Sarah Bagley Hammock
@stereoconstella.bsky.social
Lit and Culture PhD // Nostalgia & Modernism Etc // Stereoconstellation // Neuroqueer Autistic //
I often understand allistic feelings/motivations - but I miss how they want/expect others to react to those feelings/motivations.
Autistic empathy: I see how you feel
Allistic empathy: I see how you want me to feel like you feel
Autistic empathy: I see how you feel
Allistic empathy: I see how you want me to feel like you feel
June 16, 2025 at 1:58 PM
I often understand allistic feelings/motivations - but I miss how they want/expect others to react to those feelings/motivations.
Autistic empathy: I see how you feel
Allistic empathy: I see how you want me to feel like you feel
Autistic empathy: I see how you feel
Allistic empathy: I see how you want me to feel like you feel
Yes... But I also realized that much of what I feel as "punishment" doesn't fundamentally carry that intention. Like, I often feel as "punishment" a physical world consequence ("punished" for tripping and falling by pain). I have to interrogate whether I'm BEING punished, or FEELING punished.
May 20, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Yes... But I also realized that much of what I feel as "punishment" doesn't fundamentally carry that intention. Like, I often feel as "punishment" a physical world consequence ("punished" for tripping and falling by pain). I have to interrogate whether I'm BEING punished, or FEELING punished.
You're also receiving care as if from someone else. They did it for you, because they love you. Just like you always wanted. There is no transaction - you don't even have to perform a smile in return. You don't even have to feel gratitude if you can't right now - they'll understand.
5/
5/
February 4, 2025 at 4:17 PM
You're also receiving care as if from someone else. They did it for you, because they love you. Just like you always wanted. There is no transaction - you don't even have to perform a smile in return. You don't even have to feel gratitude if you can't right now - they'll understand.
5/
5/
So you have to keep yourself in the "delusion" for a minute. You are NOT reasoning out how to care for yourself. You're caring for someone else. Her. Him. Them. Give it a name. Whatever it is, you're caring for someone else who needs care. You can do this. You've been doing it your whole life.
4/
4/
February 4, 2025 at 4:14 PM
So you have to keep yourself in the "delusion" for a minute. You are NOT reasoning out how to care for yourself. You're caring for someone else. Her. Him. Them. Give it a name. Whatever it is, you're caring for someone else who needs care. You can do this. You've been doing it your whole life.
4/
4/
The point is to use the stuff that is *actually* easy and obvious for you, as weird or unintuitive as it might seem to other people, to get you healthier so you can make bigger, broader changes.
3/
3/
February 4, 2025 at 4:11 PM
The point is to use the stuff that is *actually* easy and obvious for you, as weird or unintuitive as it might seem to other people, to get you healthier so you can make bigger, broader changes.
3/
3/
But the underlying motivator there is shame. "The logic is easy and obvious to follow. If you can't do it, you must be awfully stupid. Just do the smart thing."
But shame is already not working. You are already ashamed at how many "easy" and "obvious" things you cannot do.
2/
But shame is already not working. You are already ashamed at how many "easy" and "obvious" things you cannot do.
2/
February 4, 2025 at 4:09 PM
But the underlying motivator there is shame. "The logic is easy and obvious to follow. If you can't do it, you must be awfully stupid. Just do the smart thing."
But shame is already not working. You are already ashamed at how many "easy" and "obvious" things you cannot do.
2/
But shame is already not working. You are already ashamed at how many "easy" and "obvious" things you cannot do.
2/
Depends but probably - gotta dig into the why to figure out what kind of ND & best how of working through if that's the goal. HMU if you wanna talk about it (or anything ever).
February 1, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Depends but probably - gotta dig into the why to figure out what kind of ND & best how of working through if that's the goal. HMU if you wanna talk about it (or anything ever).
If you can't roleplay defending yourself loudly you can't do it IRL, full stop.
Nobody tells you that when your life is at stake, it will actually feel EXACTLY as stupid and weird and pathetic and awkward and embarrassing as the roleplay.
Nobody tells you that when your life is at stake, it will actually feel EXACTLY as stupid and weird and pathetic and awkward and embarrassing as the roleplay.
February 1, 2025 at 3:38 PM
If you can't roleplay defending yourself loudly you can't do it IRL, full stop.
Nobody tells you that when your life is at stake, it will actually feel EXACTLY as stupid and weird and pathetic and awkward and embarrassing as the roleplay.
Nobody tells you that when your life is at stake, it will actually feel EXACTLY as stupid and weird and pathetic and awkward and embarrassing as the roleplay.
I'm busy with teaching work and I read this as "let that be my grade" and I'm happy with that guidance.
January 31, 2025 at 3:34 PM
I'm busy with teaching work and I read this as "let that be my grade" and I'm happy with that guidance.
Learned my lesson when I tried to teach "Burning Chrome" to undergrads in ~2015, specifically for the novelty of the prose. They found the world and prose utterly blah - had been so thoroughly subsumed into the media landscape as to feel "normal," "average," "done," and "not even sci-fi."
January 29, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Learned my lesson when I tried to teach "Burning Chrome" to undergrads in ~2015, specifically for the novelty of the prose. They found the world and prose utterly blah - had been so thoroughly subsumed into the media landscape as to feel "normal," "average," "done," and "not even sci-fi."