this body disgusts me. i want to be free from physical form i want to rip open my chest and fly away

im very tired to having to quiet my brain with something more painful

i cant even attempt 6 hours without slicing myself open, it’s almost like a smoking addiction. this is great. my hand hurts like a thousand hot suns but it’s amazing its almost a euphoric sense.

i want to go home #shsky #slitbsky #selfharm #shbsky

failure to even kill myself correctly. cannot tell if that further proves my point of immortality or not

I’ve been going less deep than usual, which is odd considering that im trying to aim for deeper. i suppose its a form of burn out, as almost every limb of mine is covered in cuts besides below the knee. thinking about it, that should be my next spot

lessons from abby #1: do not cut while dehydrated. especially if you haven’t drunken water in the last 24 hours or so. you may or may not experience a lightheadedness beyond words. especially if standing. i type this as i lay in bed with a spinning head and two bottles of water i have yet to drink

the thing is i struggle between believing i am dead and i cannot ever die. its unfortunate, really. the clashing. more like “no way ive survived everything ive been put through” vs “ive survived all that, so i must be immortal”. its none of my concern what my brain decides on that

i want to try cutting a huge slice of my skin off like deli meat like a video I’ve seen one day, but i dont know how i would achieve such without excruciating pain. maybe one night, home alone with a new roll of gauze and a butchers knife. the dream

did one of these charts before my next session #slitsky #shbsky #sh

i just need to feel anything to prove im still alive i don’t care anymore just let me prove im not dead

failure #slitsky #selfharm #sh #shbsky

i dont think im truly able to die so im going to begin my journey of aiming for bone. i just need to find the right tool to do so, but that may be hard to acquire

i dont think i even care about covering cuts anymore they look cool like this peeking out from my glove #slitsky #shsky #shtwt

=🦴!^•+=🦴!=
abaddons intro post
🥩₊˚⊹ 𐂯 name: abaddon, abby
୧ ‧₊˚ 🩸🦴 ⋅ age: 15
🥩₊˚⊹ 𐂯 gender: transmasc
୧ ‧₊˚ 🩸🦴 ⋅ sexuality: bi, fem leaning
🥩₊˚⊹ 𐂯 etc: iwc, this is an s/h acc. god complex (working on), schizospec and adhd. dm 4 disc
=🦴! ^•+=🦴!=
#shsky #slitsky #selfharm