It's disappointing, but unfortunately not unexpected.

The main thing I want to say is if you feel like you might be ASD, ADHD or AuDHD inclined, please start the path of diagnosis. My life would have made so much more sense to me if this was happening in my 20s as opposed to my 40s. Way less emotional turmoil for all.

I've tried finding the photo of my during treatment, but I think I deleted it not wanting to see it any more. This is me the week before treatment. Yep, nWo t-shirt and all!

I didn't give my mother enough credit at the time, and have since corrected this, but she drove me 90 miles every second Monday to hospital to be treated. Dealt with all the health insurance stuff and other appointments. She was devastated the day I was diagnosed. Have never heard her cry like that.

Survivor guilt sucks. Everyone tells you that you should be happy you beat it, but you're miserable. It hit me hard Christmas 2001. I was just so down. I really stopped being able to relate to most people.

People I knew who weren't in my inner circle of friends didn't believe me when I said I was sick, because they saw me post chemo. That and the distaste for special treatment just led to me masking it. In reality I should have accepted it, but there are other mental factors at play.

I refused all special consideration. I could have got into the university course I wanted, but I felt I was slack in 12th grade and deserved what I got. I worked my way into that course on my own. I had to take a reduced study load when I did go to university, so a year longer to get my degree.