If you're calling yourself "dumb b*tch" or "lazy f*cker," something's gone wrong. You've slipped out of recovery mode. Push pause. Back up.

I get it, it's reflexive, I struggle w/ it too. But we don't recover while verbally kicking ourselves in the face. Or anywhere else.

Whoever talked about L-Theanine in the chat…. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Survival mode-- i.e., how complex trauma survivors experienced 90% of our lives-- is about black & white thinking. Something's a threat, or it's not. Every threat is a potential world ender. Snap judgments. No middle ground.

It works for survival. But not relationships.

We talk a lot about panic attacks. But trauma survivors often have what I call "doom attacks"-- abrupt surges of crushing certainty that the absolute worst case scenario will absolutely happen, & we're powerless to stop it.

Easy does it. It's a symptom, not a certainty. Breathe.

So many trauma survivors have been told we don't seem to value friendships or connections. Truth is, survivors often HIGHLY value relationships-- but we don't want to "impose" our pain or complexity on anyone else, nor do we want to waste our bandwidth on superficial connections.

Trauma Brain will find "reasons" why every choice we've ever made, has been "wrong."

That has nothing to do w/ any choices we've actually made (spoiler: they've been a mixed bag); it's trauma conditioning pretending EVERYTHING is our fault, & EVERYTHING is our responsibly.

It can be frustrating & depressing for trauma survivors when others-- often very well-meaning-- relate to us as a "project," a life to be "fixed." Yeah, survivors have special needs-- just like anyone who's suffered an injury. But we're not your "project." We are our OWN project.

"Choices" we made when we didn't have safe or realistic options, or there was a meaningful power differential involved, aren't real "choices."

Forgiving ourselves for "choices" that weren't real choices can be complicated-- but to me it's a ground floor trauma recovery task.

The core wound of emotional neglect is feeling functionally invisible-- often to the first people who said the words "I love you" to us.

To a nervous system just figuring out what relationships are all about & what words mean, that sh*t matters. That's reality, not "drama."

Anybody working their trauma recovery is wrestling w/ questions about what's real & unreal-- in our past & in our head-- that most humans don't get around to thinking about ever.

Maybe it makes sense survivors can be exhausted & jaded. Maybe it's not an "attitude problem."

Money stuff can trigger anybody's deepest anxieties-- but for trauma survivors in particular, financial stuff can scrape up feelings & memories around dependence & security & "character" & a dozen other touchy triggers.

Checking our balance is never just checking our balance.

Because trauma has made intimacy & relationships complicated for us doesn't mean we're not in a relationship because there's something "wrong" w/ us or "broken" about us. It means what it means-- we've seen & experienced sh*t that makes attachment complicated. No more; no less.

One reason many survivors get in the habit of stuffing or masking our feelings around others is, we don't want somebody trying to cheer us up-- because even if they mean well, that sh*t can be invalidating & triggering.

It's easier to keep a poker face. Less hassle. Less glare.

We don't need anybody's permission to feel & function better.

We don't have to "earn" the right to be safer & more stable.

We are worthy of recovery right here, right now. No accomplishment or transformation required.

Put it on repeat. Reshape that nervous system.

Rosenmontagswagen in Düsseldorf von Jacques Tilly

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