Stephen Monteith, World's Greatest Secret Author
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stephens.website
Stephen Monteith, World's Greatest Secret Author
@stephens.website
730 followers 360 following 6.1K posts
Self-published author, mostly sci-fi and fantasy with occasional forays into other fields. I also offer editing and beta-reading services. If you share A.I.-generated content, I'll Mute you; if you *create* it, I'll Block you. #ActuallyAutistic He/Him/His
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stephens.website
Possibly my favorite Christmas movie of all time. It makes me feel all the feels (including the panic of one who has had his tail set on fire).
An image from the movie "The Muppet Christmas Carol". Two Muppets, The Great Gonzo and Rizzo the Rat, are dressed as 19th century lamplighters, and Gonzo is trying to light the lamp, but he sets Rizzo's tail on fire, instead. Text at the bottom of the image says "IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS UNTIL YOU LIGHT THE LAMP, NOT THE RAT, LIGHT THE LAMP NOT THE RAT! PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT!"
December 25, 2025 at 2:00 AM
stephens.website
Was slicing eggs to make deviled eggs for tomorrow, and I found one with a double-yolk.
A hard-boiled egg sliced in half, revealing that it has a double-yolk.
December 24, 2025 at 10:07 PM
stephens.website
I will never be as creative as the time I found a stringy piece of cheese and recreated this moment from "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea".
A stringy piece of cheese that vaguely resembles a squid "attacking" a piece of paper twisted into the vague shape of a submarine.
December 24, 2025 at 2:01 AM
stephens.website
And there's no greater metaphor for this than Mount Rushmore. The faces of two slave owners, one of whom was responsible for the Louisiana Purchase, and the imperialist Theodore Roosevelt carved into a mountain once known as "Six Grandfathers", a place of reverence. We should have left it alone.
A black and white picture of the mountain formerly known as Six Grandfathers before it had the faces of four presidents carved into it. Text on the image reads: "Mount Rushmore before it was carved. Its natural beauty was unpresidented."
December 23, 2025 at 7:08 PM
stephens.website
Some advice when shopping at a small business on the holidays:
A tweet with the text: What to do if your small business package doesn't arrive before Christmas: 1. Print out a photo of the items you bought. 2. Wrap it up and give it as the gift & tell the receiver that it's on their way to them. 3. Not get mad at the small business who can't control it.
December 20, 2025 at 3:21 AM
stephens.website
How it's going. #fantasy #fantasymap #map #WriterSky #WonderDraft
Black and white map of a fantasy land with four major regions and several smaller areas labeled. Same map colored mostly in greens and tans.
December 20, 2025 at 2:28 AM
stephens.website
Fake. There have already been enough real trees cut down for no reason.
A picture of two Christmas trees, labeled as "Real vs Fake", with the words "The Great Debate" at the bottom.
December 19, 2025 at 3:53 PM
stephens.website
Today is the twins' birthday. #WataOshi #ILTV #ImInLoveWithTheVillainess
Characters from the "I'm in Love with the Villainess" franchise. Two women in red and white dresses stand in back. The twin girls in the front have blonde hair. One wears a pink dress with red trim, and the other wears a pink dress with blue trim.
December 13, 2025 at 10:23 PM
stephens.website
Here are a couple of variants. I still need to do something about the rivers. #fantasy #fantasymap #WriterSky
A black-and-white fantasy map with mountains, forests, and names of cities and regions. An unlabeled fantasy map, with mountains, forests, and a small river system.
December 13, 2025 at 8:08 PM
stephens.website
Even if you're cold, try not to be as cold as *this* person. Credit to @chrishallbeck.bsky.social.
A three-panel comic by Chris Hallbeck, featuring two stick figures. In the first panel, one of the figures says "It's freezing in here, can I borrow your hoodie?" and the other figure says "Sure." In the second panel, we see the first figure putting the hoodie on the ground and the second figure looking confused. In the final panel, the hoodie is now on fire, the first figure is warming their hands over it, and the second figure has their phone out, angrily saying "Just for kicks, let's look up the definition of 'borrow'."
December 13, 2025 at 6:10 PM
stephens.website
Making progress on the new #map for my "Trials of Seffin Phel" relaunch. Obviously, the most developed part of the map, the Kingdom of Mer'cil, is where most of the story takes place, but I have plans for the rest. Made with Wonderdraft, for those who are curious. #fantasy #WriterSky
An uncompleted fantasy map. It's a landmass with labels in various places, some mountains, forests, and cities depicted.
December 11, 2025 at 9:09 PM
stephens.website
Content warning: some swearing and no cheeses for us meeces.
A post by James Felton, which reads: Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol: - long - reading - what the fuck, no muppets? A Muppet's Christmas Carol : - fuckload of muppets - no cheeses for us meeces - actually contains Charles Dickens - twice the number of Marleys for your buck - Rizzo
December 10, 2025 at 7:51 PM
stephens.website
Some of the ground is still too wet to hold it, but we've got snow in Virginia Beach.
The parking lot of an apartment complex at night, with snow on the cars and the grass and bushes, with the sidewalk and pavement still too wet for the snow to accumulate.
December 8, 2025 at 10:35 PM
stephens.website
Good thing some people are still safe.
A two-panel comic. The top image is snow-covered ground, with the words "Dashing through the...", referencing the song "Jingle Bells". The bottom image is the ground covered with leaves, with the words "Leaves. You live in the South. You get leaves."
December 8, 2025 at 7:46 PM
stephens.website
Does anyone still use this meme format?
A three-panel comic using images from the movie "Race to Witch Mountain". Dwayne Johnson is shown in the top panel driving a car, asking "What do you build your foundation on?" The middle panel shows AnnaSophia Robb replying "The Rock", referencing the Bible. The bottom panel shows Dwayne looking back at her with a shocked face, as her answer could also be alluding to his wrestling persona "The Rock".
December 8, 2025 at 7:42 PM
stephens.website
A classic Stranger Things meme.
A three-panel comic made of screenshots from the TV show "Stranger Things" featuring Sean Astin as Bob and Winona Ryder as Joyce sitting on a bench in front of a car. In the top panel, Joyce says "I love taking long walks". In the middle panel, Bob thinks to himself "Try to impress her, try to impress her, try to impress her". In the bottom panel, Bob says "Once I walked up to Mordor", referencing Sean Astin's role as Samwise Gamgee from "Lord of the Rings" and the meme of Boromir saying "One does not simply walk into Mordor".
December 8, 2025 at 7:16 PM
stephens.website
Be safe in the snow.
An image of the video game character Mario traveling through an icy, snowy level, trying to go uphill. The text at the top reads "When I was your age we had to walk in the snow, uphill, both ways", and the text at the bottom reads "without save points".
December 8, 2025 at 7:09 PM
stephens.website
And here's Sailor Uranus:
A character from the anime "I'm in Love with the Villainess", Manaria Sousse, who has short silver hair, red eyes, and a red school uniform jacket. She has a blue protective grid in the background and is holding her finger up to her lips as if to indicate she has a secret.
November 29, 2025 at 11:30 PM
stephens.website
I'm also going to tell them that these three are Zoisite, Nephrite, and Kunzite.
Three prince characters from "I'm in Love with the Villainess", standing in a sparkly aura, all wearing red school uniform jackets. From left to right, they are Yu Bauer, who has fluffy blond hair; Rod Bauer, who has spiky brown hair; and Thane Bauer, who has long silver hair.
November 29, 2025 at 11:19 PM
stephens.website
I'm gonna tell my kids these are the Inner Senshi of "Sailor Moon".
Five characters from the anime "I'm in Love with the Villainess", all wearing red school uniform jackets, white shirts, and blue skirts. From left to right, they are Pepi Barlier, who has short pink hair; Rae Taylor, who has short brown hair; Misha Jur, who has long silver hair; Claire Francois, whose long blonde hair is in curls and has a red bow; and Loretta Kugret, whose brown hair is even shorter than Rae's.
November 29, 2025 at 11:16 PM
stephens.website
And now, time for dessert.
A glass of milk and a slice of pumpkin pie smothered in whipped cream with a fork sticking out of it.
November 27, 2025 at 6:14 PM
stephens.website
You've just died. The 6th picture in your phone gallery is what killed you. (I guess I'm one of those people in that meme who get killed by their TBR stack.)
A gray bookshelf filled with books, mostly fantasy.
November 27, 2025 at 5:57 PM
stephens.website
Thanksgiving dinner, purchased, prepared, consumed, and cleaned up after entirely by myself. (And no, there's no turkey.)
A kitchen countertop and stove, on which are, from right to left: a saucepan; a box for scalloped potatoes, indicating what is in the saucepan; a glass bowl containing stuffing, the box for which is behind it; a smaller glass bowl containing mashed sweet potatoes, the can for which is behind it; a carton of egg nog, some of which has been poured into a glass; an open can of jellied cranberry sauce; an open jar of apple sauce; and a plate containing portions of each of the dishes.
November 27, 2025 at 5:15 PM
stephens.website
What other questions can Professor Bobo answer for you?
Text at the top: What kind of pie should you have at Thanksgiving? Text at the bottom over a black and white picture of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" character Professor Bobo the Gorilla: Black Bottoms, Shoo-Flies, Custards, Minces, Meringues, Pecan, Black Chestnut, Key Lime, Fruit, Cream Pies, Crumble and Lattice Tops
November 25, 2025 at 3:24 PM
stephens.website
Yoo-hoo in a bottle is the best. No cans or cartons or boxes for me.
A bottle of Yoo-hoo on a desk.
November 23, 2025 at 6:58 PM