Our Christmas tree is drinking a crazy amount of water. How often are you supposed to take them out to use the bathroom?

There is a guy at the bar I'm at that is referring to his "account" when ordering drinks, instead of his tab.

After ordering a gin neat: "I already have an account open. Check the Joyce account."

The Brewers should have taken the ball first and set the tone.

Is Nutty Professor II: The Klumps worth watching?

Given his popularity, it's crazy they didn't allow Bronny to play in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game #FreeBronny

Look...I get it, salads. I eat you nearly every day, and I know you're healthy. But you're really not fun to eat and are rarely satisfying. While I will continue to have you for lunch, I need you to know how I'm feeling. I'm sorry you had to find out like this.

Sometimes, I'm Beyoncé.