If I can't make something of myself, is store-bought OK?

Why do they call them two bite brownies when it takes me 6-8 to eat the whole box?

The military parade he wanted vs the military parade he got

How long after friends give birth is it appropriate to send Loss memes?

The name of my work's landlord company gets me every single time

I was at Walmart very obviously looking for something, and this loose teenager was like "Sir the Rogaine is over there"

Hey fuck you kid, I'll fuck your mom and be your new stepdad

I'm not an artist, I just pretend to be one

Mentally, I am spraying carpet cleaner on the stain and forgetting to dab it off

A trivis gameshow for cats called "Meow or Meow", where all the answers are "Meow"

A real king isn't afraid to be little spoon or bite toes

Is this where I go to reuse all my old Twitter jokes like I'm posting them for the first time?