.tenor.com
March 16, 2025 at 6:48 PM
Daughter's been watching Gladiators. "I'm Dynamite!" she shouts.
"Great! Who should I be?" I ask.
She thinks.
"...VIPER!"
"Great! Who should I be?" I ask.
She thinks.
"...VIPER!"
Life lesson learned: never go to the toilet on a shaky high-speed train immediately after an extremely elderly man has been in there ☠️
February 19, 2025 at 11:20 AM
Life lesson learned: never go to the toilet on a shaky high-speed train immediately after an extremely elderly man has been in there ☠️
When my dentist said I was "night grinding", it sounded a lot sexier than the reality...
February 16, 2025 at 12:15 AM
When my dentist said I was "night grinding", it sounded a lot sexier than the reality...
How it's going: went to spray some dry shampoo on hair without looking at the bottle properly, ended up deodorising it. Now hair smells like my armpits, which is disconcerting.
February 10, 2025 at 8:48 AM
How it's going: went to spray some dry shampoo on hair without looking at the bottle properly, ended up deodorising it. Now hair smells like my armpits, which is disconcerting.
Young, Tired and Completely Mired
February 5, 2025 at 10:06 AM
Young, Tired and Completely Mired
Asked youngest what she's named her doll. "JESUS!" she shouts, joyfully.
I dunno, I thought the Second Coming would be a little less... plasticky.
I dunno, I thought the Second Coming would be a little less... plasticky.
January 24, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Asked youngest what she's named her doll. "JESUS!" she shouts, joyfully.
I dunno, I thought the Second Coming would be a little less... plasticky.
I dunno, I thought the Second Coming would be a little less... plasticky.
Writing sex scenes for the over-35s:
It's bed time. I sultrily pump my asthma inhaler twice, sexily wet my eyes to prevent blepharitis flare-up and sensually slip in my anti-jaw pain mouthguard. As I slip between the sheets, my back spasms momentarily.
It's bed time. I sultrily pump my asthma inhaler twice, sexily wet my eyes to prevent blepharitis flare-up and sensually slip in my anti-jaw pain mouthguard. As I slip between the sheets, my back spasms momentarily.
January 21, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Writing sex scenes for the over-35s:
It's bed time. I sultrily pump my asthma inhaler twice, sexily wet my eyes to prevent blepharitis flare-up and sensually slip in my anti-jaw pain mouthguard. As I slip between the sheets, my back spasms momentarily.
It's bed time. I sultrily pump my asthma inhaler twice, sexily wet my eyes to prevent blepharitis flare-up and sensually slip in my anti-jaw pain mouthguard. As I slip between the sheets, my back spasms momentarily.
Double socked, for her pleasure.
(It is -9°C)
(It is -9°C)
January 9, 2025 at 10:24 AM
Double socked, for her pleasure.
(It is -9°C)
(It is -9°C)
It will be -5 overnight. I am heading to bed with a 10.5 tog duvet, blanket and hot water bottle. Husband is equipped with summer duvet, no pyjamas and an insistence that the radiator not go on lest he be too hot to sleep. Pretty sure he is science's newest source of energy production.
January 7, 2025 at 11:33 PM
It will be -5 overnight. I am heading to bed with a 10.5 tog duvet, blanket and hot water bottle. Husband is equipped with summer duvet, no pyjamas and an insistence that the radiator not go on lest he be too hot to sleep. Pretty sure he is science's newest source of energy production.
Watching someone on the roof of their two storey house sweeping the snow off like I'm watching a guy play a game of Russian Roulette with gravity.
January 5, 2025 at 3:47 PM
Watching someone on the roof of their two storey house sweeping the snow off like I'm watching a guy play a game of Russian Roulette with gravity.
Youngest has come downstairs in a princess dress, announced "THE ROYAL IS HERE!!!" and is now (unsuccessfully) trying to convince the oldest to be her horsey.
I feared the kids might be too middle class, but I overlooked their levels of nobility.
I feared the kids might be too middle class, but I overlooked their levels of nobility.
January 5, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Youngest has come downstairs in a princess dress, announced "THE ROYAL IS HERE!!!" and is now (unsuccessfully) trying to convince the oldest to be her horsey.
I feared the kids might be too middle class, but I overlooked their levels of nobility.
I feared the kids might be too middle class, but I overlooked their levels of nobility.