Winner of the 2025 “Just Asking Questions” award.

[Hulk Hogan voice] “Hell yeah, brother.”

Every time I check back in on X I feel like Marty McFly when he travels back to the Biff 1985. It’s familiar but completely disorienting and “off” in way that’s hard to fully articulate.

Obviously the whole Google Maps renaming the Gulf of Mexico for US users is ridiculous, but for some reason the label when zoomed out is even funnier/sadder

Wish my estranged kids could understand that if there was an easier way to get a “Rollins circa Fall ‘82” physique I’d do it.

Unfortunately, the only way is to lift obsessively, front Black Flag, travel between gigs in the total darkness of an unventilated cargo truck, & subsist on $5/day

I woke up to Trump uttering the phrase “the Riviera of the Middle East” and now my brain and soul are hemorrhaging out of my body at an alarming rate.

RFK looks like a strip of dehydrated fruit leather came to life and acquired horrible opinions.

Across this great land of ours, husbands are carefully weighing the pros and cons about making a “Nightbitch” joke while their wives are within earshot.

I’m convinced that people who love what they do are crisis actors.

What are the ethics around just posting your old tweets on Bluesky like they’re new?

Families love to fixate on the weirdest details on birthdays. Like how when I was born there was an episode of Gomer Pyle, USMC playing on the hospital room TV. Every year, it’s all Gomer this and Pyle that. It might be the most noteworthy thing about me.

🎶 When the moon hits your eye and you just want to die, that’s depression…[refrain] That’s depression…🎶

There will come a time in every man’s life when he develops a deep desire to flee to Tristan da Cunha. Ladies, he may say he’s considering Saint Helena or the Azores, but don’t buy it. It’s always been Tristan da Cunha.

Trying to sell large furniture on Craigslist is just fucking brutal. Just the scum of the earth trying to scam me into sending a certified check from a sketchy Western Union kiosk.

Yesterday’s tweet (or whatever you call it here) was my impression of Aaron Rodgers playing for the Jets last week.

Ah, Bluesky. A fresh start. A clean break. A new begin… :craps pants; loudly trips over open paint buckets: