My inner monologue: hey guess what
Me: what
My inner monologue: chicken butt
Me:
Me: what
My inner monologue: chicken butt
Me:
November 29, 2025 at 3:57 PM
My inner monologue: hey guess what
Me: what
My inner monologue: chicken butt
Me:
Me: what
My inner monologue: chicken butt
Me:
If tattoos are so cool, why is there no tatthree?
August 11, 2025 at 3:24 PM
If tattoos are so cool, why is there no tatthree?
You try pissing yourself every day, then talk to me
August 3, 2025 at 7:16 AM
You try pissing yourself every day, then talk to me
Not now, I've got smaller fish to fry
July 3, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Not now, I've got smaller fish to fry
We go through life trying not to make mistakes, but if you don't make mistakes, you can't learn from them.
July 3, 2025 at 1:03 AM
We go through life trying not to make mistakes, but if you don't make mistakes, you can't learn from them.
My balls are in retrograde
June 29, 2025 at 2:27 AM
My balls are in retrograde
When u get old, you just like "that's enough fun for one lifetime"
June 29, 2025 at 1:55 AM
When u get old, you just like "that's enough fun for one lifetime"
I stubbed my toe last night and it still hurts. Is this what Hell feels like?
June 26, 2025 at 2:42 PM
I stubbed my toe last night and it still hurts. Is this what Hell feels like?
Them: That'll come in handy
Me: Cum? Handy!?
Me: Cum? Handy!?
June 5, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Them: That'll come in handy
Me: Cum? Handy!?
Me: Cum? Handy!?
"It's twelve o'clock somewhere!" *houses a massive sandwich at 5am*
May 23, 2025 at 3:32 PM
"It's twelve o'clock somewhere!" *houses a massive sandwich at 5am*
I have completely lost track of my finances. Monetary value is now an unintelligible concept to me.
May 22, 2025 at 4:38 PM
I have completely lost track of my finances. Monetary value is now an unintelligible concept to me.
Bussy so big it's a manhole
May 20, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Bussy so big it's a manhole
The infinitesimal private eye
May 11, 2025 at 5:29 AM
The infinitesimal private eye
Just learned that jizz loads only have half a gram of protein. What the hell have I been sucking all this dick for then?
May 4, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Just learned that jizz loads only have half a gram of protein. What the hell have I been sucking all this dick for then?
Man who trained for years to climb Mt. Everest just to shout from the top "I'M NOT RACIST!"
May 2, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Man who trained for years to climb Mt. Everest just to shout from the top "I'M NOT RACIST!"
That's beyond maddening, it's John Maddening
April 30, 2025 at 8:24 PM
That's beyond maddening, it's John Maddening
Born to love something, forced to set it free
April 27, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Born to love something, forced to set it free
Consider yourself someone else, and you will know what it means to be everyone else.
April 16, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Consider yourself someone else, and you will know what it means to be everyone else.
"Chekhov's gun is if it is to the roof of my mouth. Where are we going?" - albert finestein
April 13, 2025 at 3:47 AM
"Chekhov's gun is if it is to the roof of my mouth. Where are we going?" - albert finestein
"Not to toot my own horn, but" is an odd qualifier. Why would you be tooting anyone else's horn. Please, if you must, at least toot your own and do not soil mine or anyone else's.
April 4, 2025 at 2:31 PM
"Not to toot my own horn, but" is an odd qualifier. Why would you be tooting anyone else's horn. Please, if you must, at least toot your own and do not soil mine or anyone else's.
Golf cart is one letter away from Gilf cart, and I just can't handle that.
April 3, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Golf cart is one letter away from Gilf cart, and I just can't handle that.
I can assure you he did not.
March 25, 2025 at 2:40 PM
I can assure you he did not.