Stephanie Santos
@stephaniehatesyou.bsky.social
I am the toxins your local almond mom warned you about
But what if… it WAS for puppies?
December 27, 2025 at 12:56 AM
But what if… it WAS for puppies?
My dog found out that we think it’s fucking adorable when she boops us with her nose to get our attention and now she does it every time I’m working from home 😭
December 8, 2025 at 3:05 PM
My dog found out that we think it’s fucking adorable when she boops us with her nose to get our attention and now she does it every time I’m working from home 😭
I purposely waited two weeks to go see wicked to avoid having to hear failed ex-theater kids singing the songs. A gaggle of them just showed up 😭😭😭
December 7, 2025 at 3:00 AM
I purposely waited two weeks to go see wicked to avoid having to hear failed ex-theater kids singing the songs. A gaggle of them just showed up 😭😭😭
Happy Thanksgiving I’m grateful the devil reclaimed Dick Cheney this year
November 28, 2025 at 4:17 AM
Happy Thanksgiving I’m grateful the devil reclaimed Dick Cheney this year
She’s so happy. She has no idea the Epstein files even exist. She’s never once heard the words “divine feminine.” What bliss.
November 21, 2025 at 1:12 AM
She’s so happy. She has no idea the Epstein files even exist. She’s never once heard the words “divine feminine.” What bliss.
Someone at an event tonight called my bf a Dollar General John Wick. Is this an insult or a compliment???
November 14, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Someone at an event tonight called my bf a Dollar General John Wick. Is this an insult or a compliment???
This counselor had me questioning if I was too heavy handed in my student’s edits for their college app. The student let me know the counselor had never met a teenager who knew the word “misogyny,” even though my student could give him the definition.
November 11, 2025 at 2:25 AM
This counselor had me questioning if I was too heavy handed in my student’s edits for their college app. The student let me know the counselor had never met a teenager who knew the word “misogyny,” even though my student could give him the definition.
We need more pirate tv shows
September 25, 2025 at 3:32 AM
We need more pirate tv shows
Had to walk like 20 minutes before we finally got a ride home but it was worth it to see @hozier.bsky.social live 🥹🥹🥹
September 18, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Had to walk like 20 minutes before we finally got a ride home but it was worth it to see @hozier.bsky.social live 🥹🥹🥹
Bf’s office had a dog day. Guess which one is my dog (spoiler she’s the one disinterested in the treat and lost in existential thought)
September 5, 2025 at 7:15 PM
Bf’s office had a dog day. Guess which one is my dog (spoiler she’s the one disinterested in the treat and lost in existential thought)
My job keeps trying to do fun sharing time where we talk about what we’ve done this summer and share photos of our summer outings and idk how to explain to these people that during the summer, outside of working hours, either my ass is out or I’m shaking it (or both??)
August 25, 2025 at 6:44 PM
My job keeps trying to do fun sharing time where we talk about what we’ve done this summer and share photos of our summer outings and idk how to explain to these people that during the summer, outside of working hours, either my ass is out or I’m shaking it (or both??)
“Why are you slapping it??” — JP to me while I’m eating crème brûlée
August 9, 2025 at 2:14 AM
“Why are you slapping it??” — JP to me while I’m eating crème brûlée
Out for my bday dinner and my bf keeps talking about how disarmingly pretty the French man serving us is 😭😂 he’s so right tho this man is wildly charming
August 9, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Out for my bday dinner and my bf keeps talking about how disarmingly pretty the French man serving us is 😭😂 he’s so right tho this man is wildly charming
My uber driver keeps telling me my ETA and then saying “we can do much better than that. And we will!”
I’m both excited and terrified
I’m both excited and terrified
July 17, 2025 at 6:24 PM
My uber driver keeps telling me my ETA and then saying “we can do much better than that. And we will!”
I’m both excited and terrified
I’m both excited and terrified
I’m in New York & called my bf with exciting news. I said “babe, guess what?” He said “are you with Hasan Piker?” … that man stays on my bf’s mind 24-7
July 13, 2025 at 2:15 AM
I’m in New York & called my bf with exciting news. I said “babe, guess what?” He said “are you with Hasan Piker?” … that man stays on my bf’s mind 24-7
Reposted by Stephanie Santos
I don't know if there's ever been a culture more in love with charlatans than ours. "Success" defined entirely by how good you are at tricking people into giving you money. An entire country of aspiring slop merchants
May 19, 2025 at 3:22 PM
I don't know if there's ever been a culture more in love with charlatans than ours. "Success" defined entirely by how good you are at tricking people into giving you money. An entire country of aspiring slop merchants
You would never know she bites people’s faces when she’s excited to meet them
June 28, 2025 at 5:42 PM
You would never know she bites people’s faces when she’s excited to meet them
Unintended benefit of generative AI: advertisers have decided to start using it and because it all sounds the goddamn same, it is way easier to tune out.
June 27, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Unintended benefit of generative AI: advertisers have decided to start using it and because it all sounds the goddamn same, it is way easier to tune out.
Bf: I really wanna watch this movie
Me: … because Brad Pitt’s in —
Bf: —yeah mostly. Yeah.
Me: … because Brad Pitt’s in —
Bf: —yeah mostly. Yeah.
May 28, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Bf: I really wanna watch this movie
Me: … because Brad Pitt’s in —
Bf: —yeah mostly. Yeah.
Me: … because Brad Pitt’s in —
Bf: —yeah mostly. Yeah.
I used to be an exclusively yellow gold jewelry girl. I’ve recently been gravitating toward silver on some days, but I need you all to promise me that you’ll take me out back like old yeller if you ever see me mixing metals.
April 11, 2025 at 12:48 PM
I used to be an exclusively yellow gold jewelry girl. I’ve recently been gravitating toward silver on some days, but I need you all to promise me that you’ll take me out back like old yeller if you ever see me mixing metals.
She did not appreciate my lazy start to the day and demanded I play with her & Jeff Goldblum, her favorite toy from her Jurassic Park themed gift box
April 6, 2025 at 4:52 AM
She did not appreciate my lazy start to the day and demanded I play with her & Jeff Goldblum, her favorite toy from her Jurassic Park themed gift box
Coming to terms with the fact that my dog is racist. She always wanna fight pitbulls at the dog park. The gag is she’s 20% pittie. Self-hating bigot.
March 26, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Coming to terms with the fact that my dog is racist. She always wanna fight pitbulls at the dog park. The gag is she’s 20% pittie. Self-hating bigot.
WHITE LOTUS NOOOOOOOO
March 25, 2025 at 12:07 AM
WHITE LOTUS NOOOOOOOO
If you’re sad watch the old spider man movies. You’ll get to see cops eat shit for hours. Just get absolutely bodied constantly. Amazing.
March 2, 2025 at 12:07 AM
If you’re sad watch the old spider man movies. You’ll get to see cops eat shit for hours. Just get absolutely bodied constantly. Amazing.
“Frozen pizza prices are OUT OF CONTROL.” - my bf, who is somehow only now finally fed up with the surge in grocery prices
March 1, 2025 at 7:22 AM
“Frozen pizza prices are OUT OF CONTROL.” - my bf, who is somehow only now finally fed up with the surge in grocery prices